(Closed) Who’s paying for the wedding and are they entitle to whoever comes??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You have every right to tell her that there is a limit to how much she can wield her financial assistance over you. Our parents both helped pay and we invited all aunt, uncles, and cousins (and spouses), but then gave each set of parents 10 additional seats. End of story. That still meant we invited fewer friends than our parents did. We invited 113 people and had 81 in attendance. 

Post # 4
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well, no outside party paid for the majority of our wedding but my mom did cover the whole venue bill which was roughly 1/3 of our whole budget. She didn’t insist on inviting a single person. I even asked if she wanted to invite her boss and some friends but she said no. It was our wedding so beyond the obligatory family invites, anyone else who was invited were our friends and the people who we wanted there. 

Post # 6
8675 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Unfortunately I think the ship has sailed. You and your Fiance should have asked if there were any requirements/conditions when accepting the money. Money always comes with strings particularly with weddings. If you feel that strongly I would decline the offer of her money and pay for the wedding yourself.

Post # 7
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@j_jaye:  I agree with you. 

Although for a 80 guestlist I don’t think it’s appropriate for your Future Mother-In-Law to demand that many seats for such a small wedding, but since your Future Mother-In-Law is contributing majority of the wedding it’s very hard to draw the line. 

My question is, can your venue accommodate more than 80 people?  Can you guys still invite the people you want to invite after Future Mother-In-Law invite her friends?  Or is she setting a cap on the guest count too?

Post # 9
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Its a tough situation. Is she the type of woman you could sit down with with FI?

Post # 10
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have a frank conversation about the space available as well as the feel of the wedding. Try to see if you can compromise. You added 10 for her already. If she wants another 10, talk to her about compromising to 15. Remember, there’s no guarantee these people would even come. Explain to her how you want to celebrate with loved ones, not strangers, and have Fiance therof backing you up. 

Ultimately, if she is paying for extra guests, she CAN invite them. If you can’t come to an agreement, you can either just go along with what she wants, or postpone the wedding until you can afford to pay for the wedding you want. 

Post # 11
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Originally, we wanted around 100 guests, so we figured on: 25 guests each for FI’s family, my family, Fiance friends, my friends. (We’ve gone over on our friends.)

So if I understand correctly- Future In-Laws have 20 people. Or is this just her friends, and FI’s family will be on top of that? If she’s trying to add over 20, that means Future Mother-In-Law is trying to turn YOUR wedding into HER party. Yes, she’s paying, but she’s taking away from what the event is supposed to be about.

Post # 13
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@UpstateCait:  I agree. FI’s parents are both helping out (we aren’t sure how much yet, but they’ve each given us a little) and have not mentioned any suggestions or wanting specific people invited. 

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