(Closed) Who should use "Dr." on the invitation?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who uses doctor?

    Both of you!

    Him only!

    You only!

    It's best to leave it off for both of you!

  • Post # 18
    Member
    33 posts
    Newbee

    I am in the situation where we both work in a hospital (my fiance is a physcian and I am not) and will have many “Dr’s” at the wedding. We have dropped it all together for everyone except for a select few much old Dr’s. My fiance never wanted to have his name written as a Dr on anything. I always find it seems like you are throwing it in peoples face. Everyone at your wedding knows what you guys do for a living and don’t need to be reminded. However I know many who dislike being called “Mr”. It’s either no title or Dr. We always vote the no title one!

    Post # 20
    Member
    33 posts
    Newbee

    I’m even on the fence for the grand introduction. Seems weird for the DJ to say Dr. and Mrs.  i think i’m just going to have them say our first names.

    Post # 21
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Edited (just saw my question was already answered)

    I should also say congratulations to all of you bees who earnt their PhDs! 🙂  I’m happy to see so many women do so well

    Post # 22
    Member
    7899 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    View original reply
    @JazzJune:  I don’t know… but it just seems weird. Same reason that the parents would get Mr/Mrs but the couple never does.

    I have a PhD and teach at a unviersity, but we were introduced as Mr. and Mrs. S, because socially, I am a Mrs., not a Dr. I’m Dr. MyLastName at work and in professional settings, but not with my family and friends. I expect my daughter’s friends to call me Mrs., not Dr. too.

    Post # 23
    Member
    9124 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    Hmm, I find these answers weird.  It doesn’t strike me as snobby or whatever at all when doctors use “Dr.” in a social context.  (WHEN a title is being used, as opposed to “Mr.” or “Ms.”  Not sure if an invitation qualifies for that?  Most just have your names, right?)  But it doesn’t mean they think they’re above the rest of us.

    With PhDs, on the other hand – I think that sounds goofy.  I have a master’s degree but I’m not going to go around calling myself Master Lolot.

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    In my circle, these titles are only used for less-intimate matters. It wouldn’t be used here because this is not a professional occasion, but a deeply personal one. Here you just use your names, no title.

     

    In situations where titles are used, there is no time when you would only use the male’s professional title but not the female’s, or vice versa. Perhaps the exception is if anyone ever yells, “is there a doctor in the house?” since you’ll know in that case that they’re not looking for someone with a PhD 😉

     

    Post # 26
    Member
    11521 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    @JazzJune:  I would encourage you to follow traditional etiquette for your invitations and reserve the “Dr.” title for a medical degree only.  For example:

    “Mr. and Mrs. John Edward Doe request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter

    Jazz June

    to

    Doctor Robert Michael Smith

    …..”

    Post # 27
    Member
    743 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have a PhD (as does my husband) and I worked damn hard for that Phd!  In a formal social setting (i.e. if an adult would refer to me as “Mrs.”) I would prefer them to call me “Dr.” instead. 

    However, in informal social settings…or, when folks send us holiday cards, they use “Mr. and Mrs.”.

    On our invites, we just did not put a title: “FirstName LastName and FirstName LastName wish to invite you to…”  because our wedding was not a formal function but rather a gathering of family and friends.

    IMO, I don’t like the idea of a Dr. and Mrs. if, indeed, the Mrs. also has a doctorate.  IMO, it is demeaning – you are honoring the education of the husband, but then not the wife?  Why not??

    Post # 28
    Member
    4998 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I think only the parents should have it on a formal invitation and your names should just be “first middle last”. It seems pretentious otherwise. I jokingly told my fiance it will say “Dr.” before my name but I would never

    Mine say:

    Drs. Dad and Mom Lastname

    blah blah blah

    their daughter

    First Middle

    to

    First Middle Last (my FI)

    Post # 29
    Member
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @lolot:  I think the reason some people feel that way is because in a familial or social situation it isn’t necessary to highlight your level of education. In a professional context you need to differentiate yourself this way to indicate how qualified you are, but there isn’t a clear reason why you would do it with friends. I don’t think it’s wrong to do it, but I’ll admit I find it off-putting myself

    Post # 30
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I have a related question- I’ll be the doctor in our family, and I’ll be a medical doctor, so I will be going by Dr Last name. In this case, are we Dr and the Mr or Mr and the Dr?

     

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