Post # 1
My job has been giving me anxiety attacks 3x a week and severe depression. I’ve been dealing with not wanting to be there for 6 months (really 8 months to a year). It had started to affect my relationship with FH. I went as needed at work, if forced I will resign fully. I can’t let my work wreck my relationship. I’ve stayed longer than most people would with our environment.
How did you recover from this during the engagement? Who chose health over their work life balance?
Post # 2
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
beegirl1989 : me, I quit my horrible job In January, I was getting to the stage I couldn’t face going and was genuinely wondering how I could get out of every shift.
Post # 3
I stayed 3 years in an awful work environment (I was already married at that time).
After I left, everything in my life started to improve. I think it took a full year or so after leaving, though, to feel better. I honestly believed I had mild version of PTSD.
Post # 4
I have moved twice since getting engaged – once when the wedding was about 18 months away, once less than a year. The job I moved to was just a terrible work-life balance. I’m much easier to live with now I’m actually home some of the time!
Each time I waited until I’d been offered the job before saying I needed time off for the wedding as a condition of accepting the job. I’ve never had any problems with it.
Post # 5
Me! I got engaged in August. I had been at my job just over a year and was becoming seriously unhappy and resentful due to the hostile, unprofessional atmosphere. With my fiance’s encouragement, I started looking for a new position in November, started at my current job in January. The difference has been night and day, and my fiance sees it too. My entire mood has noticably shifted and life feels so much better all around. I took a paycut, I tripled my commute time, but I love what I’m doing and the people I work with. Go for it!!
ETA: I made it known that I was engaged and planning a wedding during my interview but they were not at all concerned with any time off I might need to request, it’s implied but doesn’t matter too much unless you’re trying to request off within your first 90 days or something. On my first day of work I told my new manager exactly what days I needed and he was completely ok with it. My wedding was a year away when I started at my new job.
Post # 6
I wasn’t engaged at the time, but I left a very toxic work environment and changed as a person. I did have another job to go to, and am very happy in my ‘new’ company 3.5 years later.
I don’t think you realise how badly it affects you when you’re in the thick of it. I knew I was dreading going to work, that I was being treated like crap etc, but it wasn’t until I got out of there that I truly saw how I was acting, treating my now-husband, family and friends, really understood the depth of what I was feeling etc.
If you can afford to quit without another job lined up, and doing so won’t make it extremely difficult to find another job (I know some industries are less bothered about gaps on CVs than others) then I’d take the plunge. Or, depending on where you are and what options are available to you, take some sick leave. Alternatively, try everything to find an alternate job even if it’s only temporary etc.
Post # 7
Start looking for a new job ASAP but keep working until you have secured a new one. Hopefully, the prospect of getting a new job will help improve your outlook and make your current job less horrible while you wait it out for a new opportunity.
Post # 8
Agree with PP saying to start looking for another job asap so that you can transition to a new place without a gap, if possible. I absolutely understand the anxiety you’re talking about- that’s a big part of why I became a stay at home mother after my son was born. I couldn’t imagine leaving a tiny baby somewhere for 8+ hours every day so that I could go be miserable at my job. No thank you!
Post # 9
I quit a terrible job in July! I was getting terrible hours and my boss didnt care about a work/life balance for her employees at all. She literally cut down on my work hours because she was angry at me for calling in the day that my grandmother died. I quit the very next day and actually went without a job for several months and it was 100% worth it.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
I quit a job I was miserable at months before the wedding. I knew if I wanted our marriage to start off in a happy, positive, place, I had to be in a happy, positive place. Luckily I found a great job right before the wedding and started there right afterwards. I’m very happy there and it has definitely been good for our marriage.
Post # 11
beegirl1989 : This has happened to me before and I quit without notice and it was one of the best things I ever did. Having anxiety attacks and feeling this way is not normal about a job and please don’t let anyone tell you anything else. At the time I made the mistake of asking people I cared about what I should do and I got responses from ‘ohhhh you should never leave without two weeks notice’ and ‘ohhhh, better a job than no job’ and ‘ohhhh, I’m sure it’s not so bad’. No one took me seriously. It just made my anxiety worse and I spent a whole weekend in bed crying – not even kidding.
The next Tuesday at the end of the day I took all my personal items home, said a quick goodbye to my colleagues, and then emailed a resignation letter to the director letting her know that due to emergency family circumstances I won’t be returning to work and that today, x date, was my last day, unfortunately without notice. She replied with ‘I hope everything is alright and I wish you and your family well’ – nothing other than that was ever said – but be prepared to leave this position off your resume and definitely don’t use them as a reference!
If you can work out your notice then fantastic. But please don’t stay even a minute longer in a toxic environment it’s not worth your mental health. I am now in a happy job where I look forward to work every day and never have panic attacks in the morning. Life is 100000 times better.
Post # 12
I did! I quit the same week I got engaged. My job was relatively new (3 months) but from the beginning it wasn’t for me. The environment was toxic and I knew this was supposed to be a happy period in my life. I gave my notice and started freelancing while I sought out another position. It was such a relief!
I received my first offer two weeks after leaving and opted not to take it and continued to freelance/interview. 5 weeks later, I’m starting a new position.
FH was very supportive throughout the process. It also gave us a great excuse to “enjoy” being engaged without the pressure of focusing on planning a wedding since my priorities we’re finding a new full time job.
Post # 13
whoswho : the past few weeks were bad i was like can I just quit. 🤣. I work in healthcare. My FH is like you breakdown 3x a week because of this job. I knew it wasn’t worth staying.
Post # 14
Get out – life’s too short
Post # 15
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
beegirl1989 : my fiancé said the same, he said if it was making me feel like I didn’t want to be there then sod them.
they had pulled me in at Xmas and told me that they’d no longer support me going to university and that I’d have to decide what was more important. Them or my future. I quit the week after