(Closed) Who should pay for pre-wedding events for a destination wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think if you are inviting them to a welcome brunch then you should pay.  I’m not sure what the other events would be so I can’t comment on that, but if you are doing a rehearsal dinner, you should pick up the tab for that as well.

Post # 4
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Just saw this online:

“At a destination wedding, there are varying beliefs as to what is proper for the couple to pay for. Usually, destination wedding etiquette states that guests pay for their own travel and accommodation expenses, but there are some that state that the couple (or whoever is paying for the destination wedding) should also pay for the guests’ hotel rooms and other expenses. Most commonly, however, it seems that the couple is only seen to be responsible for the cost of the ceremony, reception, and any other “mandatory” events (such as pre-wedding dinners and other activities). Often, a thank you card acknowledging the guests attendance and a small gift is appropriate. Or, the couple could offer to contribute to the accommodations or airfare for some of their guests, or host a special event for all guests the night before the wedding”

from http://www.destinationweddings.com/tips_destination_wedding_etiquette.html

Post # 5
1431 posts
Bumble bee

I think it depends how you present these events to your guest. If you make it casual like.. ” hey everyone, we are having lunch at this place friday, all are welcome we would love to catch up before the wedding”  then people would probably know its one for all. If you make it seem like a hosted event like, ” please joing us on Friday for a welcome brunch” or something like that people may assume you are hosting it with catered food or picking up the bill. Just make it clear ahead of time so people can choose whether or not they want to be apart of it. 

Post # 6
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry, but if you host an event, you pay.

Post # 7
3625 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ItWasntMe:  I agree with this, especially since it is a Destination Wedding. Your guests have already shelled out money for airfare, lodging, rental cars, etc. so I think it would be a nice gesture to cover any set meals/activities that you invite them too. However, if these are just suggestions posted on the wedding website (e.g. We recommend dining at this restaurant or We encourage our Out of Town guests to take in the art at this museum), then you don’t have to pay. One way you can invite but not invite (if that makes sense) guests to come hang out would be if you included something like this on your wedding website:

“We would love to see your smiling faces while we are here in XXX. This is our itinerary for Friday, Saturday and Sunday: poolside cabana Friday, bocce ball court Saturday morning, etc. Feel free to stop by and say hi!”

Personally speaking, if I did spend a ton of money for this Destination Wedding as a guest, I would be slightly resentful at having to pay for a pricey upscale meal that I feel obligated to attend but didn’t necessarily budget for.

Post # 8
14491 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Agreed, if you are hosting an event such as a welcome brunch, I’d expect that it is paid for.  If you do not plan on covering, just make sure people know ahead of time and dont word it as if you are hosting it and that it’s more of a get together and totally optional.

Post # 9
8439 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We paid for events that we hosted (we also paid for everyones travel, accommodation and a lot of other transport as in airport transit etc).

I think it is definately in how you word the event. If you don’t want to host anything then just push out an information sheet with where you two will be etc and tell guests they are welcome to drop by!


Post # 10
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

yes, I think you should pay as per what other bees are saying.  We are going to do some welcome drinks which we will pay for. But we are not doing a rehearsel dinner, its not very common to do it in NZ where i am from so it wont be missed really.

Post # 11
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you are hosting, then you should pay.  I have been to a couple of dw and the couple of their family have hosted welcome cocktails and dinner and after wedding activities.  We had already paid alot of money to fly out there and get a hotel for two nights and our meals during non wedding activies.  

Post # 12
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We were confused by this as well since everyone was traveling to our Destination Wedding.  We didn’t have a rehearsal since it was in Vegas but we did an “optional” meet and greet dinner the night before…that several people didn’t go to including Future Father-In-Law and his wife.  We thought about paying for everyone but my parents said there was no need to since it wasn’t mandatory. 

One of DH’s aunts said “We have to pay for ourselves?  I thought this was a RD?”  To which someone else said “Well we didn’t exactly do a rehearsal so how can it be a RD?  So you have to pay for yourself.” 

I was strongly considering doing a dinner the night before the wedding and then a brunch the day after and paying for it all.  But talking to our family, they wanted to have some free time to themselves in Vegas w/o worrying where to go to next b/c we had planned something.  Plus they were staying all over the strip so picking a “neutral” place was really hard to do. 

Post # 13
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You pay for everything that you host.

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