(Closed) Who should use "Dr." on the invitation?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who uses doctor?

    Both of you!

    Him only!

    You only!

    It's best to leave it off for both of you!

  • Post # 32
    Member
    800 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m not going to look it up, but my recollection is that etiquette books speak directly to this point, and that neither the bride nor the groom should use Dr. on the invites. 

    ETA: OK, I looked it up in one place. The ruling: If you’re using the traditional wording, (I.e. your parents are hosting), you don’t use Dr. (or any honorific), but he does. If you’re not using the traditional wording (I.e. you’re hosting yourselves), it seems you both can, but can also choose not to. Sadly I can’t cut and paste from my Kindle reader.

    Post # 33
    Member
    30393 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @cirk:  Professionally Doctor and Mr

    Socially Mr and Mrs

    Post # 34
    Member
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    @julies1949:  i have no plans to go by Mrs at all. So we’ll just be Dr and Mr, which is what I thought. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    1762 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @RunnerBride13:  Agree. The bride and groom are not normally listed as “Ms” and “Mr” so it doesn’t make sense to use the title simply because one has earned a doctorate (PhD or MD).

    Post # 39
    Member
    1675 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    @JazzJune:  I start in June, so I’m excited about that. I had to finish out my year commitment to teaching.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Neither or both. I find it inappropriate to laud someone’s training and ignore the other’s – if you were addressing an invitation to a couple like yourself, would you leave her credentials off? However, I don’t think it’s typical or appropriate to include in your actual invitation and I would just leave it off for both. I know when I complete my PhD I will be proud of it and go by Dr in professional settings, but a wedding invite is not where I’d flaunt that. It just seems… attention-grabby and not in the spirit of the event.

    FWIW, we will be in a Dr/Mr situation in a few years, and I am sure that my (non-PhD-or-MD-having) friends will ignore that and just address things to Mr and Mrs. It’s a social event, so I won’t care, and I would be surprised if they included their credentials on social things like invitations as well.

    Post # 41
    Member
    2336 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m a JD, DH a PhD, Dad a Capt (06 rank), Father-In-Law a PhD

     

    We followed ettiquette and used Captain for my dad but not Dr. for Father-In-Law.  We also avoided titles for either of us to keep it a little more casual and follow ettiquette for the social setting rather than professional setting. 

    We also did not use titles for placecards.  In part to reduce formality, but also fear of making a mistake!  We have a LOT of physicians, and even a few hyper educated folks with 2-3 degrees (Phd+M.D., M.D.+J.D.+M.Bioethics etc.)  Invitations were complicated and required quite a bit of googling…

    Ultimately though, ettiquette is about not upsetting people and making them comfortable, so if it really bothers you/your husband, then do it how you want.

     

     

     

    Post # 42
    Member
    270 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    My opinion is leave the Dr.s off. We did. I am a vet, so technically I have a doctorate. My fiance has a slew of letters after his name, though they are unfamiliar to most folks. I did list my stepdad as Dr. even though he has a phd and not an md, because I knew he would like it : ) I say screw ettiquete and do what you like!

    Post # 43
    Member
    8409 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @JazzJune:  The bride and groom usually do not have any titles on the invitation, so there is no reason to put either doctor on them. Regarding announcing you after the ceremony, the whole purpose of that is to announce you as husband and wife. It has nothing whatsoever to do with your education or profession, it has to do with the huge change that just occurred in your life, namely that you have become Mr and Mrs. I would find it extremely odd and pretensious to go to a wedding and hear the couple announced as “Dr and Dr”, “Dr and Mrs”, or “Mr and Dr”. I might expect to hear something like that at a graduation, but see no point to it at a wedding. Of course you’re proud of your education – you should be, it’s a huge accomplishment. But what does it have to do with the wedding?

    Post # 44
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    In social situations you would not use the Dr. But for the record, both the MD and the PhD use Dr.–the MD isn’t “above” the PhD in any way in that regard.

    For our invites, we used Dr. if the person had any kind of doctoral degree (MD, DDT, PhD). For example, one person who is a dentist and his wife were Dr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith. For cousins who are both PhDs but with different last names we put Dr. John Smith and Dr. Jane Doe. For a friend who is a PhD and whose partner is not we put Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe.

    We’re not using titles at all for escort cards.

    As an aside, I joked to my Fiance that we should be introduced as Dr. and Mr. Mylastname, but he didn’t go for it. 🙂

     

    Post # 45
    Member
    5360 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @JazzJune:  Homey- you put a lot of freaking work into getting a Ph.D.! Freaking use the Dr. for this super fancy occassion!!

    Post # 46
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    By the way, I’m kind of appalled at how many people (incorrectly) think that a PhD isn’t a “real” doctorate and don’t think that it deserves a title as much as an MD does. In the cases where titles are used at all, that is.

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