(Closed) Who’s in the wrong?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

You can’t control how she attends your wedding. If she wants to go with her husband and because of that have to leave early, I think that’s up to her. That said, I can understand your feelings of disappointment and frusteration.

Post # 5
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee

You can feel however you like about it, and I definitely understand your frustration and disappointment. 

But she is free to come to whatever portions of your events that she likes and can opt out for whatever reason she likes, all while remaining perfectly polite.

If I were in this situation, I may help her to brainstorm ways to stay and not have to go back with hubs.  Can you arrange a car pool?  Can she stay with someone for the night, then take a bus back after the brunch.  I would be understanding, but let my friend know that I was disappointed that she couldn’t share in the events.

Post # 6
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

She was wrong to exclude your Fiance from her wedding.  Engaged couples are package deals, regardless of budget. 

As for her leaving your wedding after dinner to drive back with her husband, I understand why you’re upset (I’d be disappointed, too) but I would not say anything as I don’t think she’s actually doing anything wrong.  Wanting to attend with her husband rather than attend solo is valid; if that means having to leave the reception early, so be it. 

Post # 7
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t think it’s a double standard but if you feel that she’s not doing everything she can to try to be there for you, I can understand your disappointment. But, they are driving 10 hours (in one day?) to make it to as much of it as they can… I know it’s hard but try to be grateful that they are doing that for you and look forward to the time that you will be able to spend with her that day. 

Post # 9
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, she is still attending your wedding, and driving 5 hours to get there, so you might be over-reacting…. 

Post # 12
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@ticatica:  I don’t think you sound ungrateful, just disappointed (and yeah maybe still upset about your Fiance not having been invited to her wedding, which was wrong of her). Just sometimes, turning the situation around to look at the blessings can help. ๐Ÿ™‚ FWIW I don’t think she’s in the wrong now, though she was with respect to her own wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would definitely be disappointed.  We have a Sunday wedding coming up in June, and Fiance and I are going seperately so that he can stay (I have to be back for class on Monday), so I absolutely understand…but unfortunately not everyone handles every situation the way WE would, and in this case, there is nothing you can do about it outside of being bummed ๐Ÿ™  

Post # 15
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think you sound ungrateful, and honestly if I were in your shoes, I would be 100% re-evaluating my friendship with this person. It’s obvious that her friendship with you means more to you than your friendship does to her. (Did I type that right? You know what I’m trying to say!) That is what would upset me. This isn’t just a random party. This is your freaking WEDDING. As someone who has known you your entire life, she should be making every effort to be there and celebrate with you for its entirety. I would be extrememly pissed off, and I would tell her not to even bother coming at all, but that’s just me and I tend to jump to extremes :/ Good luck and I’m sorry you’re going through this ๐Ÿ™

Post # 16
Member
1866 posts
Buzzing bee

Here’s the thing – as much as it sucks, just b/c you do something for someone, you can’t expect them to do the same for you.  You can definitely be disappointed though.  I would be too.  If you guys have been best friends for so long, I would talk to her about this.  You can just act really sad and tell her you really wish she could be there for you since your other good friend can’t – and as another poster said, you can suggest ways for her to stay (carpooling with another friend or staying in the same hotel as another friend).  Is she in the wedding party?

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