Who should you include at hair and makeup?

posted 2 weeks ago in Logistics
  • poll: Should I include my MIL?
    Yes : (19 votes)
    53 %
    No : (17 votes)
    47 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    958 posts
    Busy bee

    Honestly, I think the invitation should have been extended to her. I could see where it could be hurtful to her to have not been included. I’d just make sure you try your best to let her know shes still welcomed. But I don’t think it’s a huge deal in the long haul, it depends on your relationship as well.

    I extended the invite to my Mother-In-Law and she declined, I even re offered the day of and still she declined. I was actually kind of hurt/disappointed I didn’t get to spend any time with her. But again, I’m not losing sleep over it. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    447 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    Personally, I extended the invite to my Future Mother-In-Law. She has no daughters though, so I’ve been trying my best to include her in a lot of the typical girl wedding type stuff. I don’t think she’ll be spending the time getting ready with us all morning though – just popping in to get her hair and makeup and then going back to hang out with Fiance and the rest of their family.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1919 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I think you should have invited her since you invited your own mom and grandmother (and your FI’s sister too), I included my Future Mother-In-Law because my mom was included. But it seems like she’s already made her own plans anyways. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    3577 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Since you included your mother, you should have included your Mother-In-Law. If you had only had the bridesmaids then I would have thought it was fine.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2127 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2016 - The Venetian

    Like PP, I included my Mother-In-Law alongside my mom.

    Post # 7
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree with PPs and say you should have included your Future Mother-In-Law. I understand wanting to just be with your mom that morning but this is just one of those things that you have to suck up for the good of your fiancé/the family.

    At this point I would reach out to your Future Mother-In-Law and apologize for not inviting her. I would explain that you assumed she would want to get ready with her family that morning but that she is more than welcome to join you. It sounds like she will likely decline and you will get that morning to yourself like you wanted anyway. If her and your FSIL want to hold a grudge about it, oh well. There’s only so much you can do. Even though you don’t really want her there, you didn’t exclude her on purpose. Your intentions weren’t bad.

    Post # 9
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee

    I also am a little surprised since I spoke with some people at work (both moms/MILs and brides) and not a single one of them saw the other side of the family until everyone met at the church or ceremony site.  Seems to me that it’s pretty 50-50 and not as much of a given as some posters have made it out to be.    

    Fair enough – every wedding I’ve ever been apart of has had both mothers getting hair and makeup done together with the bride and bridal party, but I’m sure this is not always the case. I was giving advice based on my own experience. I truly have no idea if there is proper etiquette for this situation.

    They do sound like the type of people who you can’t win with. Sorry, Bee. In laws can be a challenge.

    Post # 10
    Member
    880 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    undecided If she scheduled her own hair BEFORE you scheduled your setup then she must have not been too worried about being invited. You were supposed to invite her to an event before it was planned? Imo she is not your mom and shoudn’t expect every invite that your mom gets. 

    If you aren’t opposed to inviting her, then invite her and say that you thought she had other plans- which is true- but she is of course welcome to join you. If they want to be petty about “its too late” when it is in fact not too late, then let them be petty but ignore their pettiness. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9147 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    melissaa1000 :  well.. tbh your reasoning doesn’t really make sense. You equate his family as ‘his side’.. but his sister is your MoH and will see you.. so.. you don’t?

    I invited Mother-In-Law to have her makeup done with us, even though my mom had already declined. She declined too, after hearing my mum had declined (I think it helped there was no fomo.) It’s just.. a polite thing to do, if you’re going to invite your own mum and even your grandmother. It’s not like FH is going to have a hmua when he is getting ready…

    Bridezilla? No.. but thoughtless and I can see why she may be a bit hurt you didn’t even offer.

    Post # 12
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Unlike everyone here I am not including my Future Mother-In-Law. And I don’t know anyone who has of my friends either! I’m including my bridesmaids, mom, and a female friend (she’s not a bridesmaid but is married to a groomsman and his since become a good friend and I had an extra spot).

    I think it depends on your relationship with Future Mother-In-Law. My ex’s mom? I would have invited her in a heartbeat, she was a second mom to me. My fiance’s Mother? We have basically no relationship and it would not be fun to have her around.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1637 posts
    Bumble bee

    It would not have occurred to me to include the Mother-In-Law with the getting-ready activities of the bride, as she is not a relative of the bride nor a bridesmaid.  I can’t recall ever seeing a wedding where the groom’s mother was included in the activities of the bride’s wedding prep (hair, makeup, dressing, etc)

    Post # 14
    Member
    17 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2018

    melissaa1000 :  I am a second time bride and the first time around I did not invite my ex-MIL to the salon for hair and makeup.  I can’t even remember why (it’s been almost 20 years).  We ended up having a great relationship for the 15 years of my marriage and even have a decent relationship after the divorce (all our conversations are regarding my daughter).  I don’t really think it’s a big deal.

    However, all things family are best handled with a personal, one-on-one approach.  Talk with her directly, tell her that you didn’t mean to exclude her and that you thought she would be spending the “get ready” part of the day with her son, not you.  Invite her in person and let her know you would like her to be present if she wishes to be.  Then, regardless of any thrashing about on their end, be at peace that you did the best you could and enjoy your day with your family.

    Post # 15
    Member
    380 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

    In my wedding, I arranged hair and makeup for myself, my mother, Mother-In-Law, my sisters, BMs, and best woman. If my husband had a sister, I would have extended it to her as well. 

    However, it may differ depending on your social circle and culture, but in my circle, it was expected that all females of the immediate family would be included in getting ready. 

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