(Closed) Who to invite…please help!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Only the ones that you are closest to, is what I say.

Post # 5
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with PrncssDva–invite who you are close with.  Just because your mom forwarded the pic to everyone doesn’t mean they are invited.  Yes, it would be nice, yes, it would be expensive and no, you don’t have to invite them.  With a family that large (goodness!) I would hope your mom could help spread the word it’ll be an intimate wedding with a small guest list or something like that.  Do you think she could do that and also tell her to not send anymore pics 😉

Post # 6
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

oh, mothers!!! mine wanted to shout it from rooftops when I got engaged…lol In her excitement, she also talked about the wedding to her co-workers, so now they are on my list. To be fair I do know them and we do socialize with them from time to time. So I’m okay with them coming. I do have some relatives that are not invited because I haven’t seen them in forever. I figure if I haven’t spoken to or seen them in the last 6 mos, then I’m not obligated to invite them. So I don’t think you are either…try to keep your mom from forwarding any more emails..lol Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2010

We had a similar problem- both having large Catholic families and have many friends and long valued family friends. We were also students most of the time of saving for our wedding. As a way to get around this we discussed it with many of our friends and family that were not on our initial list, they were generally all very understanding! We also had a church ceremony which meant anyone local could come to witness that- and then from 930pm at our reception other friends were welcome to come and join us for a dance and drink to celebrate with us. This helped us keep the actual numbers at the reception to 100 but still allowed other friends/ family members to be involved if they wanted to. The other thing we did was have an A and B list for invitations- so all the A list ones went out we knew there would be some declines. Then once our initial RSVP date had passed and we had numbers we sent out more invitations to those on our B list so we were back up to 100 guests. All those onthe B list had been spoken to and were more than understanding and very excited to be able to come to the wedding. So it all worked out well in the end. I guess you just need to be confident to explain your reasons why you cant have them and ask for understanding. Hope this helps 🙂

Post # 8
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It’s your (plural you & FI) money, you invite who you want.  Like you, Fiance & I are paying for our wedding (60 guests + 7 kids) & can’t afford for my mom’s 7 sibs + spouses or dad’s 5 sibs/half-sibs + spouses to come; & we haven’t even started with my cousins (kids of these sibs)…most of whom I saw every year at the holidays, if not more often.  Our solution: we asked our parents who were the 4 most important people they each wanted to be invited (total 16) & then made sure to invite these people.  Also, we purposely DID NOT tell them who we were going to invite anyway…so they had no idea if we were including grandparents or a few of their sibs anyway.  This kept the invite number down.  It also put the onus on the parents…if one of their sibs asked why they weren’t invited, our parents knew that, backhandedly, they themselves had a hand in choosing who would be invited, & thus why certain people were left off.  This meant that our parents would have to come up with a story/reason for the omission, not us. 

Maybe you could have a sit down with your parents (& Fiance with his) about this situation & let them know to keep things a bit on the DL until all of you have decided who is invited.  Then start the invite list conversation by asking each parent who they would like to invite if they each could invite X number of people.  Then go back to Fiance, each of you armed with your parents list of guests, & you run them by each other before letting each set of parents know who’s invited (& therefore who your Mom can feel okay to blab & brag to).  Good luck!

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