(Closed) Whose family are you closer to?

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: Whose family are you closer to?
    His : (22 votes)
    20 %
    Mine : (65 votes)
    59 %
    Neither : (6 votes)
    5 %
    Equal : (17 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Our families live in the same neighborhood/town, which ROCKS and will continue to ROCK for balancing quality time with them. I can’t say I see it being a problem when we go visit the same home and same place.

     

    I do feel torn sometimes because our families are so different. Mine is loud with younger siblings, and his is quieter with one older sibling. Apples and oranges. Sometimes I have to force myself to stay amongst the ruckus of my family when I just want to flee to his parents’ quieter house! haha. I wonder if maybe he’s the opposite, and feels awkward in your quieter home? It sucks that he doesn’t really want to talk about it, but your frustration makes sense. Your favorite person doesn’t want to be with your other favorite people. I don’t know what to advise other than to keep trying to talk it out without making him feel defensive!

     

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    10454 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’ve always been really close with my family, so he just naturally got sucked in to that too. Since I’ve been an adult, my parents/aunt/grandma are more like my friends so we have an awesome relationship. My fiancé is an only child from a traditional Chinese family, so strict parents, etc. They get along of course but it’s a very different relationship than I have with my parents. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    It’s hard to say.  We spend more time with his, although I don’t get along the greatest with all of them.  They like to go out to eat a lot and hey, so do we! My parents are health freaks after my dad’s heart attack so they only go out to super healthy places, which is fine with me, but my FH won’t eat it. We see my parents at least once a week, sometimes we go a week or two without seeing his but other times we’re with them everyday!

    Post # 6
    Member
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    As far as our immediate families go, I’d say we’re equally close to both. Like you, our parents live in the same town and are about 15 minutes apart.

    I voted that we’re closer to my family because we’re closer to my extended family. My mom’s family all live fairly close to one another (and we used to live about 30 min) and they have parties throughout the year that SO and I would attend together. He’s also met some of my dad’s family on multiple occasions (although I’m not as close with them).

    I’ve only met SO’s extended family on his dad’s side a handful of times, and I’ve never met any of his mom’s family.

    It doesn’t cause problems between us, but it did cause an issue with his immediate family recently. We went to our hometown for Christmas on Saturday the 22nd because I wanted to see some of my girlfriends who were home. The next day (the 23rd…NOT a holiday) he was supposed to travel out of state to my extended family’s party. Apparently his parents (or I’m guessing his mom) were really upset that he “didn’t clear it with them first.” Now…we live together…we are our own social unit, he’s an adult. He should have to clear anything with them. I guess she was complaining that he spends more time with my extended family than theirs….but his family never has parties! We would go to them if they did! Grr…ok sorry to tangent I know this isn’t quite what you were asking, but it really bothered me.

    As for your question…I can see why you would want to spend more together time with you family, but maybe he doesn’t understand because he figures you see them enough on your own. Maybe let him know that while yes, you do see them quite a bit, you would like him to spend more time with them because they’re his family now too. It’s very important to you that he feels equally comfortable around your (now his!) family as you both do around his.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1785 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    We try not to spend too much time with either side, sounds kind of mean but we are really too busy as of late to spend time with them – and they with us. Both sides are doing remodeling projects so they are cut short on time and we are just enjoying being together. We don’t miss any of the drama on either side, it’s actually a very welcoming break.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1920 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @Brooklyn55:  I know what you mean. We bought a house last year (first time moving out of my parents house) and I’m about 35 minutes from my parents. However, we are about 10 minutes away from his. I’m an only child and close with my parents, especially my mom, so the move for me was rough. I’m still just as close to my parents but it is hard because of the distance. Yes, it’s not terribly far but it’s a lot different than it was before. I’m really close to his family too. He’s from a big family, one of 7, and they are all very welcoming. I already feel like I have a second mom 🙂 But it’s definitely harder living further from my parents because my mom and I will have to see what days we are both free to meet up for lunch or whatever. And yes, my fiancé claims he so talkative but when he goes to anything at my parents he is quiet for the most part. He will make small chat but that’s about it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1359 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’m closer to DH’s family.

    I have always been a bit distant with my family, though I try to keep ties with my mom and brother as much as possible. It’s difficult because of the physical distance between us.

    I grew up with DH and know his family well, plus they live about an hour from us, so it’s much easier to visit. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1592 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    As a couple, we’re closer to his. On my own, I’m closer to mine.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9614 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Closer to his, by far.

    Post # 13
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I would say my family.  The only reason we’re closer to my family is because they live down the street and his parents live in a completely different state.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Brooklyn55:  Oh, you should totally expect him to put effort into playing nice with your family. I don’t know if he just flat out isn’t interested, or is uncomfortable with them, or never realized you had that expectation…? Etc..? Unless he’s just being a turd, he must have a reason.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    My poor Dad.  He has four boys, and one girl.  He kept saying while we were growing up…. a son is your son until he gets a wife and your daughter is your’s for the rest of your life.  

    It’s making me tear up, but i’m the one that’s moved so far away.  I think he counted on me being around there forever.   I live, if i get stuck at the one light, 6 min from my MIL (whom I adore), I  live 2.5 hours by airplane from my Dad.    

    Walking into Ma’s house (my MIL) is alot like walking into my parents house growing up, welcoming, music .. and joking around, so proximity we are closer to DH’s family.  

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