(Closed) Who should buy the BM dress?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: How should I proceed with my bridesmaids dresses?
    Buy the Irish friends' dresses and assume the American BMs won't care : (5 votes)
    45 %
    Ask the Irish friends to pay for their own dresses just like the American BMs : (4 votes)
    36 %
    Ask the Irish friends to contribute to the cost of their dresses and cover the rest : (1 votes)
    9 %
    Figure out a way to contribute to the cost of all of the BMs dresses : (1 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    As someone who covered everyone’s dresses, EVERYBODY appreciated it immensely. You can always find less expensive versions or something. But seriously, everyone just loved me for it. 

    But I think picking and choosing whose you pay for based on cultural differences isn’t going to fly well. Unless you specifically do it BECAUSE they bought plane tickets. Then you can just explain to your American friends that you wanted to b/c they bought like $1200 tickets and ask your Irish friends not to bring it up in front of everyone and put you in an awkward spot. 

    If you could find a way to swing everyone’s dresses, i would. That would be a nice gift I think. But most people will disagree with me as it’s custom for bm’s to buy their own dresses. I feel like I’m asking them to stand up with me, and it shouldn’t necessarily be a $500 burden on them just for being my friend. Depends how pricey your dresses are, too. 

    Post # 4
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I think its okay for you to buy them since they are spending a lot of money on plane tickets.  I don’t think your American BMs would get upset if they knew that.

    Post # 5
    469 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2008

    I agree with the PPs – the Irish ladies had to buy plane tickets, and you American friends don’t have to. 

    Post # 6
    279 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010 - Victorian Gardens of Two Sisters

    I’m doing this for my one Canadian "Groomsmaid."  She’s contributing $150 CAD and I’m taking care of the rest.  The dresses are $340 … but everyone is in love with them.  My other bridesmaids don’t care one bit.  My maid of honor even told me she’d help out with her dress!

    I definitely think they’ll understand.  A lot of people are having a hard time right now financially, and a plane ticket is a pretty large purchase.  

    Post # 7
    3331 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think you can buy the dresses for your Irish friends if you do what ejss4y8 suggested.  If anyone mentions it to you, make you reiterate how much your friends spent on the flight to the US, so you were trying to off-set that cost.  Also, I’d ask your Irish friends not to make a big deal about it and mention it to the other gals.  I once had a friend pay for my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress when she wasn’t paying for everyone else’s because I was in a real financial bind.  I didn’t mention it to anyone else and it was a non-issue.

    Post # 8
    153 posts
    Blushing bee

    I’m actually in the same situation, but I told my "UK" bridesmaids that they had to buy their dress.  I also told the flower girl’s mum that she was responsible for the her dress too.  All I asked was that they buy their dress and travel.  My BMs are flying in from LA, DC, Greece, and Italy for the wedding in Chicago.  During the holidays.  I’d have to buy all their dresses or buy none.  Because I’m on a strict budget, I chose to buy none.   I told all of them upfront about the costs of the wedding, so that they could seriously decide on whether to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man or not.   

    I picked a dress that was less than $100 and could be converted into a skirt after the wedding.  I’m hoping they can rewear it again!

    If you do decide to buy the Irish girls’ dresses, don’t mention it to anyone and ask the Irish BMs to not mention it.  I’m guessing if the rest of your BMs are from your hometown, they have minimal travel?  If someone asks, just say you were trying to offset the cost, like others have suggested. 

    Post # 9
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree that the cost of the plan ticket from Ireland is hefty enough that they shouldn’t have to pay for their dresses as well, especially if that is not the custom where they are from. Your American BMs should understand that. I know I would. I think you should mention to the Irish gals that they shouldn’t bring it up. Either your American BMs won’t even know, or if they do find out somehow I feel like it would be ridiculous for them to get upset about it considering the other costs the international girls are covering to come to the wedding.

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