(Closed) Whole family invites vs separate invites

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Whole family invites vs separate invites
    Whole family invites are the custom with my people and that’s what I’m doing. : (13 votes)
    33 %
    Whole family invites aren’t the custom but I’m doing it anyway. : (7 votes)
    18 %
    I feel guilty about the trees but people would flip out if only sent one invite. : (4 votes)
    10 %
    I don’t think anyone would flip out but I like being correct and following etiquette. : (11 votes)
    28 %
    Other, explained below : (5 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I sent “family invites”, one included a 18+ daughter that lives in the home… and I sent their son who lives on his own his own invite.

    No guilt, no problem

    Post # 4
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee

    More news from the obscure long-distant past (like, you know, thirty or more years ago)! Eighteen in fact is not the magic etiquette age. It requires more of a judgement call as to when people in your social circle are considered “adults” for social purposes.

    Usually that has less to do with a count of birthdays, and more to do with the role they play in society. In my youth that was phrased as “whether or not they are ‘out’.” “Out” meant, out of the school room, out into the larger world of society. For my girlfriends (the ones who *belonged* at those expensive private boarding schools, as opposed to my siblings who were sent there by our dad’s oil company employer because it was cheaper than providing a teacher for us in-country) being “out” meant having a fancy party at their parents’ club, after which they routinely attended evening parties with their parents. The clubs’ being private, it didn’t really matter whether the girls had reached the legal drinking age, or not. Many girls came “out” at sixteen or seventeen, and almost all before they were twenty-one (which was the legal age of majority back then).

    Nowadays, I have nieces and nephews who function as adults well before eighteen — a couple who moved out and started earning their own living at sixteen — and some who started university at sixteen. And several who were still at home at eighteen. And a grand-niece who, at fifteen, is “at home” but essentially running the household in her mothers’ stead. It’s hard to think of any of these as “children” although I do have some eighteen-year-old relatives who do fit the role of “child”.

    Use your judgement, not an arbitrary age, to distinguish between “children” and “adults”.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3709 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I am sending my invites out based on who share the same household, regardless of age. I have an adult sibling who loves at home with my parents, she won’t be getting a separate invite….they stay in the same house…that would be a waste. Anybody with a different address is getting a separate invite.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1560 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I chose “Other”. Judge me if you must–but this is what I did. A) For extended family we knew wouldn’t come (or bother to send an RSVP) we sent a “group” invite. B) For family we really wanted to be there but weren’t really expecting to be there we sent individual invites.

    We totally played favorites. Embarassed

    Post # 7
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I haven’t sent out my invites yet, but I have sent out my STD’s. I have an aunt who currently lives with my grandpa & my Future Sister-In-Law is currently living with her parents because her hubby is working out of state & I sent each “person” a separate invite.. I honestly felt like it was a waste of paper, but Fiance & my dad both insisted the proper thing to do would send each of them an invite even though they were living with someone else who would be invited..

    Post # 8
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    if people live at the same address, I say just one invite is fine.  Unless there’s a grandmother or something living with a family member, as she might appreciate her own invite. 

    For us, I have two cousins in college that do not live at home, but I am including them on their parents invite.

    Post # 9
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I did “household” invites. If the 18+ person lives at home, they’re not really an independent adult. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    121 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I decided that I would send whole family invites, unless I felt like the children were adults in every sense. My dads sister is 24 and acts like shes 15. I am 20 and its embarassing the way she behaves. She always feels the need to stress that shes my aunt… I mean come on!!! She lives with her mother so does her bf who has no job and 2 young boys…. its sad. BUT I will not send her an invite for her and her bf. She will be included my fraternal grandmothers invite. I don’t feel at all bad about it either. However I have a cousin who is 16 and has lived own her own, for many years now and has practically raised her younger siblings so she and her bf will be recieving their own invites. 🙂 and did I mention… No guilt at all?

    Post # 11
    Member
    137 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011 - The Royal Park Hotel

    I chose “other,” because it was a judgement call on whether or not we sent individual invites to young adults living with their parents. All of Mr. Tartlet’s cousins are college aged and don’t have a permanent address, so we included them on their parent’s invitation to avoid any confusion or lost mail.

    Post # 12
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Accidentally hit choice 4 instead of 2.

    For our STD’s everybody go their own. When it came to the invites, we caved and included college students on the same invite as their parents. Seriously, invites are costly, and I was not wanting to count on a 20 year cousin to send his response card.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1126 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I followed the general rule, except for one of my cousins.  I’ve actually spent a decent amount of time with their family, and they have three sons in their twenties.  I don’t think any of them still live at home.  Before we sent Save-The-Date Cards, I called the house to ask for the boys’ addresses, but I never got a call back.  So I sent them one STD and now one invite.  I’m assuming the boys won’t come, and I was honestly a little nervous about the possibility of them all having girlfriends I’d also need to invite.  So I feel okay about my one invitation.  For all the other families with grown children (FI’s friends/cousins) we sent a separate invitation.

    Post # 14
    Member
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I am using judgement and using my knowlege of our respective families. My Future In-Laws are more conservative, and we are doing it all to a “t”. My family we are doing a household invite, but remembering to add everyone to the invite and we are doing on the RSVP “# reserved ….” so it includes the whole family.

    The paper does bother me so we are doing flat invites, and postcard RSVP. Also the postage hurts a little.. lol

    Post # 16
    Member
    2154 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I also agree with the “household” thing. I’m sending a single invitation to groups of people who share the same address.

    The topic ‘Whole family invites vs separate invites’ is closed to new replies.

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