(Closed) Who quit their job/moved for a S.O.?

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 31
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

I don’t want to say never… but I would be EXTREMELY hesitant to move for a SO, especially if it meant leaving a secure job that I enjoyed. For me long term security trumps warm fuzzy feelings any day.
That said, my Fiance and I are planning to move together once we get married. However, we’re moving to a city that is new to both of us, and it’s one we chose because we would both want to work there even without the other person.

Post # 32
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We’ve both moved for each other. He moved from the UK to the US to be closer to me (they only have one US office for his company, so we were still long distance). Then I moved from New Orleans to Atlanta to live with him. And now we’re both moving back to the UK later this year. Lots of moving. Totally worth it.

Post # 33
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

misspj3:  I’ve had people tell me that I moved to be with my then Boyfriend or Best Friend, now Fiance, but that’s not really the whole reason I moved. We were long distance for 4 years, and by the end, we were both very much done with the whole long distance thing. He still had a year of school left, I had just graduated and was applying to graduate schools. One of the schools I was looking at happened to be the same university he was attending. This university and another one (which would have made the relationship even more long distance) both had pretty equal programs in terms of quality. I ended up applying for and accepting to the univerisity he went to for both the program and the fact he was there, but mostly because of the program. Quite a few people told me I was going to regret “moving for some man”, but it ended up working quite well for us! 

I would agree with PP advice. Make sure that you aren’t giving up everything – it can lead to a lot of resentment. I would add that you should make sure that this attitude goes both ways – what if down the road you were offered a great job, and both you and your SO would need to move – would SO do it? Fiance and I have had this conversation (since, after our multiple graduations, we’d be officially out looking for permanent jobs) – his future may take him to the opposite coast, and mine might take us quite far up north. We’ve decided that it doesn’t matter who necessitates the moving, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, and compromised that there has to be opportunities for us both within a certain distance. 

Post # 34
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I did! I moved across the country for my SO (not engaged). He grew up on the East Coast and wanted to move back. However, the circumstances were such that it worked out really well. I decided to apply for a couple jobs in NYC (where we moved), even before I had decided whether I’d follow him or not. I ended up getting a job offer, so he technically ended up following me! He got a job quickly thereafter because he’s in a high demand field. Here’s my advice:

Like others have said, DON’T move unless it’s the right choice for you. It was a good career move for me and an opportunity to live in NYC, so I ended up moving for myself rather than following him. That was key. I think if I’d followed him, it would be easier to build up resentment.

Also, we had a ton of talks before we left about our relationship. I basically told him that if he wasn’t serious about me and didn’t see us getting engaged/married, it was his responsibility to tell me so I could make an informed decision about what to do.

Lastly, we fought A LOT for the first month after moving. New jobs, new apartment, no friends, unpacking, spending $17k on moving…it was just an incredibly stressful time. We got through it and I’m happier with him than I’ve ever been, but the first couple months were incredibly rocky.

Overall, it was a fantastic choice for me. Just make sure you’re making an informed decision that’s right for you.

Post # 35
Member
1366 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Kat05:  Good luck!  When it gets hard just remind yourself that there are lots of other people who were able to make it work 🙂  Glad your SO is supportive!

Post # 36
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

We’ve been LDR for a year (3.5 hour drive) and we see each other about 10 days a month but the goodbyes are killing me and I just cant do it anymore. we were waiting for him to get a transfer to my city but was not approved. I’m moving from a funfilled, action packed city to the sticks- country all the way. It is going to be an adjustment. But he will be retired in about 5 years and I can work from home. Wish me luck, I love this man and we are both miserable when we’re apart. I will have to be creative in occupying my time- maybe I’ll learn how to bake pies…:-)

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