Post # 17
I’m paying for hair/makeup for all 3 of my bridesmaid. They are charging me $150/person.
Before I even had a bridal party, I already set my budget for dress, shoes, hair/makeup because 2 of my 3 bridesmaids are from out of state. So they are already paying for their flights so the least I can do was cover everything else for them.
Post # 18
I have never heard the rule that if you are requiring your BM’s to get their hair done, then it is on your dime. My friends already knew that I didn’t care HOW they got it done per se, just that they got it done. We all visit the salon every two weeks or so anyway, so it wasn’t as if it was an unreasonable request. I paid for their makeup and their accessories, plus I got them all a gift, but they paid for their hair, mani/pedi’s, and dresses on their own (except for one who needed help with her dress). I think it’s a very nice gesture to pay for some of their services if you can afford to, but if not it doesn’t make you a "bad" bride as far as etiquette is concerned. You want everyone to look their best, and your friends usually feel the same way – so I think it’s pretty much understood that people will do whatever that means and not expect you to foot the bill for it, but if you do decide to help them in any way, I know they will appreciate it.
Post # 19
I hate to say it, but it is considered bad etiquette if you force your bridesmaids to get their hair done a certain way and you don’t pay for it. I’ve been a bridesmaid before and fortunately my friend didn’t require me to get an updo or anything. If she did, I certainly would have expected her to pay for it. On all the wedding boards I’ve read online, most people would disagree with you. Your friends will look nice even if their hair isn’t done by a hairstylist.
Post # 20
By the way, how much money do you and your friends make to be able to afford to visit the salon every 2 weeks?! lol… Based on that, maybe it isn’t a big deal in your circle for people to shell out money to get their hair done. But I know for many people (including myself), it’s expensive enough as it is just paying for the bridesmaid dress, alterations, gift, etc. I couldn’t imagine being forced to pay to get my hair done on top of everything else. That’s a bit excessive in my opinion.
Post # 21
What great guidelines and suggestions! I’ve got a tiny wedding party (my Maid/Matron of Honor plus a close friend who is our officiant). I’m paying for their mani/pedis the day prior as part of a women’s day (all the moms and other close family are invited as well). Hair and makeup they will do themselves – the salons in the area are crazy expensive. I’m only getting mine done because I’m hopeless at updos.
Not paying is not bad, but try and make the appointment option available in a way that minimizes confusion and makes expectations clear (that it’s optional and completely up to them). Also make the prices known so they aren’t in an awkward spot if it is beyond their budget.
Post # 22
If you are requiring they get their hair done then you should DEFINITLY pay for it.
If not, then I don’t think you need to pay for it.
Some bridesmaids may want theirs done, others may not, so if you have the money and are giving them the option of getting it done I would recommend a gift card so they can either choose to get it done, or get another spa service of their choice.
Kappauchf20 – I agree! every 2 weeks sounds so crazy! I get my hair done 3 times a year 🙂 LOL. and that’s by choice 🙂
Post # 23
if you are not asking them to do a particular hairstyle or have professional hair done, then you can just give them the option should they want it. i’m having them do their hair, which is why i’m paying for them. but if you dont mind them doing it themselves, then you dont need to offer to pay. it is not required either way, but is a nice gesture for the bridesmaids/friends/sisters/relatives.
Post # 24
Thanks for all of the advice!! You have all been really helpful. I’ll definitely make sure the options and costs are clear and I’ll see if I can work in a manicure gift or something similar for some girl time before the wedding.
Post # 25
Just for clarity….me and my friends are in no way rich, but it is necessary for us to get our hair done every two to three weeks. Myself and my bridesmaids are African-American. I have a short hair cut that I can’t maintain myself, and my bridesmaids have long hair that they usually get washed, flat-ironed, and curled regularly. So, it was kind of a given that they would be getting their hair done for my wedding. They actually came to me and asked me how I wanted them to get their hair done…..to which I said that it didn’t matter as long as it was done. My circumstance may not be the norm, but to me, I would think that the BM’s would want to look their best, and if to them that means getting their hair done, then the bride shouldn’t be obligated to pay for it. Offering is a nice gesture, and if you can afford it, then by all means, but I don’t think it should be expected. If they can do their own hair, and it will look good, then problem solved.
Post # 26
just to second what everyone else has said–please let your bridesmaids know that you won’t be able to pay for them if you can’t. Keeping it optional is great! The last wedding I was in, I was required to have hair & makeup professionally done and had to pay for it myself (this was after 2 bridesmaid dresses, gifts, travel, etc). It was a family wedding, and I was just out of school so a sudden $85 expense was not cool, especially as I assumed (since it was a huge fancy wedding) that the bride or her mom would have picked up the cost. I would have been totally fine paying if I had known up front that it would be expected (so I could have budgeted for it) and/or I was given the option to pass on the salon visit if I didn’t have the money/desire.
Post # 27
For Vietnamese weddings, the bride picks up the tab for hair, make-up, bridesmaid dress and bridesmaid traditional ao dai! 🙂 Reading the boards makes me realize this is not common, but for my culture, this is expected. In a way, what goes around, comes around, so it all evens out. But- it makes it a fun experience for all involved. I also paid for mani pedi for one of the gals to get it done with me, since it’d be lonely sitting in the salon by myself!
Post # 28
ditto what happywife says… but watch out cuz not everything comes around…. I am paying for everything for the BMs… but that doesn’t also happen when you are a BMs.
So why am I doing that? I simply don’t want to financially burden them.. they are my good friends and this should be a celebration. For that reason, I have a limited bridal party… I can’t pay for 6 girls, so I ended up having 3 BMs.
Even though for some cultures, it’s not the norm to pay for everything, please do consider the financial burdens on the BMs…especially if you are having a large shower, an expensive dress +shoes, and a destination wedding where they have to pay for flight and hotels. I think it’s just being hospitable to offer some setoff to those expenses IMO. Making the BMs pay for the large expenses is a no no and a huge financial burden.
Post # 29
If the bride requires them to get their hair or make ups professional done, than she should pay for it. If she leaves it as an option to the maids, than they pay for it.
The bride should know her budget and have an in dept conversation about what she is willing to pay for her maids, and what she isnt or is not able to.
Post # 30
I’m lucky… I only have a Maid/Matron of Honor my sister… it’s really easy to get my wishes across!
Post # 31
My girls are paying for their own hair and I am making it optional for them to come to the salon I have chosen. It’s also optional for them to get any extra services like make-up or nails. I have been in a few weddings as have most of my girlfriends and we have all always paid for our own hair and make-up. I am doing anything I can to save them money all in all. I talked to a few of my bridesmaids about it and they all said they expect to pay for hair and makeup so I shouldn’t even worry about it. That being said, I think most understanding people really do know that it all comes back around and someday, their bridesmaids will be doing the same for them. My thoughts are also then not to skimp on bridesmaids gifts! Be sure to budget this into your expenses!