(Closed) Who to call first?!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

He proposed his parents knew he was going to so they were waiting for us to come over after he proposed. but this is the order

1. we drove to my parents house and told them

2. we drove to his parents house and showed them

3. we called his siblings (but they knew)

4. called my sister

5. called friends

6. then my mom wanted to share the happy news with the extended family which was fine by me she was so excited

Post # 4
1363 posts
Bumble bee

Whoever you are closest to is appropriate?

Post # 5
3448 posts
Sugar bee

  1. your parents
  2. his parents
  3. siblings
  4. grandparents
  5. aunts/uncles
  6. cousins
  7. who you want to be Maid/Matron of Honor
  8. who he wants to be Bridesmaid or Best Man
  9. the rest of your bridal party
  10. facebook

Post # 6
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We were already heading to see my parents when he proposed so we told my parents first, then my siblings as they were at home. We had dinner with his mom, step-dad, brother, and sister that night. I don’t actually remember when we told his dad, although, all the parents knew it was coming soon.

After those we our texted/called grandparents, and then my mom pretty much took to facebook and it was over from there.

Oh, and we told my best friend pretty much right away. She also knew it was coming so as soon as he proposed I called and told her πŸ™‚

Post # 7
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My order:


1) My mom and brother

2) My cousin (she’s MOH)

3) My closest friends

4) Facebook


FI’s family already knew he would be popping the question that day.

Post # 8
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We got engaged on a Sunday night so first we called:

1) My parents + youngest sister (she was at their house)

2) Great Aunt (she’s been ‘grandma’ to me and my sisters since my grandmother passed away when we were really young.)

3) My middle sister called me (My dad called and spilled the beans to her while I was talking to my Great Aunt.  Which this ended up being a funnier way for her to find out)

4) His brother and sister in-law

5) Texted my best friends (they knew it was coming)

6) Called his mom the next morning since she lives on the East Coast and it was really late there on Sunday.

7) Out of state friends and the rest of the local friends/extended family that we wanted to tell in person

8) Email to extended family and friends

9) Facebook official

Post # 9
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I’m not sure what etiquette dictates. I actually didn’t have to worry about the order of calling. I got both my parents on the phone and within 20 minutes of telling them the news my mom had informed pretty much everyone I knew and those people called ME to congratulate us. It worked out since we were on vacation so my mom did the work for us lol.

Post # 10
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We were away visiting his sister with his family when we got engaged.  It was just the two of us at the time.  My dad already knew, because he had talked to him weeks prior about it. I called my two best friends first, who then spread it around the rest of our friends.  Then I called my mom.  I let my mom tell my brother and the rest of my side.  I will add, my phone died while I was talking to my mom, so that pretty much ended the phone calls for a while, lol.  We were on our way to hang out with his family anyway, so we told them all at the same time.  After that, I didn’t bother calling, texting anyone else, I figured the news would spread, which it did.

Post # 11
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My order:
1. My parents
2. His parents
3. My sister
4. Grandparents
5. Aunt/Uncle
6. 3 closest friends
7. His sister in person
8. text a few other friends
9. facebook official πŸ˜‰

Post # 12
1867 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My mom knew he was going to propose that night, so we went to visit her after he asked.  Then we stopped by his mom’s house.  She had no idea he was planning to ask that night, so she was pretty shocked!  I called one of my best friends, and then the next day I went to see my dad and then announced it to everyone else by texting/calling people.

Post # 13
21 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

We did… 

1. My mom

2. His parents

3. Text or phone call to close friends and family

4. Facebook <—  haha, but seriously, nothing is official until its on the book. 

Post # 14
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have totally googled this ;)…and the number one thing that I keep seeing is:

…to not immediately rush to tell everyone right away! I read, have heard, and can imagine that the time right after getting engaged is very intimate/exciting/personal, etc. with your new fiance. It’s like the calm before the storm, or the lovey-dovey intimate moment before all the excitement and bussle of the phone calls, details, etc.

With that said, there is apparently an order that etiquette books might tell us to follow (who knew?). Of course I can’t remember 100%, but I’m pretty sure it’s something like this:

1. Bride’s parents

2. Groom’s parents

3. All siblings, family members, etc., even if you haven’t spoken to some of them for a while or aren’t quite as close.

4. Best friends so you can gush the deets

5. Good friends, distant friends

6. Acquaintances/friends/public- at work, on Facebook, through text messages, newspaper announcement, on the Times Square poster thing (He FINALLY proposed New York!!!!!) πŸ˜‰

And then, apparently, if the parents haven’t met yet, it is customary for the bride’s parents to have the groom’s parents over for dinner, etc. shortly after the engagement.

I thought he was going to propose when my family was living in another state, and so after enjoying a good amount of time with just our little “secret,” I had originally planned to gather my parents and 3 siblings to the computer for a Skype session with a surprise πŸ™‚ Now that my entire family has moved back, and I am still waiting to be engaged, I’m not sure how I/we will tell my/our parents and siblings yet. But I think I will afterwards call my grandma (SO calls her the “matriarch” hehe) to pass on the news to all my many aunts/uncles/cousins on my dad’s side and then my one aunt and probably my 3 cousins on my mom’s side. This all depends on the time difference and being able to catch everyone (my whole family except immediate lives in Australia). I then plan to nonchalantly gather my besties and my “regular gang” of girls to go out for dinner, where I will surprise them all at once with my announcement πŸ™‚ If any of them can’t attend the “dinner,” I will call them personally beforehand to share the news. I’m sure my SO will call his close buddies, let them know he has officially attached the ball and chain, and then go to the pub.

I think my cousin actually told her parents, sister, and our grandma first, and that same day she put a simple FB message: Can’t answer the phone right now because I am engaged!!

PS I wouldn’t promise any bridal party decisions to anyone at first because there is too much craziness! A month before a friend of mine got engaged, she was telling us 5 girls who her BMs would be, with me included. You can imagine how crushed I was when I later found out that I wouldn’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man (did she forget?)..

Post # 15
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We apparently didn’t do this right and his family is still pissed/does not acknowledge our engagement. They were not happy that he waited to call…so all I’m going to say is, make sure you call everyone!

View original reply
@shinythingsrule: ugh omg this happened to me, too. Was friends with a couple for 4 years, they always told me I would be in their wedding. Helped with the proposal/picking her ring and everything. Then one day a random old friend called me and said “friend picked her bridal party!!” and listed everyone’s names…mine not included. Long story short…since the bride chose not to tell me that I wasn’t in their wedding and the groom acted as if I should get over it (and still expected me to be there/buy them a gift), I wound up not going to the wedding. You don’t promise someone that for 4 years and then choose that way to handle it. She could have said she didnt’ want me in it and it would have been fine. I was beyond crushed. This is why I never promised bridal party spots to people and I only have a Maid/Matron of Honor, noone else. I feel like feelings ALWAYS get hurt! Maybe I was a little extreme, but I was really hurt.

Post # 16
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We called our parents together, then our Maid/Matron of Honor. We texted everyone else the next day because we didn’t want to spend our entire night calling around.

Everyone loved the texts and we got some funny responses.

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