(Closed) Who were your bridesmaids? Your MOH? How'd you pick and choose??

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
4890 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We knew that we were going to have a small wedding ceremony. Darling Husband doesn’t like to be in front of a ton of people, so it just ended up being family – and about 40 people. With the size, and I know this really doesn’t matter, we knew a small wedding party would be just fine.

I had my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor, and his sister (who we see all  the time, and I am close with) as my Bridesmaid or Best Man.

Darling Husband has his brother as his Bridesmaid or Best Man, and then his Brother-In-Law (sister’s hubby) as a Groomsmen. He’s actually close to his Brother-In-Law than his bro, but it just made more sense to have them labled this way for a program. He did consider them both his Best Men.

The only drama we had with this was my SIL thought that since her hubby was technically also a Bridesmaid or Best Man, that she could consider herself another Maid/Matron of Honor. That wasn’t the case, but felt it wasn’t need as an argument. She can be dramatic!

I don’t feel bad not asking any friends, even for one friend who I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding. We kept it small, and people understood that.

Post # 32
Member
18 posts
Newbee

sometimes people pick for the wrong reasons – 

Post # 33
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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tiffyyippie:  I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt, and I know that you can’t help how you feel, but she never said you would be Maid/Matron of Honor, and it sucks, but sometimes people get new best friends. It doesn’t matter how or when she met her Maid/Matron of Honor or why she picked her, she did, and she has the right to make that decision.

I didn’t want to have to choose between my one and only best friend and my sister, and Darling Husband didn’t want to choose between his older brothers who had been best man in eachother’s weddings, so I had 2 MOHs and he had two best men. Our wedding party was all people we think of as close family, so it was the right decision for us, and I don’t think anyone felt left out. But we don’t have a lot of close friends so that made it easier.

Post # 34
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

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tiffyyippie:  

I went through something like this when my childhood best friend got married. I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid at all. Later I was asked to do a poem reading of my choice. My feeling was WHOOP TEE DOO about the reading. (sp?) When I flew to my homestate (which I almost never go to anymore, I don’t have much family there and my mom usually visits me on my coast) for her wedding, I think I cried non stop for the week I was there. I did not expect to be SO EMOTIONAL about it. But basically, she and I were like sisters from age 3-high school graduation. We spent every other weekend at every other house, so literally half of my weekends in childhood were with her Fri night- Sun night. We didn’t have a ton in common which is why our paths sort of drifted in different directions after high school ( and I moved away) and even though we didn’t really talk on the phone much, if I ever came back to town it was like the sister feeling always returned immediatly. We would talk for hours and be like family again, it just only happend once a year or so. 

Anyway, the reason I felt so upset at the time was I think I was kind of mad at myself for taking her for granted, for not staying in better touch after high school/college and only seeing her when I happened to be in town which wasn’t much. I was an only child growing up, I just lived by myself with my mom, so having her as a “sister” was very important. She is very bubbly and social, so she had a whole slew of like 6 at least bridesmaids including her 2 sisters, and it just felt wrong that I wasn’t one of them to me. But I wasn’t mad at her, I really shouldered the blame myself. I was invited to the rehearsal and I remember she introduced me to someone as her “best friend” and inside I was crying “best friend that isn’t a bridesmaid!”, but I still had a good time at her wedding. It was very emotional for me to see her so beautiful and so happy with her husband. 

So then it came time for me to be engaged… I realized that I really wanted her to be a bridesmaid. I have friends now I am closer to them on a daily basis…. especialy one who I text with daily and we are very close indeed, but in the end I wanted my childhood best friend/sister because something about a wedding is like a full circle of life and stuff…she’s a big part of my life no matter how little we actually talk. I decided to keep it limited to 5 bridespeople total. I decided not to have any “new friends” from the state I’ve lived in for 8 years… all my bridespeople are from grad school or earlier. I had definitely had moments of thinking “I won’t ask her because she didnt’ ask me”, but then those moments always felt petty and silly. In the end I had to be true to what I wanted, it’s my wedding after all.

When I asked her she was VERY EXCITED and I knew it was the right decision. It kind of made me wonder if she regretted not having me as one. I guess the point is, I “forgave” her (or more accurately I forgave MYSELF) and moved on by trying to turn it all into a positive, focusing now on how happy she is to be my bridesmaid and no longer focusing on how sad I was that I wasn’t hers. Mayhe you can find some similar way to get past the sad part and move to a more positive place. 

Also, I love ALL MY Bridespeople TO DEATH. I think to focus on who is Maid/Matron of Honor is not the point. The point is these are my favorite people who I trust more than anyting, who I want to hug so hard at my wedding that it hurts them! And some of them are VERY involved even though they aren’t Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 35
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - National Press Club, DC

One piece of advice I think can contribute here- I wouldn’t skip out on designating an Maid/Matron of Honor. Even if you love all of your friends equally, or whatever, it’s important to designate a leader of the bridal party if you don’t want to be coordinating the shower/bachelorette party/other misc. festivities by yourself. My sister in law did not have an Maid/Matron of Honor, and she ended up not even having a shower or bachelorette party, partly because no one stepped up to organize them. None of her BMs quite knew who was supposed to do it. For purely logistical and practical purposes, I would highly suggest having an Maid/Matron of Honor. 

For my wedding, I had two friends from college (one of which was the MOH), one friend I have known my entire life, and three friends I have known for about 5 years that I currently live in the same town. When chosing an Maid/Matron of Honor, in the back of my head I was considering three of the BMs… Honestly, when it came down to it, I wanted the least drama possible and nominated my friend from college who is one of those zero drama, super organized, doesn’t take crap from anybody types of people. I knew she would be a great leader of the pack. She’s also a great and loyal friend, and I knew she would stand by me no matter what. Definitely do not regret my decision! 

Post # 36
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

That’s sad, well.. you never really know why she chose her. It might be that she didn’t want to impose all those responsabilites on you. It might be because you guys don’t talk everyday and she wanted someone she felt would be around more/talk more. It might be that she thought the other girl would have hurt feelings and you would understand more. Etc reasons.

Post # 37
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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tiffyyippie:  When your planning a wedding you will find out who your real friends are,I had more problems out of the married girls than the single ones,jealousy always play a part in it my bridal shower was ruined the invite didn’t go out some girls in the wedding party showed up it was disaster.The girls who I thought  was my friend was being in my face and cutting my throat right behind my back,My husband bought me a house and I had an expensive wedding and I don’t work so they was try to figure me out.All I could say pray and ask god to show you who your real friends are because the devil is always in a mask hidding in front of you. I got married in August 2001 and we’re renewing our wedding vows October 8 next year,Congrats to you!

Post # 38
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

Honestly, it was a no brainer to pick my sister to be my matron of honor and my bf as maid of honor.

Post # 39
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

My twin sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, I didn’t ask her, you can say I expected her to be and she said she expected to be my Maid/Matron of Honor aswell.. Since I moved to a different country (Canada) I became best friends with 2 girls, but still have my college best friend from holland. I would never choose between the 3 of them. Besides, no one can beat my twin sister who was there with me on our first day of school, first day of being 16, 18, 21, & 25.. I don’t know, my twin sister is always been there with every big thing, and since I’m in a different country, we have become even more close! So yeah! No question asked! Lol

Post # 40
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My moh was the first girlfriend i made after moving to nyc. She’s awesome. 

Bridesmaids : my sister,  my oldest friend,  abd mt best friend. 

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