(Closed) Who's paying for what, panic attacks, mom and money HELP!

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 16
2864 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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herrera2016 :  yeah. That’s not what you said earlier but I get it – hard when you realize this unfortunate truth about a parent. 

The sooner you do you 100% the sooner you can heal 

Post # 17
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

It’s not worth the stress. I would just cancel the venue and do what you initially planed – a backyard bbq. Even if my parents had the money (which they don’t), I would not expect them to pay for my wedding. 57 k in savings is not much for near retirement… lots of unexpected things pop up when you age and the more savings = better when you get older. Plus you don’t know the financial arrangement between your mom and her bf, so it’s best not assume that his money is hers. Maybe give her the benefit of doubt as you don’t really know her relationship or financial situation completely to make assumptions.

Post # 20
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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herrera2016 :  “Her fiance is literally a millionaire. I know because my best friend is his accountant.” I know it’s not the point of your post but I really hope your friend’s other clients don’t find out that she discloses their financial information to people who aren’t entitled to it. Wowza. 

Post # 22
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

I think you should talk to your mum and say I am grateful for you paying for the venue but the reality is that I can’t afford this wedding and I got confused when you told me ‘don’t worry we will sort it’ thinking you meant you would help me out financing it. Sorry but I’m going to have to cancel and see if she offers to help out with some more to save you having to cancel your big day, you must talk to her though! ASAP

Post # 23
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

You say it’s not about the money…but it’s to the second page and it’s still money related. Not trying to be snarky or say you don’t have other issues with your mother…but, geesh.

Regardless of whose checks you write, your mom’s finances aren’t your concern. Your mom’s partner’s isn’t your concern. She may have reasons that you don’t know of for keeping him away from paying for parts of your wedding. That’s her and his business. I would be appalled to find out my personal financial information was being talked about online by the person that handles my statements.

You can still cancel even if invitations are out and avoid taking out debt on something you can’t afford. Losing deposits is a whole lot better than paying the amount plus interest.

Post # 24
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Not that it matters much now, but I don’t think you mentioned when you actually went to the venue and had this discussion with your mom. Is this a super fast engagement or did you book the venue 6 months to a year ago? 60 days out from the wedding is cutting it wayyyy too close IMO to be working out key financial decisions! I’m surprised you didn’t have these discussion with your mom sooner, like as you made the guest list and had a final head count. It sorta seems like she committed to paying for the wedding, and then without further discussion you just sent out invitations before you reviewed it with her. 

I am also getting married in October 2016 and I have had the financial breakdown of who is contributing what amount for almost a year. I knew exactly how much my mom was committing, how much cash I would have, and how much my FI would have. My budget has increased a lot since we started planning, due to lack of knowledge when I made my estimate mainly, but I have reviewed every line item with my mom and Fiance every step of the way.

My wedding is 65 days out, and I have payed about 50% of the total so far. I’m not sure what type of wedding you are planning, but for me, it would be too late to ‘back out’ as I have signed contracts committing to the rest of the money. At this point, I am not sure if there is much you can do but apply for a high limit credit card that has no interest for a year, or a small private loan… unless your contracts allow you to back out and only lose a small amount. 

Post # 26
691 posts
Busy bee

I was in the EXACT same situation. The only thing is… we ended up going through with the wedding. We came up with the cash and made it happen. I spent a lot of money on that day… Looking back, I wish I had been more straightforward with my Mom, saved the cash, and just eloped like we had originally planned. Even though your invitations have gone out, if no one has booked the trip yet, then I would consider doing what you wanted to do in the first place. It can still be a beautiful wedding.

Post # 29
14095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

57k for an adult really isn’t that good of a savings account.  Unfortunately, your expectations are not in line with your mother’s will – she doesn’t need to help you with a wedding, or your siblings with a downpayment.  Adults should handle their own finances without asking or hoping for others to handle them.

In reference to this gem: “Her fiance is literally a millionaire. I know because my best friend is his accountant.”  Your friend should learn to keep his/her mouth shut and not be discussing their clients finances with people.  It’s a surefire way to ruin a reputation and possibly lose a license.  I wouldn’t be broadcasting on the internet about this person’s lack of professional ethics, even without using the person’s name.

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