Post # 1
This is my first post, but i discovered this board recently and love how supportive and helpful you all are to each other! This seems like a great place for advice, support, etc.
I am, as you may have guessed, “waiting” to be engaged, in the sense that my bf and I have talked about it quite a bit, and are going ring shopping for the first time next week (!!!!) but we are not yet engaged, nor have we really shared our intentions with many people.
We decided to wait until at least the 1 year mark of our relationship (also next week), for no real reason other than it felt right. SO, i have reason to believe I won’t be waiting too long, and i’m getting very excited!
OK, now that i have the intro stuff out of the way, I’ll get to the point: we had casually discussed a while back that he would ask my dad before he proposes. My parents love him and have already hinted that they think we’ll be married at some point, so i dont anticipate any issues. But recently, it was suggested to me that I should tell my parents I’m going ring shopping and that since i know we’re getting engaged somewhat soon, I should tell them so it’s not a complete surprise when he talks to them. I don’t really want to do this, especially because I dont need my mom calling me every time we go to dinner to ask if i have news! but i’m concerned that if they know we went ring shopping, they’d be hurt that i didn’t tell them.
SO, if anyone else has had extensive discussions with their significant others about getting engaged, have you told your parents? why or why not?
Thanks and i look forward to getting to know you guys!
Post # 3
I think most times when a guy goes to ask for ‘permission’, it is before any discussions about getting engaged or going ring shopping with them.
Welcome to weddingbee, by the way!
Post # 4
Might he ask your dad before you go ring shopping?
Post # 5
i don’t think you need to tell them. my husband didn’t ask my parents before b/c my mom tends to have a big mouth, and he didn’t want it getting back to me. they weren’t hurt, they were too busy being excited for us to care.
Post # 6
My hubby and I went ring shopping and then he asked my dad right before he popped the question ( a month or so before).
I dont think your parents will be hurt or offended if they arent spoken to about it right away. As long as he asks your dad before he asks you, im sure they will be delighted!
Post # 7
To be honest, I think Fiance “asked” (more like told, and then asked for his blessing) after he got the ring. Neither he nor my Dad, asked or told my mom though – she is such a blabber mouth that she would have ruined the surprise! Fiance didn’t even tell his parents he was going to propose, he had the whole proposal on lock down – a need to know basis.
Edit: Welcome By The Way, can’t wait to hear the proposal story when it happens!
Post # 8
Welcome to the hive!
I told my mom when my Fiance and I went ring shopping, mostly because we’ve been together for almost 6 years, and I was super excited lol Plus my mom and I are close and I think she would have been upset if I kept it from her.
The difference for me was that since my dad wasn’t around when I was growing up (he is back in my life now, but only the last 5 years or so), I didn’t feel it was necessary for my Fiance to ask my dad’s permission.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t worry about hurting your parents feelings. You said yourself that they’ve hinted that they think you’ll get married, so if he asks after you’ve picked out a ring I bet they’ll just be very excited!
My fiance and I did this even though I’m sure my parents had an idea that it was going to be soon anyway.
Post # 10
Thanks for the quick responses everyone! I hadn’t really planned on going ring shopping with him, or being involved in the process, so i hadn’t really thought this through, until he asked me to go shopping with him. Baileyh – that’s exactly what i was envisioning: ring shopping, he talks to them, he proposes, everyone is elated (i HOPE lol!)
and thanks for all the welcomes! rachael, i can’t wait to share the proposal story! 🙂
Post # 11
i told my parents the day we went shopping, as we went to dinner with them that night and i couldnt hide it (i have a big mouth). i also told my dad ‘dont worry, hes planning on asking you—i just wanted to pick out the ring’. knowing im super independent, my parents totally understand and thought this was funny. i could see how some parents would be hurt if they hadn’t be asked before the shopping though. he also asked for his blessing, not permission (im 26, come on lol). my parents were fine with it. you know your relationship with them, go with your gut on this one.
Post # 12
oh and blondeee, i know what you mean (i’m 28). For me it’s more a courtesy and something i think they’d appreciate so they feel like they’re kinda part of the process, not really asking “permission”. But i’m trying to balance that with the fact that at the end of the day, this is between the 2 of us and highly personal for me.
Post # 13
I thought that was the point of the guy asking the parents for permission?? It’s supposed to be a great surprise for the parents! I didn’t tell my parents we were ring shopping so when my Fiance asked for their permission, it was the first time they heard anything about us getting married even though they knew it was bound to happen. I say keep quiet and let the boy do his duties!
Post # 14
Haha I talk to HIS mom about it!! Both sets of parents can’t wait for us to get engaged. We talked to them a lot about it mainly because we really respect their opinions regarding timing/finances/relationships in general. We are very fortunate to have good relationships with both sets of parents, so that’s mainly why we talked to them.
But, I think Boyfriend or Best Friend will talk to my dad, maybe his dad, and MAYBE his best guy friend. Maybe. Boyfriend or Best Friend has made it clear that it will be a surprise and that as few people as possible will know before hand. He’s way too good at keeping secrets, so I’m sure he’ll make good on that promise. 🙂
Post # 15
I’d say, if you think they’ll be happy then let it be a surprise and don’t tell them. But if you think they may need to warm up to the idea maybe tell them now. I chose not to tell my parents even though I knew they would need to ease into the idea… and that was a mistake. It kind of ruined my “I’m engaged!” moment with them and I really wish I would’ve clued them in.