(Closed) Who throws Bridal Shower?

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My best friend is having a Destination Wedding with just her parents present(no bridal party) and I am throwing her a shower! 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My Maid/Matron of Honor threw my shower, but if she hadn’t done it I think my Mother-In-Law would have thrown one. You should still get a shower, it’s just that you may have to wait for someone to offer :-/

Post # 5
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Traditionally it would be the Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs, If your sisters/mothers want to throw you a shower I certainly would not stop them. If you have a really close friend who is attending the Destination Wedding they might consider throwing you one as well. I would certainly not throw one for your self though.

Post # 6
Member
4676 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

A lot a people on here think it is a big no-no for a family member to host the bridal showers.  I have an aunt hosting mine. Personally, I wouldn’t be offended to go to a bridal shower thrown by the brides mother or grandmother.  But it is rude to ask for one.  

Post # 7
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

There are mixed feelings on the issue of family hosting bridal showers since it is a party all about gifts. Given that your grandmother’s view would indicate that it is frowned upon in your circles, it probably is inappropriate to ask a family member to host.

Post # 9
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Traditionally where I’m from, the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridal Party throw the shower and split all related costs.

 Now that many brides don’t want simple showers in someone’s home or a backyard event anymore, costs have gotten pretty high and many don’t seem to care if their Moms pay for it, tho (instead of their friends), throwing the old ‘no one in the immediate family is supposed to throw the bridal shower’ theory down the drain.

Anyone can have the shower for you (an Aunt, cousin, friend, co-worker), so even tho your Grandmother is ‘technically’ correct, it would seem to me that rather than you miss out, somebody would step up and offer. Maybe there’s even a surprise one in the works and she’s saying all this to throw you off!

You have plenty of time for a shower to be planned, so hang in there.

Post # 11
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It’s my understanding that traditional etiquette dictates that your closest female relatives (mother and sister, etc.) do not throw the shower, so another good friend or family member would do it.

I’m lucky enough that a good friend has taken on this task for me since my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister.

Really, I don’t think anyone really cares who throws it, I mean no one will be whispering behind your back, “Can you BELIEVE her mom threw the shower?!”  🙂  

Post # 13
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@sylvia.riggle:  Totally get it.  I mean, there isn’t a whole lot that we still do according to “traditional etiquette.”  My parents aren’t paying for the wedding, and my fiance’s parents aren’t paying for the honeymoon (we are paying for all of it).  The nice thing is that someone, be it mom or sister or friend or co-worker, WANT to throw you a bridal shower.  Lots of other Bees have posted on here stories of not having a shower at all.  🙁

Post # 14
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

Most people are willing to overlook the fact that a family member contributes financially to the event if there is a bridal party (or other community group or church) hostess. I know it sounds silly to make that distinction, but the fact is that guests aren’t ever likely to actually find out who paid for what behind the scenes at the party. They will, however, see the invitation which will be extended by the hostess.

If you’re only hosting family at the wedding, then that’s the circle you have to look to for social norms for an event that, by etiquette standards, is only limited to people invited to the wedding. It would seem that your grandmother is giving you a heads up on what family expectations are, so I wouldn’t get my hopes up in that case.

I understand wanting a shower, the party aspect, and the gifts, but it is one of the down sides to planning a destination wedding. Your invited guest list will likely be smaller, your guests will already be out quite a bit of money to get to the event, and it means many brides who do it have to miss out on some traditions that were initially designed for women who married young, close to home, and didn’t have household goods for themselves yet.

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Anyone apart from the bride and groom may throw the shower.

In some circles it is still frowned upon for the MOB to host a shower, but that dates back to when women lived at home until marriage.  In that case, the parents could not host the shower because it was seen as gift grabby.  Now that most of us live independently before marriage, that has gone by the wayside (for the most part.)

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