Who to support?

posted 1 month ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

Have you actually told your sister that this seems unnecessarily adversarial and is causing a lot of dischoed, over someone who is not actually a ‘kid’, that makes you feel personally uncomfortable? Or have you simply asked her why she hasn’t invited the niece? 

Post # 17
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’d go to the wedding, but I’d let the bride know that I thought her decision to not invite her niece was unkind and I’d tell her that I didn’t buy her “no kids” excuse. 

Post # 18
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

That is incredibly strange. I too would call out your sister and ask why niece isn’t invited. 

Post # 19
Member
7399 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d tap out of this one. Your sisters need to sort this out on their own, without you as the go-between.

Post # 20
Member
539 posts
Busy bee

Your sisters and your niece are adults, it’s between them. Leave them to work it out or not. Don’t get dragged into someone else’s mess.

Post # 21
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

kmjkh :  While what the sister did was shitty considering her reasoning was based on the fact that she wanted no children and obviously her niece isn’t a child but when I hear close family i think parents/your children/and siblings. Cousins/aunts/uncles/nieces/nephews are extended family and I read about lots of posters on the bee who invite immediate family and have to leave out extended family for maybe budget reasons or may be the extended families on both the bride and groom’s size is huge and they want room for more close friends. But yeah the sister’s reasoning doesn’t make any sense in this case.

Post # 22
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

Their relationship is none of your business. Do not get involved. It isn’t helpful and it isn’t appropriate. They are two grown adults who should work out their relationship on their own. I’m sure you would want that same respect regarding your relationship with your sibling. Flying monkeys is the term for family members getting involved in other family members relationship drama. Don’t be a FM. 

Post # 23
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Will it damage the relationship with your sister/niece if you attend when they were slighted? Who are you closest to? I’d honestly make my decision on who to support based on who I was closer to. If I were really close to my sister/niece and it would hurt their feelings if I went, I probably wouldn’t. And vice versa. 

Post # 24
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Don’t get involved!!!! There is something more to the story. Clearly your niece isn’t a child she is an adult. But what ever the reason is behind it, stay neutral. If you pick a side and support that side and for some odd reason they work it out someone will be upset with you for choosing the other sister. Stay out of it. It’s your sister’s wedding and her choice. Worry about your wedding when the time comes.

Post # 25
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY

Man I’m with the PPs on not getting involved but I’m so curious about what special type of jerk your sister is to not invite a 21-year-old niece to her wedding. 

Post # 26
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I don’t get the idea that attending a wedding and reception is “supporting” anyone. You are invited, you go or don’t go. I don’t see the ‘who do I agree with most’ thing at all. My niece is getting married in October. She voted for Trump, I didn’t, but I am still going to the wedding. 

Your 2 sisters probably have a itch going on, which they haven’t told you about, because you don’t know why. Of course calling a 21 year old a child is stupid. So that isn’t it. They aren’t asking you to chime in, so stay out of it. 

Go to the wedding or don’t, as you wish. It shouldn’t be about choosing sides.

Post # 28
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

ashleymarieforreal :  I don’t think you really needed our opinions, because you are going to involve yourself in the matter, when most of us told you to stay out of it. 

But you should do what it best for you, anyway.

Post # 29
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s stupid to boycott your sister’s wedding just because she decided not to invite her niece. She’s not obligated to invite anyone. It’s not your wedding; you don’t get to dictate the guest list. Why do you feel the need to punish your sister for making her own decisions about her wedding? I’m sure you wouldn’t want people boycotting your wedding to show support for the people you didn’t invite. What do you hope to accomplish by doing that? Your niece still wouldn’t be invited, and you’d ruin your relationship with your other sister.

Maybe your sister has a good reason for not inviting her niece, and maybe that reason is none of your business. In any case, your sister and her fiance have the right to plan their wedding their way, and it’s totally unfair to punish them for doing that.

Post # 30
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee

I’m surprised so many people are telling you not to talk to your bride-sister about it. I guess it depends on your relationship with your sisters, but in my family it would be weird NOT to talk about it. It gives her a chance to explain herself if there’s a reasonable explanation. 

What you shouldn’t do is leave it up to your slighted-sister whether or not you attend if you haven’t talked to bride-sister about it. 

I would still go to the wedding, but I’d also let your sister know that you understand your other sister’s choice not to attend (unless she has a really good reason). 

 

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