Post # 1
I know sending 1 invite to families with adult children is considered an etiquette faux pas in Western culture and that etiquette dictates you send one to the parents/minor children and another to 18+ “children”. Is anyone sending whole family invites anyway?
If you are sending separate invites, do you feel guilty about the paper being used? (Not judging either way, just curious)
I’m sending whole family invites, but I’m still struggling with guilt over the amount of paper I’m going through. Envelope, pocketfold, invite, rsvp + envelope (I have no idea why I bought the envelopes and didn’t do a postcard), and menu/accommodation inserts. I played with the idea of doing E-Invites for a while, but I have a lot of non-tech savvy people that would just be confused.
Post # 3
I sent “family invites”, one included a 18+ daughter that lives in the home… and I sent their son who lives on his own his own invite.
No guilt, no problem
Post # 4
More news from the obscure long-distant past (like, you know, thirty or more years ago)! Eighteen in fact is not the magic etiquette age. It requires more of a judgement call as to when people in your social circle are considered “adults” for social purposes.
Usually that has less to do with a count of birthdays, and more to do with the role they play in society. In my youth that was phrased as “whether or not they are ‘out’.” “Out” meant, out of the school room, out into the larger world of society. For my girlfriends (the ones who *belonged* at those expensive private boarding schools, as opposed to my siblings who were sent there by our dad’s oil company employer because it was cheaper than providing a teacher for us in-country) being “out” meant having a fancy party at their parents’ club, after which they routinely attended evening parties with their parents. The clubs’ being private, it didn’t really matter whether the girls had reached the legal drinking age, or not. Many girls came “out” at sixteen or seventeen, and almost all before they were twenty-one (which was the legal age of majority back then).
Nowadays, I have nieces and nephews who function as adults well before eighteen — a couple who moved out and started earning their own living at sixteen — and some who started university at sixteen. And several who were still at home at eighteen. And a grand-niece who, at fifteen, is “at home” but essentially running the household in her mothers’ stead. It’s hard to think of any of these as “children” although I do have some eighteen-year-old relatives who do fit the role of “child”.
Use your judgement, not an arbitrary age, to distinguish between “children” and “adults”.
Post # 5
I am sending my invites out based on who share the same household, regardless of age. I have an adult sibling who loves at home with my parents, she won’t be getting a separate invite….they stay in the same house…that would be a waste. Anybody with a different address is getting a separate invite.
Post # 6
I chose “Other”. Judge me if you must–but this is what I did. A) For extended family we knew wouldn’t come (or bother to send an RSVP) we sent a “group” invite. B) For family we really wanted to be there but weren’t really expecting to be there we sent individual invites.
We totally played favorites.
Post # 7
I haven’t sent out my invites yet, but I have sent out my STD’s. I have an aunt who currently lives with my grandpa & my Future Sister-In-Law is currently living with her parents because her hubby is working out of state & I sent each “person” a separate invite.. I honestly felt like it was a waste of paper, but Fiance & my dad both insisted the proper thing to do would send each of them an invite even though they were living with someone else who would be invited..
Post # 8
if people live at the same address, I say just one invite is fine. Unless there’s a grandmother or something living with a family member, as she might appreciate her own invite.
For us, I have two cousins in college that do not live at home, but I am including them on their parents invite.
Post # 9
I did “household” invites. If the 18+ person lives at home, they’re not really an independent adult.
Post # 10
I decided that I would send whole family invites, unless I felt like the children were adults in every sense. My dads sister is 24 and acts like shes 15. I am 20 and its embarassing the way she behaves. She always feels the need to stress that shes my aunt… I mean come on!!! She lives with her mother so does her bf who has no job and 2 young boys…. its sad. BUT I will not send her an invite for her and her bf. She will be included my fraternal grandmothers invite. I don’t feel at all bad about it either. However I have a cousin who is 16 and has lived own her own, for many years now and has practically raised her younger siblings so she and her bf will be recieving their own invites. 🙂 and did I mention… No guilt at all?
Post # 11
- Wedding: May 2011 - The Royal Park Hotel
I chose “other,” because it was a judgement call on whether or not we sent individual invites to young adults living with their parents. All of Mr. Tartlet’s cousins are college aged and don’t have a permanent address, so we included them on their parent’s invitation to avoid any confusion or lost mail.
Post # 12
Accidentally hit choice 4 instead of 2.
For our STD’s everybody go their own. When it came to the invites, we caved and included college students on the same invite as their parents. Seriously, invites are costly, and I was not wanting to count on a 20 year cousin to send his response card.
Post # 13
I followed the general rule, except for one of my cousins. I’ve actually spent a decent amount of time with their family, and they have three sons in their twenties. I don’t think any of them still live at home. Before we sent STDs, I called the house to ask for the boys’ addresses, but I never got a call back. So I sent them one STD and now one invite. I’m assuming the boys won’t come, and I was honestly a little nervous about the possibility of them all having girlfriends I’d also need to invite. So I feel okay about my one invitation. For all the other families with grown children (FI’s friends/cousins) we sent a separate invitation.
Post # 14
I am using judgement and using my knowlege of our respective families. My Future In-Laws are more conservative, and we are doing it all to a “t”. My family we are doing a household invite, but remembering to add everyone to the invite and we are doing on the RSVP “# reserved ….” so it includes the whole family.
The paper does bother me so we are doing flat invites, and postcard RSVP. Also the postage hurts a little.. lol
Post # 15
Thank you all for the responses! Personally, I’m sending out whole family invites. I don’t think anyone in my family (or my FI’s family) would mind. I am sending out separate invites if the “children” live somewhere else though. However, in both my family and my FI’s family most of the “kids” still live with their parents even though they are 20-somethings and could be independent if they chose to (moving out at 18 isn’t a tradition).
I’m doing this for environmental reasons as well as for my sanity. My Fiance has a pretty large family and sending separate invites to the aunt and uncle (for example) that have 3 grown children, 2 under 18 children, and a grandma living in the same household would just be confusing. I’d be sending 5 invites to that one address!
I do have a question for those sending out separate invites for the “children” that live with their parents. Was there any late invites or confusion over the separate invites? I’d worry that maybe the parents will receive their invite and assume you aren’t inviting their kids. Or the kids will receive their invite and the parents will wonder why they weren’t included.
Post # 16
I also agree with the “household” thing. I’m sending a single invitation to groups of people who share the same address.