(Closed) Who's paying for what, panic attacks, mom and money HELP!

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 46
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

herrera2016 :  You said —

 

“We got engaged 18 months ago and booked the venue right after. Like literally the week after. I have brought up over and over and over again that we need to go over numbers and I just get back “don’t worry about it!” “we have plenty of time” “we will take care of it” We have paid for photographer and DJ and set aside money for our guests (friends, his family, my dad’s family). I started in on a budget immediately. I told her my dad would do as much as he could but he needed to know how much they needed to get together. So in theory if my dad comes up with more money I can cover her guests.  We can probably still make that happen. It’s just weighing on me that she won’t nail down anything. So it makes me feel like we are going to be short. “

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/whos-paying-for-what-panic-attacks-mom-and-money-help/#ixzz4GQFhUL52

 

So let me get this straight.  First you wanted to have a BBQ, but your mom said look around.  Then after ONE week, you booked a place without going through details with her?  As to what exactly she would pay for?  I am sorry, your story just doesnt make sense.  Sounds to me more like mom has money (some), wont help with wedding and you are pissed. 

Post # 47
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

3 months out is still plenty of time to downscale the wedding. If you wanted a BBQ initially it shouldn’t be hard to find some sort of middle ground between what you had originally wanted and whatever you’ve committed to in line with the venue.

I’m still a bit confused as to what you’re out of pocket for as it seems your Mum and Dad are seperately paying quite a bit between them. Is your fiancés family contributing?

I agree with PPs who have suggested using this as a learning experience to communicate more clearly in the future. In fact, 18 months ago when you couldn’t pin down exact numbers from your Mum was when you should have cancelled the venue and reverted to the style of wedding you could afford but I get it, wedding planning is insane and hindsight is 20/20. 

Post # 48
Member
693 posts
Busy bee

herrera2016 :  Have they already booked flights? If they haven’t you can still change plans. If they have booked, then maybe just scale back but include them. 

Post # 49
Member
2754 posts
Sugar bee

You reek of entitlement. 57K at age 55 is alarming if that is the extent of her savings.  Retirement is EXPENSIVE.

Your unprofessional outing of somene’s financial situation is such a breech of ethics I can’t even.  If I knew somene who works for the company where a good bit of my money is I would immediately change advisers.

No one owes you anything. Would it be nice for your mom to pay? Yes.  Is she compelled to do so?No.  You are an adult.  Pay for your own wedding and have what you can afford.

Post # 50
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee

I get why you’re frustrated, you thought you wedding was going to be paid for by your mom, and it wasn’t. But this is your fault. You should have calculated $/person x #of people=$$$ and asked your mom if she was planning to contribute that amount of money. 

Whether your mom has 57K (which btw really is not a lot) or has 5.7 million is irrelevant. It’s her money, and she can spend it how she wants. Not even going to comment on the boyfriend’s financial status, because again…irrlevant. 

At this point you need to: Figure out the exact dollar amount your mom wants to contribute + the $1,000 you got from your dad + the money you and your fiance can save =  your budget.  

Then you determine how many people you can afford on that budget. If your mom wants to invite more people than you can afford, you can’t invite them. However- if your mom is willing to pay for all the people she wants to invite, you can’t get mad that she won’t use that same money to pay for your dad’s family. Its understandable that she’d rather spend her $20/head on people she likes versus her ex-inlaws. 

You’ve got to come to terms with your situation, and cut the extra costs. Linens, decorations, extra deserts, favors, paper goods (invites, rsvp, programs, etc) just have to be cut back or completely deleted. 

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