Post # 1
I’m technically a “waiting” bee. Although I’m in no rush to get engaged, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for long enough that it’s definitely on the table. Everyone close to us has started talking about it, which led my mother to offer me my grandmother’s engagement ring. It’s just a tiny little chip, but it has sentimental value as a token of my grandparents’ long and happy marriage. (By the way, my grandmother is still-living, but upgraded to a bigger ring!)
I adore the idea of wearing my grandmother’s ring. However, when I mentioned it to my cousin, she told me her sister (my younger cousin) had already claimed it.
My question is: how can we decide what to do with the ring, fairly? Has anyone else had a similar situation with a family heirloom?
Post # 3
Your grandmother should decide! If she’s already handed it off to your mom then your mom should give it to whoever she chooses and if she’s handed it off to your aunt then she should decide. If she hasn’t given it to anyone people shouldn’t be promising it.
Post # 4
I agree… it is your grandma’s choice….
Post # 5
I think it’s appalling for her to be calling ‘dibs’ on your grandmother’s posessions when she is still alive and well! If your mother has the ring to give you, that would mean that your grandmother gave it to her, so it is hers to offer to you, not your cousins to claim. I would ignore it and talk to your bf about getting the ring from your mother.
Post # 6
I would think it would go to whoever is getting engaged first but ultimately I would think it’s up to your grandmother to decide.
Post # 7
I would think the grandma would decide. As far as calling “dibs” while someone is still alive… my grandmother actually asked me if there were any of her possessions that I would be particularly interested in. it sounds really sad and terrible to think that way, but at the same time, she wouldn’t want us fighting over things after she passed. So if there was anything that really meant a lot to me, (and she agreed that she wanted me to have it) she would make a mention of it somewhere in her final requests.
Post # 8
@MrsPom: My grandmother gave my mother the ring, but my aunt has implied that grandmother told my cousin she could have it.
Post # 9
If she gave it to your mom I would say your mom can choose. Let your mom and aunt battle it out, I’m sure since your mom already has it you’ll end up with it 🙂
Post # 10
@constellation: I agree that if it was given to your mom then your mom gets to decide what to do with it.
Post # 11
I am on the end of this which made me just text my Future Mother-In-Law…. last summer while at my Fiance sisters wedding, his mother shared with me something I didnt know…. he is one of 6 kids, but the only son. His Grandma had given his mom her ring for him to use! He has never seen it, and neither have I. all I know is that it is a band and gold, and his mom suggested just to have it dipped in white gold.
I just texted her about it right now from your post. I dont want to purchse a band and upset her. But i have NO idea what it looks like and my Fiance doesnt seem to have any sentimental attachment to it..
I am excited/nervous!
In your situation, I think it should def be your grandma’s choice!
Post # 12
It’s your grandma’s ring, first of all, and she gave it to YOUR mom. I would hate to think that your mom would give your younger cousin the ring, instead of you. Take the ring and don’t feel bad. IF your grandmother does have any objections, I’m sure she will speak up. Ask her privately how she feels about the matter. Ask her if she really did tell your cousin she could have it. Chances are likely that she did not offer the ring to your cousin, your aunt and cousin are probably just a little jealous of the situation and trying to ruffle some feathers.
Post # 13
I would have to agree with everyone. It is your grandmothers choice… and she gave it to your mother… So, guess what? You just got yourself an e-ring!