(Closed) Who's your officiant? How much did they write?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Who was your officiant? How much of the ceremony did you vs. the officiant write?
    Officiant was a pastor/rabbi/etc : (14 votes)
    21 %
    Officiant was a family member : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Officiant was a friend : (14 votes)
    21 %
    Officiant was a semi-random person : (6 votes)
    9 %
    Officiant wrote most of the ceremony : (10 votes)
    15 %
    We wrote most of the ceremony : (12 votes)
    18 %
    We and the officiant wrote most of the ceremony together : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Too complicated, yay for polls! : (4 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Doing a tradtional, by the book Presbyterian wedding service, so there is nothing to write.

    I assume your friend has the credential for the state, etc. in which you are being married?

    Post # 4
    9134 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    We had a friend officiate and we wrote our ceremony together for my first wedding.

    Post # 5
    7310 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    We asked a friend to be our officiant. He was ordained through an internet church for the purposes of performing our ceremony. I wrote the entire ceremony myself, with feedback from Mr. LK. I left a designated spot for our officiant to add a touch if he wanted to, but he chose not to. Full ceremony text here:




    Post # 6
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Our officiant was a family member, and he didn’t write any of the ceremony, though he did give a small, unscripted speech of introduction & congratulations. My Darling Husband wrote the whole ceremony.

    Post # 7
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We hired an officiant based on her website which we found via google search. We were looking for someone non-religious and non-traditional, and we interviewed her before signing. She was *amazing* and dollar-for-dollar was the best use of our wedding budget.  

    We signed her contract about 10 months before the wedding (and good thing we did, too, as she was featured on CNN for doing the first legal gay marriage in DC and has been swamped ever since) and traded emails back and forth till about a month before the wedding. Then we went to coffee with her, and she interviewed us. She took our answers and wrote them into the ceremony, so that even though we were not writing the ceremony, it was 100% personal to us. She made people laugh and cry, and I absolutely could not have asked for better!

    Any DMV Bees in need of an officiant, give her a try, she is just so perfect. Rev Bonnie Berger http://ringinlove.com/ 

    Post # 9
    575 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    My Dad is a Pastor and his ceremony was beautiful. He wanted to walk me down the aisle instead of preparing the ceremony. We ended up picking another Pastor and his ceremony was straight off of About.com. I ended up giving him my Dad’s ceremony which we changed slightly to do. It was very traditional vows, religious tone.

    Post # 10
    5951 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I’ve officiated several weddings because of my acting background and was asked to write the ceremony entirely because I’m also a writer

    Post # 11
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

    My FI’s dad, a pastor, will be our officiant, which is AWESOME.  And he hasn’t done too many weddings (like 1 or 2 now?) so he’s open to our ideas, but he has said he is going to present us with as few decisions as possible, so we don’t get overwhelmed.  I think it will be great – anything we especially want to include or exclude he’ll be totally okay and onboard.  I am excited to start working on it with him!

    Post # 12
    873 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Ours was a friend who also happened to be a Christian pastor.  He wrote all of it but I wanted traditional vows and such, so the only thing he really wrote was the charge to the couple, which was beautiful, and some personal remarks.

    I offered to write it…since he was a good friend I didn’t want to impose, but he volunteered.

    Post # 13
    7310 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    @lolot:  Feel free to steal whatever you like. Trust me, I did the same thing as I found bits and pieces of ceremonies that resonated with me. I had a huge document filled with one liners, sections, concepts, etc. that I wove together to make the ceremony. It was the first project I started about a week after we got engaged, and Mr. Lk finally told me it was time to stop editing it just a week or so before the wedding. Writing our ceremony was my favorite wedding project, hands down. 🙂

    Post # 15
    790 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    We asked my fiance’s best friend to do it. He (fiance, not officiant) and I are writing the ceremony together. We took inspiration (and sometimes stole) from parts of other ceremonies posted online and from passages in the book The Wedding Ceremony Planner. I highly recommend the book if you’re dreading writing the ceremony. It’s much easier to find some passages you like and start to cobble them together and use them as a jumping off point than to start from a blank page.

    I felt so much better once we made this decision. A lot of people on a message board about weddings in the city where I’m getting married highly recommended a particular officiant for brides looking for a secular ceremony. I recently saw a youtube video of one of his ceremonies and I was not impressed! He just kind of rambled generic words about love and how special this day was. That’s not gonna fly for my ceremony! This is a task I would not be willing to give up control of.

    Post # 16
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Our officiant was a retired pastor from my church who is also a neighbor and friend – Darling Husband is athiest so it was nice to have someone religious for me but with whom Darling Husband also has a relationship. 

    Our service was the simplest, most basic Presbyterian vows. Our officiant “wrote” the ceremony (copied it from the Presbyterian Book of Order) including all options for wording and sent it to us. We chose the options we preferred for wording, removed a few words from DH’s vows that were statements of faith he preferred to not make, and sent it back to our officiant, who revised and sent us a fresh copy. 

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