(Closed) Who "takes care" of your household?

posted 7 years ago in Home
  • poll:

    Me - SO/FI/DH wouldn't know where to find the kitchen or the broom...

    We have a balance - 50/50!

    SO/FI/DH takes care of me!

    Other... (please explain)

  • Post # 47
    Member
    2490 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    All me. And I love it that way!

    He will do maintenance type stuff and if I ask him to do something he will do it, and we share the cooking. But, for the most part all of the cleaning, tidying, organizing, decorating, etc. is all me.

    Post # 48
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @squigglybaby:  We try to split things 50/50, but recently Fiance has been doing more than me due to medical issues I’ve been having. Luckily, he’s a pretty clean guy..so after a while things just bug him.

    I would say your Fiance is normal in the aspect of when you ask him to do something it just takes forever…lol. My Fiance does that crap too!

    Post # 49
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @squigglybaby: He does stuff outside. So lawn, pool….He is obsessed with the pool and cleans it entirely too much – especially since we aren’t using it because of this crappy weather. Since he is so fond of the outdoors, I tell him to water the garden and all plants while he’s at it. He doesn’t mind, but he doesn’t seem happy about it.

    • I cook (he wants to learn – we’re still at eggs right now <.<) 
    • clean (dust & mop, do windows, bathroom), 
    • do dishes, 
    • laundry  (he offers to carry the basket down for me, which is nice but NBD) 
    • and I do general little housekeeping things. 

    He’s a little OCD so although what he does helps me, in the grand scheme of things it’s pretty small. Like…I know that you think doing the bed when you come home from work is a chore, but it’s not. It takes 5 minutes, don’t say “But I made the bed!” when I ask that you please just put the dishes in the dishwasher (I usually wash them by hand unless there is a lot). 

    I mostly get mad when he lists all the things he has to do. He’s like “All I have left to do is shower, pack my lunch, and iron”. And I’m like…out of those things, only ironing is a chore. Packing your lunch literally means taking the tupperware of leftovers that I cooked, and putting it in your lunch back and into the fridge. I don’t see how that even counts. And the showering? No. I’ve been up on my feet since I walked through the door at 6, and it is now 1130 and I still have to shower too on top of maybe catching 5 minutes of a TV show so I don’t feel completely pathetic and slave-like (to my house, not him). 

    He is just slow, I feel like. Like it takes him forever to do something and some of the things he sees as chores I see as necessities. Like…showering is not a chore. Don’t even mention it. And other things I can’t think about. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    11324 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    We grocery shop together (usually). I do 100% of the cooking. Housework is probably 60/40 or 70/30 with me doing more. But I think it is really because I work at home so it’s just easier for me to unload the dishwasher or run the vacuum around because I am home all day. He is (almost) never cranky about me asking him to clean though and he occassionally does it on his own without being asked. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    179 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @squigglybaby: First, I don’t understand why the idea of hiring a professional offends you and curious why. 

    I don’t like the word “help” here because the word makes it to be your job not of both. If you live together, isn’t household a job for both? I also don’t understand that you don’t expect him to do a lot. Or, is there something missing? Such as, he works 70hours a week? If so, I think you two should hire professionals. Maybe not the entire part but just make it easy.

    I think you should tell him that you expect more from him. While I think it’s not great for him not to do his part, I wonder if he’s like me in the past. Until we started to date, I never cared about chores – I mostly dined out and I spent least amount of time at home to reduce the need of cleaning. He came to help but as I haven’t done much chores before and he was doing things that I’ve never done, I didn’t know how much he was helping and didn’t appreciate enough. Well, change of meal made me a lot healthier but I appreciated the result not his effort much. One day, he came to me and made it clear that while he’s happy to help me, he doesn’t want me to take his effort granted. And he expects me to do some comparable amount of work if we get married and live together. While he will continue to do his best to help me, he would expcet me to try a little harder. It was a shocking moment for me and now I’m really thankful that he told me. I love him so much and I never meant to take him granted. After that I’ve been trying a little more, appreciated his effort better and felt happier. He’s happy about my effort and appreciation too. Tell him how you feel. I think it’s not about exactly 50/50. To make 50/50 results, I need to spend much more time and effort at least yet. I think it’s matter of appreciation and effort. I belive he will do better when he hears from you and you’ll feel happier when you see his appreciation and effort.

    Post # 52
    Member
    447 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I do all the cooking, and keep the bedrooms and bathrooms orderly. He does dishes and cleaning in the main area of the house. We feel like we have a pretty even balance.

    Post # 53
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I do 100% of the cooking and like 90% of the cleaning (hate vaccuming, so Fiance sometimes does it for me).

    However, he’s a numbers guy and manages ALL of our finances and savings. I don’t have to worry about any of that, which is so nice. It works for us, as we have pretty traditional gender roles.

    Post # 54
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

    We are totally 50/50. SO does his own laundry and ironing and we alternate cooking so we each cook every other day and clean the flat (apartment) every other week (I am lucky I know!). If one of us is unwell or gonig through a stressful time at work etc then we usually just pick up for the other one and do a bit more to help the other out.

    SO does tend to do the majority of taking out the trash, but I do all of the grocery shopping and odd chores like picking up dry cleaning and stuff like that. We were both a bit older (me late 20s and he mid 30s) when we met so we were both used to living on our own and keeping our own households so it just came naturally for us to share the tasks.

    If you SO refused to help out more the I agree with PP that you need to sit down and have a conversation as this is not abotu having someone else come in an do it, it’s, in my opinion about respecting you when you ask for his help.

    Post # 55
    Member
    836 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I do most of the house stuff as I have severe ocd and his way would be wrong lol. He helps with cooking as we are great cooks. He does handle the outside stuff though. He has the most amazing green thumb that I have ever seen. Sometimes I would love to hire a maid but she wouldn’t do it right either. So my friends have dubbed me the ocd warrior haha.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1257 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    The housekeeper cleans and we go out to eat. We’re not very domestic. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    1257 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    double post

    Post # 58
    Member
    4753 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Since I’m looking for a partner, literally it is expected we both cook and clean. I do the bathrooms, and kitchen. He does the living room, den and bedroom. Whoever is home first, cooks. Whoever doesn’t cook, does dishes.

    Post # 59
    Member
    146 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Typically he cooks and I clean but he’s been working super long hours since he started his new job a couple weeks ago and doesn’t get home normally before 8:30 or around that time so I’ve been doing both. But right now I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom so I’m perfectly fine with that. Not to mention before his new job I was still a Stay-At-Home Mom and he was cooking, figure he deserves a break after his 12 hour days 5 days a week

    Post # 60
    Member
    960 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I picked “other” because I do the day to day cooking, dishes etc. and often take out the trash and I’m definitely the only one who scrubs the bathrooms and what not. He does the gardening since I didn’t really want a garden to begin with. But I mow the lawn..

     

    But he has his “kick” days. Where he will spend several hours doing a deep clean. Adittedly a lot of what piles up is his, but its great that he does this sometimes and it makes me feel less stressed and I’ve learned to not nag daily, knowing a kick-day is coming. He does this once every 3-4 weeks, but its enough to make me happy.

    Post # 61
    Member
    637 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    @theshannondee:  +1000. Housekeeper comes once a week, and I’m still learning how to cook. I guess we go out to eat 2-3 times a week and he cooks for me a lot. I try to cook for him at least once a week but that’s always a production.

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