Post # 1
Anyone else out there hate funeral outfit shopping?
If it’s someone you were very close to, it’s incredibly hard because, well, you’re dealing with the loss of someone you loved, and clothes seem so inconsequential.
If it was someone who lived a long, happy life and saw a relatively “unsad” end, you still feel weird picking out an outfit – it’s like, you have to think about what you’re going to wear, because you want to be respectful. But you don’t want to look downright dowdy because it’d be a waste to buy something you won’t wear again.
Anyone know what I’m talking about?
Post # 3
I am sorry for your loss.
I totally know what you are talking about. I try to find something I already have first, just because I know I will never be able to wear it again.
Post # 4
Ok I’ll be honest, at 22 years old I have never had to attend a funeral. There have been a few very distant family friends’ funerals but I never attended those (usually too young).
I can imagine what an awkward and unusual situation it would be shopping for an outfit to wear to that occasion however :/
Post # 5
I haven’t been to a funeral in over ten years (knock on wood), and the family requested everyone wear purple, because it was their favourite colour, and they thought black was too sad looking.
Post # 6
Wow! babyboo, luck you that you have never had to attend a funeral. That is very fortunate.
lilyfaith, I’m so sorry for your loss. To me, picking out an outfit for a funeral is usually really difficult because I hate the typical black, bleak aesthetic of a funeral. I don’t want people to be miserable and somber at my funeral. Believe me, I know it’s hard to deal with the fact that you’re never going to see a loved one again, but I really do think everyone would be better off not emphasizing their pain at a funeral and instead celebrating the life lived by the person (of course this can be hard if it’s the funeral of a small child, etc.). So I usually try to wear color, but of course want it to be seen as respectful by the immediate family of the person whose funeral I am attending. When my ex-boyfriend died a few years back, I wore a light blue dress to his wake and a navy skirt and light blue top to his funeral. I thought that was respectful enough, and encouraged all his friends to similarly wear color (I knew that was what he’d want), but of course his very conservative fundamentalist Christian relatives threw daggers at me with their eyes throughout the entire event. It’s a hard balance to strike, I guess. In that case, I never wore those outfits again…they had too much baggage. But I did buy them with the thought that I could wear them again. They were tasteful, but not dowdy, for sure. I get what you mean about the difficulty of funeral attire shopping.
Again, sorry for your loss.
Post # 7
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Fortunately the family member who died lived a long life (she was 99) and was very much at peace. It’s sad, but nowhere near as tragic as many deaths. I think deciding on an outfit is just so strangely practical and emotional at the same time. It seems so ridiculous to focus on, but you can’t just wear anything.
@noritake22: I have the same instinct. I have been to a large number of funerals for my age (mostly older relatives and patients) and have always been able to do that. Of course tonight I searched my closet and nothing fits anymore (I’ve lost about two dress sizes since the last funeral.)
@babyboo: I’m glad to hear that! Hopefully you won’t have to worry about it for quite some time. It is a weird feeling.
@SapphireSun: and @veganglam: I love the idea of wearing color, even if it’s a muted one. Unfortunately I know that her son would be really offended – he’s very traditional, and was very close to her, so I’m going to pick up a black dress out of respect for him. At my own funeral, or that of someone I was much closer to, though, I’d be much more open to wearing something that reflected them. Veganglam, I’m so sorry to hear about your ex-boyfriend – as someone who is lucky enough to have never had to bury someone that young and close to me, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been.
Post # 8
@lilyfaith: I can totally relate – and salespeople can be so insensitive. When one of my good friends was killed in Afghanistan I was really broken up, I couldn’t bear to go through my closet and pick something to wear, so I tried going shopping – I went into a store that I shop at frequently, and asked the sales girl to bring me black dresses in my size – as I was trying them on she asked me if I wanted to try on something more cheerful since it was spring time – I started bawling, and choked out that it was for a funeral. Poor girl felt bad, but I thought I could manage shopping without crying …