Who should give toasts?

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do?
    Nudge his brother to volenteer (result, possible speech, possible irritated finace) : (5 votes)
    38 %
    Start a conversation with my fiance (result, no speech and irritated fiance) : (2 votes)
    15 %
    Let it be (result, no speech) : (6 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 2
    1666 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    We asked our families if anyone wanted to do a speech, simple as that. No pressure at all.


    Post # 3
    33 posts
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Don’t stress out too much over the toasts…I don’t think you should go over your fiancé’s head and ask his family if he’s already said he doesn’t want to. However, I definitely wouldn’t expect anyone to just volunteer for the job…a lot of people don’t enjoy public speaking and I think that most people assume the best man and maid of honor will be the speech givers. 


    If anything, I’d just suggest mentioning again to your fiancé that you’d like to casually ask if that’s something his brother would be interested in doing. If either of them don’t like the idea, I’d just let it go and let it be one less thing to stress about. Realistically, most guests can’t wait for them to be over anyway. 


    If it helps at all to know, we decided to only have my dad give a toast as “host” and it wasn’t weird at all. He welcomed everyone and thanked them for coming, gave us some advice about a happy marriage, and wished everyone a wonderful night and that kicked off our dinner. It was warm, short, and in my opinion, absolutely perfect. 

    Post # 4
    7645 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Your fiance has it back to front. It is (generally) rude and presumptuous to offer to give a toast, because it puts pressure on the bride and groom to say yes. Therefore it is much, much better for the bride or groom to ask. It should be possible to ask in such a way that they can gracefully decline.

    So the best option is your fiance to step up and ask his brother. I guess you could hint to the brother, since you know that’s what Fiance actually wants. I think “do nothing” is the worst option.

    Post # 5
    8177 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    fidgets :  

    From your poll options it seems as if asking Fiance to ask his  brother is not OK and not going to work anyway? That being the case , I think  your asking your Future Brother-In-Law would NOT  be a good idea.

    So unless someone does offer, best let it go – as a pp says, most guests aren’t that keen on multiple toasts anyway . Or speeches. Who is giving speeches, if any ?  Just your dad and brother ? That’s fine,  quite enough .

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