(Closed) Whom to invite to the shower???

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can you invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding?

    Yes - go for it!


  • Post # 3
    13562 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Never, never, never invite someone to the shower who isn’t invited to the wedding. If they are invited to buy you a gift, they should also be invited to your wedding celebration.

    We’re not inviting all of the women on our guest list, for sure. Just the ones with whom we’re closest. And we are inviting some from out of town. If traveling to the shower is a hardship, they’ll decline. Simple as that. 🙂

    Post # 4
    7693 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Whatever you do you should not invite women to the shower who are not invited to the wedding

    Post # 5
    10362 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Why would someone not invited to your wedding spend money for a gift to come to a party that’s sole purpose is to celebrate something that they aren’t invited to?

    See the logic there? Don’t invite anyone to a shower that isn’t invited to the wedding.

    Post # 6
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    It is in extremely poor taste to invite somebody to a shower (by definition, a gift-centric event) without inviting them to the wedding.

    Post # 8
    713 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I TOTALLY agree with you – but I think it gets difficult depending on where you live and your family’s traditions.

    I’m currently going through this with FI’s family. They are throwing me a shower with 60+ people and most of them aren’t invited to the wedding. This made me really really uncomfortable. But … this is what they do. Every time there is a wedding, the whole community gets together, they host in the church basement, they cater it the same way… etc. And since my Future Mother-In-Law has helped out at all these showers over the years, she sees it as pay back time. She actually told me that all her friends and family owe her. Ugh. The whole thing has caused significant drama and stress between my Future Mother-In-Law, my mom (who sees things my way) and myself.

    In my opinion, the shower should be close friends and family who are attending the wedding. But not necessarily all the women invited to the wedding. Good luck figuring things out with your mom!

    Post # 9
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    As for your other question, no, you are not obligated to invite all of the women on the wedding guest list.  It really should be limited to family and close friends.

    I got a shower invitation for my childhood best friend’s brother’s fiance (whew) who I had met only twice before.  Super awkward and, IMO, gift grabby.

    Post # 10
    244 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    yeah, inviting people to the shower who aren’t invited to the wedding is like saying “please give me a present, but don’t come to my wedding.” You should also tell your mom that it’s very against etiquette for her to host the shower (maybe that’ll get her off your back! And you can tell her to check with Emily Post on that one!) No one closely related to the bride is supposed to host a shower because it is again seen as the family asking for gifts. Instead, that should be your Maid of Honor’s task (if she isn’t your sister) or the other bride’smaids task. Since I don’t have a lot of female friends, and because the guest list is restricted to mostly family, my brother’s (who are going to be my attendants) have handed the responsiblity off to a friend of mine, who is working with my Aunt to make sure all the family (including the guys!!) are invited. Who says you can’t have a co-ed shower??

    Post # 11
    151 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    You are definitely not obligated to invite all the women to your shower that are invited to the wedding. However, I completely agree with others that you shouldn’t invite someone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding. 


    View original reply
    @ORella2012:I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the mom hosting the shower though. I’ve been to friends’ showers before that were hosted by their moms or sisters, and my mom is hosting mine. I guess it may be a regional thing though. 


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