(Closed) Who should walk me down the aisle?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
338 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t think that’s really fair of your dad.  If you want both your parents to walk you down the aisle, tell them that.  Then your dad can decline if he wants, and your decision will be made for you, and you won’t have had to choose.

Post # 3
537 posts
Busy bee

I was going to say the same thing as SouthernBee. It sounds like your dad is trying to guilt and manipulate you. Tell him that you would love for him to walk you down the aisle, but that you are not willing to choose between him and your mom. Say that you would welcome him if he wod be willing under these circumstances. If he is not willing, then say you are very sorry that he is declining, but you will regretfully accept his decision.

Post # 4
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Bar Harbor Inn

Tell him you’d like both. If he declines that’s on him. That way you haven’t hurt anyone. 

Post # 5
3585 posts
Sugar bee

I didn’t read this all but I didn’t really grow up around my father either and i know my mom wants to walk me down the aisle as well but i feel like as my father he should do it alone. I’m still going to let her walk down the aisle but i am not sure if i want two people walking me down. Plus I’d feel like everyone is in my bubble which i hate.

My advice is do what you feel is right. Maybe tell your dad that it’s not fair he is giving you a guilt trip. 

Post # 6
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel

I agree with previous posters. Is not fair at all that your dad is refusing, is your wedding day! and theres nothing wrong with both of them walking you down the isle. Like southerbee said if he declines than pretty much he is making the decision for you.

Post # 7
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s wrong for him to put you in this position however I am sort of seeing it from his perspective. He was away all of the time working, and providing for his family. I know many long haul truck drivers and honestly, sometimes the “loner” thing becomes a habit. They don’t really know how to handle a group of people at once. The constant noise, conversations and such isn’t normal for them. I once had a driver tell me he worked out that with all of his hours on the road and the fact that he only ever really had human interaction on his days off or at gas stations where he stopped to refill the truck and eat, 80% of his time he was alone. He got so used to his quiet time (besides the stereo) that being alone was what became normal to him (which is probably why your dad wouldn’t spend much time with you guys when he was home). He clearly regrets it and feels bad and now he probably thinks this is your way of punishing him for something that was out of his control. You mother was always there for you because she could be. She’s a good mum and sensed that because one parent was away, she had to do her best to make sure none of your needs were neglected. You just need to realise that she had the convenience of being around to attend all of those events you listed, he didn’t because he was out making money to pay for those things.

I do feel as though he is trying to guilt you into picking him and being passive agressive a little but I feel bad for the guy. Traditionally the father “gives the daughter away” and he probably thought it was a given that he would walk you down the aisle one day.

Just another perspective to consider.

ETA: My father and I are not currently on speaking terms and he will not even be attending my wedding let alone walking me down the aisle…I’m a little hurt by this which is probably why I see things a bit differently to PPs. I wish I had the option of having my dad “give me away”.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 2 months ago by  sunnyland.
Post # 8
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I think you should talk to him again and tell him that it would really mean a lot to have the both of them walk you down the isle. It’s not really fair to make you pick between your father and your mother. He probably just doesn’t like the idea of it now and is just saying these things because that’s how he feels at the moment, but i’m sure he’ll realize that making you happy on your wedding day is much more important than his pride. I mean it’ll only be for a minute, can’t he just suck it up for his daughter’s wedding?

Post # 9
1084 posts
Bumble bee

I had a very similar situation. I had both of them walk me To not hurt my fathers feeling. but I told my mom in private “this is our walk” and I hugged her.

Post # 10
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Train station ceremony / Hilton reception

View original reply
blondebride15:  I’m walking myself down the aisle — no shame in that!  You could give it as you giving yourself away.

Post # 11
2117 posts
Buzzing bee

I would try asking him again and explaining that you would really like to have him walk you down the aisle too explaining what you did to us that he was still your Dad and provided for you and if he declines or insists on making you pick than choose your mother… have you asked your mother what she thinks? Some people just see this as a traditional moment with Dad and just have Dad walk them down the aisle regardless of the various relationships. So there is also a chance that your Mother just expects your Dad will be the one to walk with you?

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