Post # 1
Ok my grandma and I are disagreeing on this
She says that the Maid/Matron of Honor throws the bridal shower and since I am not having a bridal party, I do not get a bridal shower
I say that if there is no Maid/Matron of Honor it falls on the family of the bride, ie mother, sister, grandmother—to throw the shower
She says that’s just gift-grubbing
Am I wrong to be insulted that I’m not getting a shower? We’re having a destination wedding and my fiance’s sisters won’t be going so it seems like it would be nice to have a shower. Everyone in my immediate family is going so I think they feel left out
But it’s not as if I can throw my own, right? I would feel pathetic, and then I would REALLY be accused of gift-grubbing
Post # 3
My best friend is having a Destination Wedding with just her parents present(no bridal party) and I am throwing her a shower! 🙂
Post # 4
My Maid/Matron of Honor threw my shower, but if she hadn’t done it I think my Mother-In-Law would have thrown one. You should still get a shower, it’s just that you may have to wait for someone to offer :-/
Post # 5
Traditionally it would be the Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs, If your sisters/mothers want to throw you a shower I certainly would not stop them. If you have a really close friend who is attending the Destination Wedding they might consider throwing you one as well. I would certainly not throw one for your self though.
Post # 6
A lot a people on here think it is a big no-no for a family member to host the bridal showers. I have an aunt hosting mine. Personally, I wouldn’t be offended to go to a bridal shower thrown by the brides mother or grandmother. But it is rude to ask for one.
Post # 7
There are mixed feelings on the issue of family hosting bridal showers since it is a party all about gifts. Given that your grandmother’s view would indicate that it is frowned upon in your circles, it probably is inappropriate to ask a family member to host.
Post # 8
Well I didn’t ASK anyone to host exactly…she just made it clear that I shouldn’t expecty one since I have no bridal party
Personally I am feeling hurt that my family doesn’t want to throw me a bridal shower–I think that if there is no bridal party the family should throw the shower by default
It’s a family only affair so it would be weird for a friend to host a shower when they’re not attending the wedding
Also my family isn’t paying for the wedding–so it isn’t like it would kill them to put in a little effort
But I guess that means no bridal shower for me =/
I’m feeling kinda sorry for myself about it since I’ve been looking up bridal showers today
Post # 9
Traditionally where I’m from, the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridal Party throw the shower and split all related costs.
Now that many brides don’t want simple showers in someone’s home or a backyard event anymore, costs have gotten pretty high and many don’t seem to care if their Moms pay for it, tho (instead of their friends), throwing the old ‘no one in the immediate family is supposed to throw the bridal shower’ theory down the drain.
Anyone can have the shower for you (an Aunt, cousin, friend, co-worker), so even tho your Grandmother is ‘technically’ correct, it would seem to me that rather than you miss out, somebody would step up and offer. Maybe there’s even a surprise one in the works and she’s saying all this to throw you off!
You have plenty of time for a shower to be planned, so hang in there.
Post # 10
@ItWasntMe: Thanks but I doubt that’s the case–Although perhaps my twin sister will throw one for me
Post # 11
It’s my understanding that traditional etiquette dictates that your closest female relatives (mother and sister, etc.) do not throw the shower, so another good friend or family member would do it.
I’m lucky enough that a good friend has taken on this task for me since my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister.
Really, I don’t think anyone really cares who throws it, I mean no one will be whispering behind your back, “Can you BELIEVE her mom threw the shower?!” 🙂
Post # 12
That’s the thing, in my circle (Long Island) it is VERY common for the mother of the bride to throw the shower–or the sister–even when there is a Maid/Matron of Honor
Typically the bridal showers are catered affairs–or held at nice restaurants–and the budget is beyond what would be reasonably expected from a Maid/Matron of Honor
Not that I would want or expect anything like that
In fact my grandmother has attended quite a few bridal showers thrown by the bride’s mother–some of which were ‘thrown’ by the Maid/Matron of Honor but paid for by the mother of the bride–which is why I was shocked that she said this
In fact she threw my mother’s bridal shower and my aunt’s (her daughter in law) bridal shower
I think it might be because she doesn’t want to throw one, and knows for sure my mother won’t (we’re not close), so she wants to make it clear that I shouldn’t expect one so I’m not disappointed
Post # 13
@sylvia.riggle: Totally get it. I mean, there isn’t a whole lot that we still do according to “traditional etiquette.” My parents aren’t paying for the wedding, and my fiance’s parents aren’t paying for the honeymoon (we are paying for all of it). The nice thing is that someone, be it mom or sister or friend or co-worker, WANT to throw you a bridal shower. Lots of other Bees have posted on here stories of not having a shower at all. 🙁
Post # 14
Most people are willing to overlook the fact that a family member contributes financially to the event if there is a bridal party (or other community group or church) hostess. I know it sounds silly to make that distinction, but the fact is that guests aren’t ever likely to actually find out who paid for what behind the scenes at the party. They will, however, see the invitation which will be extended by the hostess.
If you’re only hosting family at the wedding, then that’s the circle you have to look to for social norms for an event that, by etiquette standards, is only limited to people invited to the wedding. It would seem that your grandmother is giving you a heads up on what family expectations are, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up in that case.
I understand wanting a shower, the party aspect, and the gifts, but it is one of the down sides to planning a destination wedding. Your invited guest list will likely be smaller, your guests will already be out quite a bit of money to get to the event, and it means many brides who do it have to miss out on some traditions that were initially designed for women who married young, close to home, and didn’t have household goods for themselves yet.
Post # 15
@LibertyBelle: Well no one really HAS to go to a destination wedding…..if they find that it outside of their budget they are in no way obligated to attend…..
I don’t know what ‘family expectations’ are…I only know what my grandmothers opinion is–I have no reason to believe she is more clued in on the ‘family expectations’ of my siblings than I am–We just both know that my mother is an unlikely candidate for throwing me a bridal shower
Those that cannot afford to go are not going….as for my family they go to Maui quite frequently–this will be their 6th time in 8 years–you seem to be making a lot of assumptions about how much money our guests will be ‘out’…especially since we’re paying for a couple of them on my fiance’s side
I don’t give a damn about the gifts…I don’t really want/need anything–it’s just the fact that it would be fun to have some sort of party for the female guests to celebrate–especially since my fiance’s sisters and mother have not met my family and will probably not be able to attend the wedding….and we’re marrying on our 5 year anniversary
Idk if you meant it that way, but you came off a tad rude—much like my grandmother you seem to assume that I’m looking for a ton of gifts, pretty much ignoring the social and bonding aspect of the whole thing. It’s like it all comes down to dollars and cents
Post # 16
Anyone apart from the bride and groom may throw the shower.
In some circles it is still frowned upon for the MOB to host a shower, but that dates back to when women lived at home until marriage. In that case, the parents could not host the shower because it was seen as gift grabby. Now that most of us live independently before marriage, that has gone by the wayside (for the most part.)