Post # 1
Okay here’s the story:
My dad had me with my mom when he was already married. My dad had a high position and kept me a secret for years. He only came down to see me on my birthdays to take me shopping.
I have not asked him for much of anything ever. When I called him to tell him that I was getting married he wondered why I hadn’t told him sooner. He has a way of being very sarcastic and pushing my buttons, so that’s what I told him. I didn’t want him to say anything crazy and upset me. I asked if he was coming for the wedding and about escorting me down the aisle. He said that if I had to ask those questions, then he hadn’t done what he needed as a father…YOU THINK?!! He said that he’d work on our relationship and call back, etc. Never happened.
I called after I found my dress to see if he’d help pay for the dress. He went into a speech about paying too much for weddings..blah blah blah! He said that he’d call back…I haven’t heard from him since. (he doesn’t even call to wish me Happy Birthday)
Since I have been grown I have grown to love my Pastor like a father. He also treats me like a daughter and everyone knows it. Now, here’s the thing: Do I replace my dad with my Pastor, go ahead and let my dad do it, or have them both do it? I would much rather have my Pastor walk me down the aisle than officiate the ceremony ( I think it’s a greater honor).
Or do you have any other suggestions?
Post # 3
it doesn’t sound like your dad deserves to be a part of your ceremony — invite him as a guest, nothing more!
Post # 4
I agree with Daydreamer. Whoever means the most to you can walk you down the aisle or you can walk by yourself.
Post # 5
how about your mom?? she can walk you down the isle
Post # 6
I don’t have the greatest relationship with my father either so I’m walking alone. I’m really excited about it and I think it looks really pretty to hold the bouquet with both hands
Post # 7
Typically your pastor doesn’t walk you down the aisle. Perhaps you can put a special note in your program in regard to how you feel about him. Your father doesn’t seem to really care about you. If it were me, I would not even invite him to the wedding. From what you have stated, he doesn’t deserve to have a daughter as good as you are. That being said, if I were you, I would walk alone or have your mom walk you.
Post # 8
To me, the person who walks you down the aisle should be the person who loved you and cared for you and took care of you (in a tangible sense or emotional sense), and shouldn’t necessarily be for someone who happened to donate sperm X number of years ago. If you love your pastor and he has been in that role for you while your dad has not, and you WANT him to have that role, then by all means I think that you should do it!!
I was going to have my mom walk me down the aisle, but now she is going to be officiating. Then I asked my uncle who has always been there for me, but he recently had hip surgery, so he cannot do it. My mom was throwing out random other male family members, but no one who came close to being that way for me (no relationship with father–not even telling him I’m getting married). So, I’m just going to walk myself!
Definitely do whatever you want & whatever would mean the most to you.
Post # 9
You’re dad is alive right? He may not deserve to have the honour of walking you down the aisle but it’s tradition. My parents are divorced and I was mostly raised by my mom, my mom asked if she could be the one to walk me down the aisle but I said no mom that would be weird lol. So I asked my dad and he agreed full heartedly we may even dance the “father daughter dance”. I say just ask him and only have someone else walk you down the aisle if he says no. Just ask the worst that could happen is that he says no. Good luck and congrats!
Post # 10
Thanks so much for reading and giving me your ideas. I really appreciate you all. This is a very touchy subject for me and something that is really important to me. I am still not sure what I am going to do yet, but it feels better to know that others care.
Post # 11
Do you have any brothers? That might work…
Post # 12
MrsGibbs: ONe of my brothers will be a Groosman. The other is in school in AK and can only come for the wedding itself.
Post # 13
The person who ‘gives you away’ is supposed to be someone you love and care for, and someone who has returned that love. He does not seem to be a person who has had the most positive infuence on your life. That moment is supposed to be so special for the bride, and if it is going to be with someone who shares your genes, but someone toward whom you harbor some resentment, the moment will not be so meaningful. You should choose someone (male or female) who has had a significant part in your life; someone who has more of a right to ‘give you away.’
Post # 14
I would say either invite your father as a guest and have the pastor walk you down, or walk down yourself, this would be very beautiful. In the end it is all about what you want, just really sit down and think about it!