(Closed) Who to invite if your FI was in a fraternity?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My guy invited his pledge class and a handful of close fraternity brothers. CLOSE. There were…7 fraternity brothers and their wives at our wedding. I had 10 sorority sisters and their 30’s. Total, we had about 31 people, or 3 tables.

Long sotry short, the guys don’t seem to really care as much. And they drink a lot more =]. My guy is really close to his pledge brothers, and there are only 5 of them, so that makes a difference. 3 were in his wedding. Trust me, guys understand a LOT more than the women =]

Post # 4
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

my husband was a TKE.  He still keeps very close with a bunch of guys, mostly from his pledge class, a few were older.  We invited only the ones he talks to hand hangs out with.  There is really no need to invite the entire house.  There were probably about 8 brothers at the wedding.  2 brought wives, the ones that werent married came alone even though they were invited with guests.

Post # 5
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I know exactly the predicament you are facing.  My fiance was in a fraternity and I was in a sorority in college.  If I wanted to keep from offending any of my sorority sisters, I would have to invite at least 30 people.  I plan to invite 3.  I think that 125 people is small enough to claim you are having a small wedding with your closest.  You can also be concerned about turning your wedding into a frat reunion.  I think these are important things to consider, and you should encourage your fiance to limit the list to those people he really cares to see, and not worry about the hurt feelings, because that part is unavoidable. 

I also agree with ejs4y8 that guys don’t seem to care as much as girls, so again, don’t worry too much about hurt feelings in your decision.

Post # 6
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

We’re both Greek and we only invited those that we actually still talk to and hang out with.  Ended up to be about 10-12 on both sides.

Post # 7
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We’ve been having a major problem with this. Fiance was in a frat and has a lot of brothers that he knows but isn’t super close with, if he had it his way he’d probably invite his frat over his family (he’s closer to a few of them than some of his family members). We’re over the mark for invites, we’re aiming for 125 to attend, but have invited 150. He ended up just inviting those frat brothers that he talks to or goes out with regularly, which I think ended up being about 10 people total with wives and girlfriends. We haven’t had many people ask about it yet but I know there will probably be a few that will be disappointed, hopefully they understand that it’s a smaller wedding.

Post # 8
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I was just thinking the same thing! I was in a sorority in college and it would be nice to invite my pledge class but we are having a very small wedding (also I wasn’t that close with them after pledging as I was a year a head of them in school) so I will most likely invite one pledge sister and my big (who is my MOH) and there are two others I’m considering as they are really my closest in the house.

I agree with everyone else. Guys really don’t care as much and they will understand. Just invite those he was closest with or is still in contact with.

Post # 9
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband was in a fraternity and I was in a sorority.  I didn’t invite any of those girls b/c we just aren’t close anymore.

Our main group of friends are his fraternity brothers and their GFs/fiances.  These are the people that we hang out with every weekend, we go on trips together and we all own houses/condos in the same neighborhood.  They were all invited.  One of them is my husbands “big” and he was a Groomsmen.  All the the guys in his pledge class were on our wish list of people to invite along with some other guys that we see from time to time.  Most of them got cut though b/c we didn’t have room.  It had to come down to: “when did I see this person last?” “When did he last call me to hang out?” etc. 

It was difficult at first but we got over it.  Now it can be a bit awkward when we see people.  I really think that at our age, girls are more understanding about this stuff b/c most unmarried girls have a clue about what goes into a wedding whereas most unmarried guys are like “whats one more person?”

Post # 11
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

My Fiance is only inviting the guys he still keeps in touch with, for him it’s easier because he’s been out of college for like 15 years. He’s inviting around 5 brothers & their wives

I say if your Fiance hasn’t talked to the guys in more than a year (or 6 months or whatever) then they don’t get an invite. You need to find some sort of blanket rule so you don’t offend anyone 🙂

Post # 12
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

LOL… 125 is smaller than my sorority was. I was in a pledge class of 54!

As long as you’re somewhat removed from college, it’s obvious who your true friends are. You’re not going to be besties with them all.

I had a sorority sister a year below me who invited her whole pledge class- but just to the ceremony. It was because she was married in Duke chapel and didn’t want it empty! LOL

Guys are DEFINITELY not as aware- and don’t care as much- as girls.

Post # 13
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We were both Greek and graduated in 07. We are both inviting our closest friends—basically the people who mean the most to us and that we have stayed in touch with since graduation.

Fiance is a big part of his local chapter alum group, so we are inviting some older brothers as well because we are close with them although they were not actives when we were in college.

Post # 14
Hostess
4704 posts
Honey bee

Oh man. We haven’t gotten to this point in our planning yet, but when we do, I’m NOT looking foward to it. Fiance is a TKE and is good friends w/ 85% of the brother’s we went to school with and some of the older ones. Going to TKE functions I’ve become close with quite a few of them too. I don’t know what we’ll do.

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