Post # 1
My finance is a physician and I have a doctorate in the social sciences. He wants to use the title Dr. on the invitations. Should I refer to myself as Dr. as well, even though I rarely use the term to refer to myself?
I believe that traditional etiquette rules dictate the Dr. designation as belonging solely to MDs, but on the other hand, I think to acknowledge his training and not mine would come across as weird.
Personally, I think our invitation would be better without the Dr.s – after all, everyone knows what our professions are and we’re not applying for jobs at the altar – but he feels rather strongly about it.
Post # 3
The difference is that in a social context, traditionally only MDs are Dr., whereas in a professional context, both of you are Dr. So it make sense for only him to use that title.
Although I agree that the invitations would be better without. Personally, I find it awkward and a little arrogant to use such titles in a non-professional context (EDIT when referring to oneself, not when referring to guests).
Post # 4
@arathella: I agree. If there’s any disagreement in how to use titles like this, I think it’s best to just leave them off. Everyone you invite will most likely know what your profession/qualification is. No one will notice if you guys leave titles off the invitations, however they might think it strange, and there’s more room for error if you include your professions/qualifications on there.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars
Not the same scenario but I’m a vet (DVM) and my Fiance is a PhD. We’re not using it for either, even though I get referred to as Dr more than he does. Neither of us ever introduces ourselves that way unless work specifically call for it.
Post # 6
I find it off-putting when Dr. is used in non-professional settings as well, so I would leave titles off invitations altogether. But that is just me. If it’s really important to your Darling Husband then maybe you should still do it.
Out of curiosity have you guys considered how you will be verbally introduced after the ceremony and/or into the reception?
e.g. “introducing… Dr & Dr Smith!”
Post # 7
@JazzJune: i think you should just leave dr off altogether. just use your names without the titles. how often do you see ms jane doe and mr john smith are getting married on an invite? i don’t think i’ve ever seen that. it’s always just jane doe and john smith.
Post # 8
I’m with you that you deserve to be recognized but would you put other letters behind your name in this situation? What about putting them on your return addresses but not on the actual invitation?
I do feel it’s more important for women to emphasize and ask for the title Dr when it’s deserved but it might come across as pretentious unless everyone you’re inviting is also highly educated.
Post # 9
I’d say either don’t use it at all or just use it for him. I would find it really strange if you called yourself a Dr. Even though you have your doctrate, I wouldn’t consider you a Dr.
I’m getting my JD this May and can’t imagine ever putting Dr. before my name. At the same time, it would be appropriate for a lawyer to put eqs. after her name, but I would not do that on my wedding invitation.
Post # 10
Thanks for your feedback everyone! This will just provide more ammunition for me in getting the Dr.s removed. 🙂
Post # 11
@CoCoCourtney: Well, even though JD stands for Juris Doctorate, JDs never go by Dr. – not professionally or socially. Some PhDs do. Pretty much all MDs do.
Post # 12
@JazzJune: My viewis to go by what people go by. My dadhas an Ed.D. and goes by Dr. My Father-In-Law has a phd an goes by mr. It doesn’t make either more or less special, it is just a comfort thing. Youve earned the title and it is fine to go by it. All of the PhDs we invited (other than Fil who was addressed mr) appreciated the distinction. They worked hard for their degree, as did you, and earned the title
Edit: I wouldN’t put them on the invites, but your return address could be dr. First last or just first last. When introduced at the reception it should be “the doctors his last)
Post # 13
Count me in with those who feel doctors are arrogant and self -aggrandizing when they insist on using “Dr” in a social context.
Almost no other profession does this. Yes, we know you went to school for years. So did lots of others.
All jobs are important. Where would that doctor be without a good mechanic to keep that expensive car in top-notch condition? (taking the bus or taxi to an emergency in the middle of the night?)
Post # 14
That’s a GOOD one! We both have doctorates of some type but hadn’t really discussed this aspect of it. I’ll say this: I think that socially, “Dr. and Mrs.” are very common for male medical doctors and their non-doctor spouses and possibly also college professors (although I’m not sure about that one). I’d also add that the use of “Dr.” in a social context is to denote profession, not training. So If only the wife is a medical doctor (like with my parents)or if they both are, does it become Mr. and Dr.? or Dr. and Mr.? (because which is higher “ranking,” the profession or the gender?) I’ve never gotten a satisfactory answer on this. In my fiance’s country it is very common to refer to a couple as Professor and Mrs. in a social context. That would be fine with me. But I wouldn’t really be down with Dr. and Mrs. because that would suggest that he is and I’m not. Whereas with the professor thing, he actually IS and I’m not.
As for wedding invitations, the only people whose names I could see being in formal social format is the parents and the groom. “Dr. and Mrs. so-and-so invite you to the marriage of Daughter’s First and Middle name to… (where it would normally say Mr. So-and-so) Dr. So-and-so, son of Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I’d skip both. Where on the invitation, however, are you anticipating putting formal addresses of Dr. vs. Mr./Mrs. if you are the two getting married? It seems really odd to put any title on the invitation when listing the two people being married.
Post # 16
@Pollywog: Yes – I absolutely use titles on addressing invites to our guests – the PhDs, the MDs, and the EdDs. lol