(Closed) Who should win this argument?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Bride wins or father of the bride wins

    The bride should get her way

    The father of the bride should wear what he wants

  • Post # 32
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @MrsBot: I totally missed the line about him paying for the wedding. Oops!

    Either way, they should be able to come to a reasonable resolution.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    This (in my humble opinion) is the most ridiculous thing for these 2 adults to be arguing about.   While I don’t think it’s necessary, I do know that some brides with darker ivory dresses (keep in mind that most “ivory” dresses are actually quite light and not yellow at all) chose for the men’s shirts to be ivory as well.  Having said that, given that the men will be in jackets, and given that no one will be holding one shirt directly against another to compare, I find it a little hard to believe that one white shirt will “ruin” any pictures.  This is real life, with real people’s feelings and perspectives, not a styled magazine shoot.

    Having said all that….and given the pre-existing ivory shirts….if I had to weigh-in on one side I’d say that the FOB should concede and wear ivory so as not to make unnecessary waves. But really I think both people involved have totally lost sight of what is truly important.

    Post # 34
    Member
    2353 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If he wins this argument and wears the white shirt, he’s going to be sorry later when his looks different … at the wedding, in the pictures… Having beaten down the wishes of your daughter, the bride, is hardly an achievement to look back on with pride. 

    Her request is perfectly reasonable, and if that were my dad I’d be crushed, CRUSHED, that he was arguing me down over a shirt. It’s not like she’s asked him to wear a clown suit! She just wants him to wear the same shirt everyone else will have. Hard to believe this is all really just about the shirt. Is he upset with her over something else and is trying to punish her? 

    Post # 35
    Member
    2724 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I had an ivory dress and DH wore a white shirt. You cannot tell in photos.

    However, if several people are wearing ivory then his white will have a slight contrast from the others. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee

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    @ProfessorGirl: Hard to believe this is all really just about the shirt. Is he upset with her over something else and is trying to punish her? 

    I was going to ask this, but I thought it might be rude. I totally agree with you, though. My first thought was that this whole thing got blown out of proportion due to something else that’s really bothering him.

    Post # 37
    Member
    10360 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Just because you are paying for the wedding doesn’t mean that the day is about you and what you want (sorry, I know it’s harsh, but I really hate it when parents use the “we are paying” as an excuse to have the wedding they wanted to have instead of viewing it as a gift to their kids, as it should be).

    White will look bad in the pictures next to all the ivory. Getting so worked up over what is essentially a shade of white seems petty and unnecessary. Tell him to suck it up and wear the ivory shirt with the black tie.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1621 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @MrsElopement: Yes!

    View original reply
    @ProfessorGirl: I think we shouldn’t assume the FOB will be “sorry”, as if he is a misguided and misinformed idiot to wear a white shirt.  He is a grown man with a lot of years behind him and he can make an informed decision on whether or not HE thinks a white shirt will look appropriate give the situation. But as you say, NEITHER one of them should want to “beat down” the other for such a really trivial issue.  He is the host of the wedding, and by the same arguement should she beat down and disrespect his wish to wear a white shirt? The bottom line is, without more information from the OP it’s impossible for any of us to tell what’s really going on and how serious either one’s reasons are for their ridiculously rigid stance.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2353 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    @cdncinnamongirl: I don’t think I suggested that anyone was a misguided or misinformed idiot, and I don’t see where you get that from me. I believe you that he is a grown man who can choose his own clothing, and I don’t think I suggested anything to the contrary on that, either. I am sure he would dress himself quite well. I am wondering, however, since this is clearly very important to his daughter, what else might be going on that he is insisting on looking different from the other gentlemen in the bridal party. That seems strange to me. 

    The stress of weddings brings out the absolute worst in many people, and causes us to draw lines in the sand that we ordinarily would never consider paying any attention to – later, when the stress is past, the source of the argument will appear as trivial as it really was at the time, but the hurt feelings are still around. I have seen and heard of the parents of the bride and groom acting perfectly awful about details like this – we’re paying so we can do what we want, etc – and stomping all over their children’s perfectly reasonable requests, only to realize once the wedding is over that their behavior was destructive and hurtful, and in some cases that they ruined moments of the wedding for the people whose wedding it actually was, but that it’s too late to go back and fix it. I fear that may be the case here.

    Post # 40
    Member
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    View original reply
    @BlondeMissMolly: Agreed.

    It seems like a really silly thing to argue over, especially since some of us (me) can barely tell the difference in the color unless it’s SUPER pronounced.

    I voted that he should be able to wear what he wants because that’s what I believe, but in this instance I think he should just let it go. She’s probably really stressed and this is just another stupid thing to add on top of it all. Yeah, he’s paying, but come on. It’s white or ivory. Not white or purple or green or something. Plus PPs who have said it will look weird in pictures are right and does he really want his daughter to look at her pictures and be angry all over again? I wouldn’t think so.

    Post # 41
    Member
    4801 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think the FOB is being totally silly – there isn’t a big difference between ivory and bright white, and she jsut wants him to blend in for pictures – I bet her dress is ivory too, so he needs to think about that for pics and walking down the aisle. There is very little most dads need to do to help get ready for the wedding day…just wear the shirt.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

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    @maureen0907: phew! Happy that is all settled!

    I like how most of us commented on how petty the argument was, but had such different views on this topic. I never thought this thread would be this long!

    Post # 44
    Member
    6891 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

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    @maureen0907:

    Yay for resolution! 🙂

    Post # 46
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: March 2012

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    @maureen0907: Glad this is resolved! You guys all need a relaxing massage after this!

    The topic ‘Who should win this argument?’ is closed to new replies.

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