Post # 17
I never heard of a shower without gifts either. Have you talked to anyone about how much you’d like the cake server and toasting flutes? Have you registered for them? If not, I don’t think you can assume anyone will get you those. I know personally I have no interest in those things and really hope no one spends money on them, thinking that’s what they’re supposed to do because they’re sentimental.
Post # 18
I have never heard of a “no gift” shower either. I don’t consider myself a greedy person by any means, but yes, I would expect gifts at a shower and be bummed if I didn’t get any – it’s just tradition – I’ve given gifts to countless friends and now it’s my turn and it’s exciting…(there is even a Sex & The City episode about this!)
I don’t necessarily think that having people bring gifts was something you needed to tell your sister as I figured it was common knowledge…it just seems that maybe her jealousy played a part in this? Sorry you are bummed.
Post # 19
I didn’t know people registered for those things actually – I guess I thought my mom, sister, grandmother, great aunt – SOMEONE – would want to give some sort of sentimental gift that they took time to pick out and make the day a little bit more special. Instead, I didn’t even get a card with well wishes.
Ironically, I got my sister a thank you gift for throwing the shower (tickets to a broadway show). At least someone got a gift!
Post # 20
I agreed with ppl. And I’m so sorry that things didn’t turn out as you expected.
I know people can’t read your mind, but sometimes if they don’t realize what they should do, then you may just need to give them the hints what you expect.
Post # 21
Yeah that is a bit weird to not have gifts at a shower.. I wonder why your sister said that? Could she be jealous at all and not like the idea of you getting things? Just wondering. Either way it was nice of her to offer, and sorry your dissapointed. It kinda stinks when things don’t go as imagined with wedding stuff because you feel like its all your once in a lifetime but try and just be excited by what you loved about it!
Post # 22
I don’t think you can count on people reading your mind and knowing A)that you wnat those things and B)which ones to get.
I’d be so annoyed if someone bought me something like that because I have no need for something I’ll use once at the wedding and never want again. Personally, I don’t find them to be particuarly sentimenal, just more stuff to have around. I’d rather they buy something off my registry that we do want and need. And that’s why I brought it up – I think you need to express your wishes to someone. Or at least register for them. If they want to buy you something like that and they see it on your registry they can get it.
Post # 23
That’s such a nice thank you gift – wow! I wish someone would buy me broadway tickets!
Post # 24
I would never expect someone to give me toasting flutes. My aunt got me a signing pen which is just well a signing pen and we arent even using a paper guest book so its going into a box and never coming out or we will have to sell it.
Post # 25
Just a follow up – we went to the play and she complained that the seats were too far back…
I totally agree – people can’t read our minds. I guess it wasn’t about a specific gift, but I had hoped that my mom/sister/grandmother would have given a sentimental/thoughtful item that I could use on the wedding day. I have been spending the last 6 months ordering customized handkerchiefs, cufflinks, clutches, etc to commemorate the celebration for my family members. I guess I expected similar thoughtfulness towards me and my FH.
Post # 26
Your sister sounds like a delight. Have you or your mom every brought the no gifts thing up to her?
When people in my life act like this, I just take a mental note and store it away in a little mental file so in the future when I’m tempted to go out of my way for them, I remember that they wouldn’t do the same for me nor do they appreciate my thoughtfulness. It’s saved me many frustrations and tears.
Post # 27
My mom would be no help with this – she’s a horrible mediator. I’ve just been trying to get through this wedding (only 2.5 weeks to go) and then reassess things – I’m assuming some of my hurt feelings are because this wedding planning has made me uber-sensitive.
Post # 28
I think you have a really healthy approach to all of this. It is a good idea just to let things settle and reassess after the wedding, as you’re right, emotions do run high during that time.
It does sound like a lot of this was just miscommunication, as your sister knew you didn’t really want a shower. This may have been her way of trying to appease both you and your mom (who wanted you to have a shower). Either way, I am sorry that it didn’t turn out as you had hoped, as that’s always disappointing.