Post # 1
I’ve been seeing a lot of wedding drama on here regarding parents/family giving their two cents on invites, venues, attire, food, only to be followed by “and they’re not even contributing!”
I for one think this is absolutely ridiculous and won’t stand for it! My FFIL has “offered” to help us, WITH stipulations and is the type of person that unless we have a check in our hands, will completely go back on his word and not give us a dime. Now I wouldn’t even care, but he gave us a list of 25 people for our 100 person wedding!!!! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!?? Now we’re sending out our STD’s and if he’s not contributing, I REFUSE to send invites to these people that WE DON’T EVEN KNOW. These are not even family, the majority of his list are friends and/or colleagues! Meanwhile, both our moms are contributing and have asked for NOTHING in return!! If anyone has a right to, it would be them!
I’m sorry, but you don’t attend someone’s birthday party and bring 25 of your friends. That’s how I see it!!
UGH I’m just so aggravated right now. The worst part is FI and his dad aren’t close, so he won’t bring it up to him and get a solid answer. Our wedding is in less than 8 months, I think we have a right to know, don’t you?? Either way, we just need an ANSWER.
Post # 2
We paid for everything in relation to our wedding. We also made all the final decisions.
Post # 3
Since my finace is older then me, his parents are both passed on so we ( my parents, my fiancee and I) are splitting it three ways, although my parents are putting in the most and I will probably put it second most since I make more then my fiance.
Post # 4
We are paying for half and each set of parents is paying 25%. It is very generous of them. We try to let them have some say ie letting in-laws invite about 8 family friends I’ve never met. Doesn’t really bother me, the more the merrier! I think my fiance and I would still veto any opinion that we REALLY didn’t agree with despite their contribution. I think we would make decisions the same way, regardless of who is paying. We want to make our parents happy, but we also know that our parents want us to be happy. So it works out pretty nicely 🙂
Post # 5
My paid for my clothing, shoes. Jewelery, hair and make up. We paid for the wedding.
In regards to your FFIL, unless your FI is willing to have a conversation with his father about his contribution I would couny that money out. Once you address and send out your STDs contact thr dad and let him know who made the final list from hus suggested 25 guests.
Post # 6
BurlapnLace: Sorry you are experiencing this.
My parents paid for most of everything. I paid for the photographer, and a couple other smaller items.
Fortunately, my parents still wanted my day to represent me and let me have the final say on all decisions.
The only thing that was decided for me was the choice to not have alcohol. Because of several close family members that are recovering alcoholics, including my dad, this was not a big deal to me.
I think it is crappy to extend a helping hand with conditions. I feel like if someone is paying for a wedding it is supposed to be out of love. I don’t really have any advice for you, just offering some moral support. I hope you get it worked out soon!
Post # 7
My parent’s are paying for about 2/3 of it by the end. They’re basically paying for the major vendors (venue, caterer, florist, 75% of photographer, cake, and alcohol) and I’m covering everything else decor and DIY wise (very little help from Mr. S which is another issue entirely). That said, I do check in with them on what I’m doing and see if they have opinions but I’ve been very fortunate in that they see my vision and are willing to let me go with it, even though they’re footing so much of the final bill.
They know that I’m searching for the best deals possible and if I stay on track, their portion will come in under what they paid for my sister’s wedding 8 years ago.
Funny story – I actually had to argue with them to allow me to contribute to my own wedding. haha. My parents are pretty traditional when it comes to their daughters’ weddings and they paid everything for my sister’s wedding except the dress. My argument was that she was 23 and just out of college/not really established. I’m closing in on 30 and have been in my career field for 7 years – I should contribute to the wedding. Basically, my way around it was to show them the contract costs and then hide everything else. haha
Post # 8
My mom put in a huge chunk and his parents put in a little, but we also put in more than half.
Post # 9
TheOkieWifey: I didn’t even mention his “conditions”. We need to supply the alcohol at our venue which is cool b/c we can customize and not waste. His dad “offered” to take care of this, then turns around to my FI and says he wants all this expensive wine for him and his friends. I said to my FI, “Is this a personal expense, or are they bringing their own??” No, his expensive wine is coming out of the “contribution”. I’m so beyond furious!! WHO DOES THAT???
Post # 10
Our parents are paying for pretty much everything (basically a 50/50 split). So far, it hasn’t been bad. My mom has been really insistent that I remind everyone, including her, that at the end of the day, it’s our wedding, so we get to call the shots. That’s made me feel a lot better.
If our parents were super controlling (and/or didn’t have very similar taste to what we like anyway), I’d be worried about ultimatums and holding money over our heads. As it is, I think things will be ok, with a few disagreements along the way.
Post # 11
My parents have offered a certain dollar amount for the wedding, which would include the reception, my dress, flowers, and photograhy. His parents have said that they would split the cost of the reception (rental, food, music, etc). We do not have a problem shelling out money for certain things (like getting a band instead of a DJ, transporation, etc.), or anything else that would come up that we don’t feel our parents should pay for.
My mom has already been controlling with the little planning I have done, as she thinks I am going to cost her a fortune. Not true. I am looking for the most bang for my buck, but also want a nice and fun wedding. It does help that the reception stuff will be split by all, so hopefully that wil alleviate some of her concerns.
I am obviously very thankful for their offerings. My sister spoke to them this week and was pretty adament that they let us do what we want (we’re both in our 30’s), so I’m hoping that helps some – cos right now going to the courthouse sounds like such a better idea.
Post # 12
My parents are paying 50-60%, his parents are covering the music and RD, and we’re paying for the rest.
Post # 13
Maybe everyone’s way of segmenting WHAT others are paying for is more beneficial then just a dollar amount, I don’t know. The fact of the matter is if his did is NOT contributing, FINE!! Here’s your list back!! We just NEED TO KNOW and my FI won’t have the conversation with him.
Post # 14
My parents are paying for everything, so I beleive they should have a say. However, they’re VERY into us having what we want, and my mother has only put her foot down about one thing – she wants inner envelopes on the invitations. Which I probably would have done anyhow. They’ve been great.
Post # 15
- Wedding: September 2014 - Jacksonville Inn
My partner and I are paying for everything ourselves. Between us we only have 1 living parent, my partner’s Mom. She is not in a financial position to contribute and at our ages we would not expect it anyway. She also believes that this is our day and we should make all decisions.