(Closed) Who to invite from work????

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

#1

Unless you hang out with your bosses out of work, leave them out. 

Post # 4
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I would agree with Niki.  Your wedding is not a work function – you have no obligation to invite people from work unless you also socialize with them on a regular basis outside of work.  I would not only leave out the bosses (again, unless you socialize with them regularly at non-work-related functions), I would also leave out any co-workers who are not your friends outside of work.  That way its pretty clear what your basis was for inviting or not inviting, and nobody’s feelings have to be hurt.

Post # 6
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’d say don’t invite him. You said he’s oblivious, but he probably has some realization that the two of you are not close. That’s not the same thing as admitting hatred of him. If you don’t think the other bosses will even be able to attend and they have manners enough not to talk about it at work, there’s a good chance he won’t know that others were invited but not him.

Post # 7
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I vote #3.  Yes, it may seem awkward but ultimately your wedding is an event where you want to be surrounded by people that care about you.  One of the bigwigs at my company kept angling for an invite.  But the fact of the matter is…she wasn’t my friend or part of my social circle.  I didn’t invite her.  It didn’t impact my work and she eventually accepted the fact that she wasn’t invited (when no invites came in the mail).

Post # 8
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Do you also socialize outside work with boss #4?  If no, then I would say you could exclude him.  Just make sure you don’t just give out invitations at work, but get people’s addresses and send it privately to their home. 

I think this is just the same situation as to what would you do if you had a group of friends you hung out with, but you didn’t like one of them.
 

But ultimately, I keep hearing stories about people being really unhappy because some they disliked showed up and offended people, etc.  So I guess that’s why we’re all leaning away from inviting someone you don’t like.

 

Post # 9
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

I agree with cyshas.  Invite those you socialize with outside of work but do not invite the boss you dislike.  Be sure to send the invitations to guests homes and do not give them out at work.  If your other 3 bosses are aware of the issues the employees have with the othere partner then they will be polite enough not to say anything.  If they cannot attend anyway then they will just RSVP no and probably not bring it up.  If you hear through the grapevine that your 4th boss was insulted you can always send another invite.

Post # 10
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

So what do you guys think?

#1) Don’t invite any of the bosses and possibly insult the 3 bosses I’m close to?

#2) Invite all bosses and risk boss #4 attending?

#3) Invite 3 bosses and not invite boss #4, thereby possibly insulting him?

do you think it’s going to somehow affect your working relationship if you dont invite them?

im inviting my team – but not my bosses – b/c well, i dont care for either of them – none of us do – and having them there would just not make me happy or enrich my day in any way. i dont feel that just b/c they are higher up on the org chart that i should – but my sitch is differnt from yours b/c you have a good relationship with 3 out of the 4.

my rule for work is this: if i am ok with picking up the tab when we grab happy hour and dinner – then im cool with inviting them to wedding if i am not feelin it – im not inviting you to one of the most important days of my life – regardless of where they sit on the organizational chart. i know i wouldnt be invited to any of their personal functions, so why am i stressing over mine? i am paid to work, not make friends…

i’d just not invite any of them if it were me…

i know i’m no help as far as advice – but just givin you my pov.. Good Luck!

Post # 11
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I personally would invite all the bosses.  But I’m inviting my whole office – I have about 22 people in the office but I’ve been here for 6 years.  That’s 44 people on the guest list which has definitely been a stretch.  But when my dad died about 12 of them came to the funeral – and others sent cards. I buy into that we are a close office and we have happy hours etc outside of work.  There are a couple that don’t come, but I don’t want to exclude them and deal with bad juju.  My bosses aren’t really on the possible exclusion list – they’ve picked up happy hour tabs for years I don’t begrudge them a meal. 

Don’t know how long you’ve been there – what your career aspirations are – but if you’re inviting 3 of the 4 your asking for trouble by leaving the 4th out.  Esp if the 4th is involved with your paycheck.

Post # 12
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

#3 and just tell the other bosses to keep it on the DL in front of boss #4.

Post # 13
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

This is why its easier to go all or none with work…

Maybe ask yourself this:  Is the wedding soooo small that you will really notice him anyway?  If you’re having over 100, probably not.

Is there any chance that you can reasonably justify not inviting him if (when) he finds out everyone else is going?  Because you know he will.  He will overhear it, or somebody who sort of has it in for you will tell him on purpose.  Office politics suck.

Anyway, you just sort of have to weigh the risk/benefit.  We actually have a couple of people on our guest list who I would rather not have there… but realistically, I can stress about it and convince myself that it matters, or ignore it and feel sure that with 130 other guests I will probably spend no more than seconds with them.

Post # 14
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

This is alittle different as I am the mom of the bride (also holding the purse strings haha) but I put my small office of 8 on the B list. And if theres a spot for them so be it. If not they certainly would be the first to understand I only make so much money and can only afford so much… I would bet your boss #4 would probably decline the invite anyway because who wants to attend a wedding of someone they don’t "know"

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