(Closed) Who to invite to the shower?

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
13707 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should be inviting all the ladies you are inviting to the shower.  Maybe you could send the invitations, and follow up with an email saying you know the huge imposition/time/cost that it is for the long drive for a short party and do understand not being able to make it, but how excited you are to see them for your wedding?  I’m not sure if that’s weird or not, but I think it makes people feel less obligated to go and deal with the logistical issues. 

I’m in sort of a sticky situation like you (all my family is from MA, where the shower will be…I live in VA, and FI’s family lives in FL) – so I’m curious to see other responses to this as well!

Post # 4
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@abbie017:  I agree that I would invite people (family and close friends) who lived out of town to my shower. I like the idea of including a note that says you understand if they can’t make it, but want them to feel included in the festivities. People may surprise you and be willing to travel.

Post # 5
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Don’t include any notes.  People know that you want them to feel included when they receive the invitation.  If they mention the travel, THEN you should be understanding of thier situation.  But including a note can seem like a backhanded way of telling them not to come.

My shower will be in MA (northeastern), my family will be coming from central CT and my FI’s family from CT, NY, and possibly MD.  People will travel, and maybe the OOT-ers will make a weekend out of it.

Post # 6
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I invited every single female who I will invite to the wedding. My BMs asked if I wanted two showers, one for Fiance family side and one for mine. I said heck no! No need to go through it all twice. So we decided on a Sunday, and invitations are in the mail!

My aunt (who is a co-host) is coming all the way from TX for the shower! She is an exception, and I don’t have very many (maybe 5 tops) ladies who are more than 3 hours away. I know all FI’s aunts and cousins will be coming 2+ hours away from PA. If they really want to come, they’ll suck it up and drive. Personally I don’t think 3 hours is that big. I would just make sure to have it on a weekend, and not on a holiday to give people the most chance in coming!


Good luck!

Post # 7
184 posts
Blushing bee


My daughter had a pretty large bridal tea and large wedding.

We did not anyone who lived more than ~2 hours away (except a couple of the MOG’s family that she insisted get an invite).  

We did not want to burden them with traveling that far for a sunday afternoon tea and we did not want to add costs to the hostesses for invitations and postage for people who would probably not come that far anyway.  They already had a list of over 250 people.  


For a smaller shower—it would depend on the people and I would probably make an individual decision on who may or may not make that trip—some of your extremely close relatives might come—some of your cousins or other people you love, but don’t communicate with often might not.


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