Post # 1
As per the title, I’m trying to figure out who we are supposed to spend Mother’s Day with. My husband and I got married last September. We have traded off major holidays every year (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter), but spent the holidays like Mother’s Day/Father’s Day with our respective families. Frankly, I’m tired of splitting up.
In addition, my parents recently decided to move 3+ hours away from where my sister and I live. My dad is insisting on having dinner at a midway point which wouldn’t get me home until at least 10 pm, on finals week, and I have to work 9am – 4pm and then go to class from 4pm – 10pm the next day. FI’s mom on the other hand, lives 40 minutes away. I don’t know what to do and I really resent my dad for not listening and trying to be flexible (I’ve expressed my concerns about dinner). I work full time (and then some) and go to school full time and am completely worn down and just don’t know what to do. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Post # 2
Why don’t you both stay together and spend mothers day with one mom, and then celebrate with the other on a different day.
Post # 3
I think a good thing is to switch off year to year for this. So one year his mom, one your your mom, and maybe alternate the father’s days the other way. So you know, his mom your dad one year, your mom his dad the next year? And making a date with the mom you won’t see a fews after or before?
With my mom it’s kind of easy because her birthday is within a week of Mother’s Day so if I am with SO’s mom on Mother’s Day I just make sure to be with my mom on her birthday, and she is nice about that, understands that SO’s mom is a mom too and thinks it’s nice I make an effort to see her, etc.
Post # 4
Can you have dinner with your parents on Saturday? That’s what my DH and I usually do on holidays, spend the day before with one family and the day of with another. Sometimes we even have both families to our place, but you’d have to have the room to do so.
Post # 5
DH and I always split up for mother’s and father’s day. My dad and I always go fishing on father’s day and my mom and I always do brunch on mother’s day. I prefer it because I don’t often get alone time with them. Once we have kids, this will change!
I think alternating years would be a good solution for you. Or just not celebrating ON the holiday, sometime that week.
Post # 6
Everyone is different. My DH usually spends fathers day with his dad and i spend it with mine. We usually try to see both moms on mothers day. It depends on the parents too. DH’s mom would hold a grudge if we didn’t make sure we saw her on mothers day, my mom doesn’t give two farts if i see her on the exact day.
Post # 7
My parents are the ones that live 2 hours away, so I usually left to spend mother’s day with my mom, who has since passed away. Obviously now I make sure I spend it with my Mother-In-Law since she lives close (20-30 mins away) and she’s really the only mom I have. I never minded splitting up much, I also figured it was nice 1 on 1 time with my mom and DH with his mom and the same with our dads. I also see his family much more often than mine so it made sense to me to take some time to spend with my parents.
If you’re going to try to split the day between families and make sure that you both go to each, you’re going to have to get together with your side in the future (since they live the furthest) and perhaps bring the plans to them ahead of time, that way it works with your schedule. You need to let your dad know your intentions to see both or to work around your school/work schedule and so he needs to be able to compromise. I’m not sure what to tell you about this year, although you certainly have time to change plans if your dad will change his mind, but I think going forward you should tell him what you’re willing/able to do.
Post # 8
Can you invite both ladies over to your place? We may split for now (although this year we’ll be coming back from our honeymoon on Mother’s Day) but once we have kids, we will of course want to celebrate being parents as well as having them, lol.
ETA: our problem is that his bday is May and mine is June, so sometimes celebrations are lumped.
Post # 9
Honestly – I don’t think you actually need to spend these days with either.
I think you need to awknowledge the day but I don’t think you need to go out of your way to see your mothers.
Maybe I’m a jerk, but I just don’t think you have to (if they lived down the street it would be a little different).
First time i went to visit DH’s family was mothers day weekend 10 years ago this year (wow..) we had to go out for breakfast with his mom’s family (which was an ordeal) then we had to go back out for an early dinner with his dad’s family (which was odd seeing as both his parents had passed away already). It was just so much running around. The kicker – we went to the same restaurant both times. They now live a 2hr flight away so we don’t have to deal with it.
Post # 10
It sounds like the fact dinner will be late is the problem, can you have lunch with your mum at the half way point instead?
Post # 11
We normally spend Mother’s and Father’s days with my parents, as they live a 15 min walk away and my husband’s mum lives a 2½ hour flight away (his dad passed away before we got married). We could technically try to spend Mother’s day with both our mums, as Mother’s day in the UK is on a different day than it is here in Finland.