(Closed) whos writting or wrote their own vows?

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Did you or Are you writting your own vows

    yes, it is so much fun and means a lot

    no, not a big deal, keeping it traditional

    other, explaine

  • Post # 17
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    We worked on our vows together. One thing that was important to us was for our vows to actually be vows, that is, promises we make to each other. We wanted to each write our own vows, but not have them turn out drastically different from each other in tone, so here’s what we did. We sat down and made a list together of things that we wanted to vow. Examples: faithfulness, honesty, support each other in good times and bad, put each other first, etc. Then we each wrote our own vows, incorporating everything on the list and elaborating on it in our own words. (We each also added one or two additional personal vows.) We ended up with vows that “matched”, but in our own unique voices with personal touches, which I loved!

    In addition to the vows, we also each wrote a “declaration of love”, which we read to each other earlier in the ceremony, to say what we love most about each other, our hopes for the future, and things like that. We didn’t share these with each other beforehand, but we did share word counts to make sure they were roughly the same length!

    Before the ceremony, we each printed our declarations and vows on separate pieces of paper and gave them to the officiant, who handed it to us to read at the appropriate point in the ceremony. They were way too long to memorize, but we knew them pretty well by that point, so didn’t have to be glued to the paper. Our vows and declarations were our favorite part of our wedding.


    Post # 19
    3470 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    There is very little about my Fiance and I that is “traditional” so it didn’t make sense to constrict ourselves to “traditional” vows– we are each writing our own, and saying how we feel about eachother, which is much more special to me than just going with the generic ones that 50% of the population doesn’t mean (seeing as how they end up divorced). 

    Post # 20
    305 posts
    Helper bee

    I think writing your own vows is great…but should only be shared in private. I always feel really uncomfortable at weddings when I have to listen to vows that the bride and groom wrote. Plus, there is something beautiful about using traditional vows. 

    Just my opinion. 

    Post # 21
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

     Have you thought of doing neither. You can  not  your write owns vow yourself,and still be non traditional. copying someone else instead. The traditional vow are nice but be able to choose vows together may just be as special. you can find vows that perfect to describe your feelings and relationship without the pressure of writting them by yourself ( im sure your groom like that idea).




    Post # 22
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Traditional all the way. I have terrible anxiety about public speaking and writing so no way would I be able to write our own and read them in front of others.  If I did write my own I’d save them for a private time between the two of us and not share in front of everyone. I’m a private person about that kind of stuff.

    Post # 23
    1991 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I knew we’d both bawl if we tried to write our own.  Plus we tell each other all the time all of our mushy feelings.  So we went with the traditional, repeat-after-me vows and it was perfect πŸ™‚

    Post # 24
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I’m so glad we did. We did more traditional ones too. Our ceremony got kind of bungled up, haha. Nobody could tell, who cares?

    My groom made the whole room laugh with his and it is one of my favourite memories from the wedding. Also, I am glad I got to vow exactly the things I wanted to vow in my own words.

    Post # 25
    220 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2005

    I voted “other” the first time around they Justice of the Peace married us and she did the vows that are required for marriage in Montana. 

    This time around, our officiant will be reciting the traditional vows for us to repeat, however, we will be writing our own reflections, promises, and hopes for the future. 

    Each time I sit down I get writers block.  I am so full of emotions and dreams and hopes that it is hard to pick and choose what I want to say and how to say it.  I could probably go on for an hour about how grateful I am to have him in my life and the things DH has taught me and the love we have.  I want our ceremony to be short, not a long sob fest. LOL

    Post # 27
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We also worked on our vows together. We found the traditional ones too cheesy and not so relevant to us. So we changed the phrasing here and there and it felt more like us.

    Post # 28
    11163 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    We both did and I am so glad I stuck to my guns on this. My DH and I brought the place to tears and most of the guests said they loved our vows and how intimate and personal they were.

    I have the papers saved with our handwritten vows and will treasure them forever.

    Post # 29
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

    We didn’t write our own vows, but are not using any of the traditional ones, so I picked ‘other.” Basically we googled around, found a couple of readings that were meaningful to both of us, and put them in an order that made sense. Our actual vows are the “ethical humanist” ones from the knot, and we’re actualy separating the two parts by a reading. Our officiant is a close friend of ours and we really wanted something that wouldn’t sound silly or fake coming out of any of the 3 of our mouths–we wanted readings and vows that we could feel natural saying and hearing, not flowery language or somethingthat doesn’t sound like how we talk normally. I love our ceremony, it feels very personal and I tear up each time I read over it. I’m going to be a mess doing it in real life. πŸ™‚

    Post # 30
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I clicked “other” because I wouldn’t call it “fun”, lol. I am actually writing our entire ceremony (aside from his vows). It isn’t hard it’s just………….we’ll just say it’s making me think and do soul searching because I don’t want to include anything just because it sounds “pretty”. I want everything to be meaningful and true to us. 

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