(Closed) Whose hometown is the wedding traditionally supposed to be in?

posted 12 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Stick to your guns! I was in the same situation, and luckily, because my Fiance supported me and saw how much it meant to me/how impossible it would be for us to foot the bill for my family going there – I got it in my home town. Good luck!

Post # 18
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

if you want to go to the traditional route – the location is traditionally chosen by the HOSTS – and since traditionally the hosts are the brides family, it is in the brides hometown. nowadays since alot of couples pay for their own weddings they do it in the towns where they live.

bottom line, whomever is paying for the wedding has a say in where it is. if shes hell bent on having something in MD, and shes not paying for it, then fine have her throw a reception for yall after you get married in NY.

its not really up to the Mother-In-Law.

Post # 19
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

As everyone said, traditionally, the wedding and reception is held in the bride’s hometown BECAUSE the bride’s family traditionally hosts (pays) for the wedding.

I’m going to address something else entirely here though.  The fact that Future Mother-In-Law is attaching strings to the monetary contributions that they will be making is a bad bad bad thing.  If you back down and agree to do the wedding in FI’s hometown, she will attach a string to something else so that in the end, she gets the wedding she wants.

Stand your ground now before she takes over completely.

Post # 20
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

^^^^ totally agree with mrs. louboutin!!!

Post # 21
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

OMG I just looked back on these opast threads you started, what a terrible woman you have to deal with!

Is there any way that you and your FH can afford a wedding without her help? I feel like, if that were my case, even if I had a backyard cook out with kegs and wine served it would be better than allowing this woman so much say and bullying power in our relationship. I would probably DIY myself to death, and make sure that I did my damndest to have everyone that matters most to me there.

I’m so sorry your Future Mother-In-Law is such a bully! If you stand your ground, and can make your wedding happen on our terms, and let her know that you want her as a PART of it, thats a good thing. Shes probably having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that, even though he’s her first baby, she has to let go.

Sounds like she needs counseling. I’m sure she loves her son, but her attitude towards his relationship with you is unhealthy. I’m sure her need to control everything comes from fear and insecurity.

All the best wishes…

Post # 22
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

my Fiance and i had this same conversation. i am italo-american, and he’s italian. we live in one city, his parents live 4 hours away in his hometown, and my family lives in seattle. (couldnt get more spread out than that!!) since his entire family (100+) lives in the same city, give or take a few ppl, we agreed to have it here. my close family is way more financially able to travel than his, and why the heck would i want to pay for all those hotel rooms, when i can just have it here and then they all go home! 🙂

traditionally in italy, its in the bride’s hometown, but this time it seemed clear that it was a silly choice to do something so inconvieniente for so many ppl.

not to mention, for medical reasons his grandma’s, dad, or 3 aunts cant fly.

another reason i dont mind, is because about 3 months after our italian wedding, we are flying back to seattle to have a wedding with all of my family (200+)

i know that confrontation is an ugly thing, but why dont you sit down, and talk to your FMIL? maybe she is upset because he “baby boy” is getting married. maybe it doesnt have anything to do with you per se, but with the fact that if you do it in NYC she’s not included.

i hope it all works out for you!!!

Post # 23
Member
1369 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

not sure about “tradition” and “etiquette” but just from the last 3 weddings i’ve been to where the bride and groom were from different states… all three weddings were in the bride’s hometown; (regardless of who paid for it!!)

friend #1 – went the traditional route where her family paid for most; her hubby’s parents paid for their hm n rehearsal, etc.

friend #2 & 3 – 50/50 on both parents and they still had it in bride’s hometown and a second reception dinner in her hubby’s hometown after.

 

Post # 24
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I understand fully going through the same thing his side Victoria my side Ottawa  both side dont want to travel and saying they wont come it at the point I dont care anymore.. my mom is like have 2 weddings and I’m not planning to weddings.. I’m planning it all a lone and one wedding is hard enough 2 weddings in two different places is too hard… so Im doing it here it victoria make more sense we live here!

Post # 25
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

What a sucky situation!!  I know some couples have opted for Destination Wedding when travel was going to be in issue for too many people.  Fiance & I are SO LUCKY that both of our families are from the same town (100% coincidence – we met in NYC!)  WE’RE the only ones that have to travel for the wedding!

Post # 26
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can’t believe what this woman has put you through. 2.5 years and now this??? I hope your Fiance can work something out with his parents. If not, I agree with gcwest about having a small-ish event in NYC. I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair.

Post # 27
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

A wedding is traditionally in the hometown of the bride, and I understand your reasoning that it would be much easier and convienent for your side of the family to have it in NYC.

It sounds to me as if your Mother in law to be is opting to pay for the wedding, but only if it is her way. She seems quite…overbearing and unwilling to listen or compromise. I worry for you that if you give in and have the wedding where she is that it would only be the first thing in a long line where she witholds support unless it’s her way.  What’s next? The venue? The reception? Your dress?

Continuing to fight over this is only going to make you more upset and alienate you and your family members futher. The wedding is your day, and you are being very reasonable with your wishes. If your Mother in law is saying she won’t pay for it…then so be it. Surprise her with being calm and telling her you refuse to fight anymore and you will be paying for it by yourself in order to stop anymore hurt feelings.  It may take a smaller wedding, changed venues, being creative with your money or a longer engagement, but in the long run, it will be your day, and I think you’ll be happier for it.

 

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