(Closed) Who wants a wedding anyway?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

*HUGS* Sorry you’re going through this.  Sometimes families that are well off can’t understand what it’s like to be without.  This happened to my Fiance and I too.  My family is very comfortable, while his family is more lower middle class.  It doesn’t mean his parents are bad people, just that they didn’t have high paying jobs (teacher and ret navy).

I had to defend my Fiance and his family, A LOT.  I think the most important thing in this is to make your SO understand where you’re coming from and the financial situation of your family.  Hopefully, your Future In-Laws will understand that it isn’t how much money your family has, but how financially secure/stable you two are as a couple that is the most important thing for your financial future.  Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LadySmurph:  A word of advice, don’t let his parents control your finances – that way lies only discord. Pay for your own house and your own wedding, don’t let them ‘chip in’.

Post # 6
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

The bigger issue here is about him defending you. You deserve a guy who does not throw you under the bus anytime his parents do not agree with your point of view. I’m also certain if he’s able to see your perspective and stand his ground when discussing the issue with his parents, they will come around. But until then, if he keeps agreeing with them and you aren’t able to broach the topic directly with them, without him being involved, then they will continue. Your fiance needs to man up. You and your future children will be HIS family now and he needs to cut the apron strings.

((((HUGS)))). This is a communication issue between you and him above everything else, and hopefully you two will work through it and get over this obstacle in your relationship. You don’t have to apologize for your smaller family or made to feel badly for being less affluent. All that has nothing to do with what’s happening here. For what it’s worth, I also don’t get the fuss about weddings and spending a lot of money to basically please everyone. Great if you can afford it or simply want to, but I’d rather elope to somehwere exotic with my closest family and have a wonderful honeymoon. Hope you get through this but remember regardless of what happens, this isn’t your fault or that of your family’s.

Post # 8
Member
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’d rather elope to somehwere exotic with my closest family and have a wonderful honeymoon

@Arshim:  So wanted to do this! 

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LadySmurph:  Is it really your Fiance who wants this huge (yeah for me too) wedding, or is it his mother? If it’s really her then as long as you stick together, you should be able to have a small intimate wedding. If he wants the big family wedding, then am afraid you’ll have to compromise. But do insist in paying for it yourself, otherwise your Future Mother-In-Law will soon be refering to it as “our wedding”.

Post # 12
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Oh I am so sorry for you. You need to sit your SO down and have a good long talk with him about what can and cannot be done, and stick to your guns. He needs to understand where your coming from, and you should always be able to deal with in-laws as a team.

Post # 14
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m not an expert or anything, but I do know that money is power. And your Fiance needs to understand that if you can’t afford something without help, then you can’t afford it. You say that your Future Mother-In-Law sees her son as a child, that’s not going to change until he stops relying on his family financially.

However, you say you like his family, and hopefully they are reasonable people. In which case, simply explain to them that your family cannot afford to waste money on something as frivolous as a wedding.In this economy, surely they must understand that.

And don’t let your dream house get away because you’re paying or saving for a wedding. Weddings are one day, houses can be for a life time.

Post # 15
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@LadySmurph:  I wrote a post an hour ago about financial responsibility and things, but it’s being moderated for spam and who knows when it’ll post. So I’m boiling it down to this: You say your future inlaws are good people, so explain that your grandparents simply can’t afford to waste money on a wedding.

Post # 16
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@LadySmurph:  “He’s totally a momma’s boy. He’s never even lived away from her dispite a brief bout at college (although that is why we have the down payment). She thinks he’s too young to move out.”

Have conflicts between you and his mom/family come up before?  Because if he doesn’t figure out how to define boundaries between his family and the family you are creating together, there’s going to be a lot of no fun for everyone involved.

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