(Closed) Who should throw the shower?

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
80 posts
Worker bee

Apparently family isn’t, but maybe your mother could help your Maid/Matron of Honor do it?  Just behind the scenes with some $$ or baking or something?  Could they have a “kitchen tea” rather than a shower?  So the girls come over to the house, bring a plate and a small kitchen tea gift and you just have a nice afternoon?  I think “bring a plate” is a great idea.  If you don’t want gifts, then say “bring a plate, not a gift” and just have a nice afternoon with the ladies from both families, and friends.  It’s a great idea to get together before the wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 4
4675 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My aunt is officially throwing my bridal shower.  I don’t need anything super formal with games or anything, just hanging with some good people is fine with me.  Since I don’t have a ton of girl friends and everyone is all over the place it is probably going to be very small… and probably at my parents house.  (sticking my tounge out at the ettiquitte fairy!)  

Officially it isn’t poliet to ask anyone to throw your shower, but since your mom is insistant in having one why can’t she and the BM’s help throw it?  My mom will probably be a bit part of my shower, it doesn’t bother me at all.  And I have thown a shower on little $, and with another Bridesmaid or Best Man with little $ and it was a big success! We got creative, hosted it in my tiny apartment, and still managed to have a great time! 

Post # 5
3311 posts
Sugar bee

No immediate family member is supposed to throw a shower for you.  But your mom could host a bridal tea or luncheon which is not a gift giving event.  Then you could still socialize with your guests and spend time together.


Post # 6
13562 posts
Honey Beekeeper

My mom threw me a shower, my mother-in-law threw me a shower, and my best friend and her mom threw one, too. I know that there’s some rule somewhere saying that the bride’s mom isn’t supposed to do it, but I think that more and more brides are starting to ignore this rule.

And honestly, not a single person was turned off by the fact that my mom hosted the shower.

If you’re really concerned, you could always have your MOH/bridesmaids co-host it with your mom so that they can help with the planning and she can help with the cost.

Post # 7
11498 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

As PPs have noted, no immediate family member may properly host a shower on your behalf; however, as others have suggested above, there is no rule that says they cannot pay for the shower that is being hosted by others.

Depending upon what your mother is able to afford, she could underwrite the cost of a shower that is hosted by your bridesmaids at a suitable neutral venue such as a restaurant, a bridesmaid’s home, or even a church fellowship hall (if your family or one of your bridesmaids happen to belong to a church and if the church has such a venue.)


Post # 8
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My best friend/MOH is apparently throwing me a shower because she emailed me out of the blue yesterday and asked if a particular date was OK and about how many people I thought we should invite – caught me completely off guard – but so glad that at least SHE is on top of things!  We haven’t even officially finalized our guest list for the wedding – let alone thought about a shower!  It’s probably going to be at a friend of the family’s house – we ALWAYS have parties at her house because it’s big and gorgeous and she’s an amazing hostess….. I think your Maid/Matron of Honor and possibly other bridesmaids are usually pretty involved when it comes to throwing the shower, but I’m really not 100% sure.  I never heard that your family isn’t supposed to throw your shower – so that’s new to me!  Some “rules” seem kind of outdated nowadays…..  

Post # 9
37 posts
  • Wedding: March 2012

My mom is throwing me one, and my Mother-In-Law is throwing the other.  No one even blinked about this.  I am having only family to both, so why would I make my Maid/Matron of Honor who doesn’t know then throw it?  Plus she lives 2.5 hours away from eeveryone else ๐Ÿ™‚  My Master of Ceremonies and Maid/Matron of Honor are helping my mom who is doing it by herself, that day with food, serving ect.  I am doing the decorations with them lol(my mom hates decorating).  My Mother-In-Law is doing it with her sisters so she will have lots of help ๐Ÿ™‚  They both wanted to do it, and as I said, no one has said anything about it.

Plus if your mom is insisting on 100 plus people, then I think she should be the one willing to do the work for it, or settle for a much smaller gathering, it isn’t fair to throw that at a Maid/Matron of Honor, the financial burden of such a day would be huge.  Just my opinion.

Post # 10
13902 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We haven’t even begun figuring out shower plans yet.  BUT, when I was my sister’s Maid/Matron of Honor a few years ago, I was a broke college student.  My aunt let us use her house (she had a big enough house to hold it), and my sister’s Mother-In-Law helped with a lot of the cooking.  We got other people involved because the bridal party was all either in college or just graduated, so none of us had the money to do a lot.

Doing a backyard celebration or something at someone’s house (if it’s big enough) can be classy and very tasteful if done right.  Get your bridesmaids to volunteer to cook/bake, and maybe even forego favors (no one really ever uses them, anyway).  Remember, it’s a day to celebrate YOU and one of the earlier opportunities to formally wish you well in your marriage!

Post # 11
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My mom and Mother-In-Law threw our shower.  I know what etiquette supposedly says, but quite frankly, that’s outdated.  I see your from the Chicago area, as am I.  In this region it is quite common for the mothers to throw the bridal showers.    In fact, I’ve never been to a shower that wasn’t thrown by the MOB or MOG.

Post # 12
13562 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
@Vegas Pug: I agree. More and more brides are ignoring this piece of etiquette, it seems. I understand its origin (I guess), but it’s definitely becoming an outdated “rule.”

Post # 13
184 posts
Blushing bee



I live in the deep south so this may not apply to your situation.

Southern belles usually stick to southern etiquette.

Family members/relatives and especially the mother of bride or groom should never throw a shower or party (other than an engagement party where no gifts are expected) for the couple.  

Bridesmaids/MOH do not bear the responsiblity of the bridal shower or tea here either (thankfully because most are young, just getting started and without the necessary funding for such a fete)! The bridesmaids or Maid/Matron of Honor may give the lingerie shower, but rarely the bridal tea or bridal shower.

Often, it is friends of the MOB (and sometimes the MOG) that throw the bridal tea down here in the deep south and less often friends of the bride will assist, if the bride is older (30+). 

Depending on the bride, there are usually 15-30 hostesses who each contribute around ~$25-30 each toward expenses of the shower/tea and a gift for the happy couple.  

Post # 14
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

It’s totally normal in most parts of the US for moms to throw showers now.  My mom threw mine for my first wedding and no one said a thing.  

Being a poor graduate student myself, I had no problem throwing my best friend her shower.  We did it at my mother’s house and prepared the food ourselves (some tea sandwiches, awesome salads, etc.), bought a few bottles of decent wine, and got a cake from Publix.  Most of the games are low-cost or cost-free.  We put together a slideshow of photos from her childhood, made her answer questions about her groom that he had already given us the answers to and made her hold a marshmellow in her mouth for each wrong one, etc.  It was not a heavy investment.

Post # 15
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@Lorelei:  I am also from the deep south, raised with the same rule. Now I’m marrying a Northerner and his mom is throwing me a shower. I got super nervous about it and yet no one here thinks anything is odd about it!!!! But I’m letting it go, it’s all Northerners anyway who will be here so they think its ok, I will go with that LOL ๐Ÿ™‚

My mom, however, was horrified ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yeah it is totally normal where i live for the mom to throw it. My mom is having one in NY and my Future Mother-In-Law is having one in Florida. I have never been to one that was not hosted by the mom or Future Mother-In-Law.

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