(Closed) Whose idea was it for your to get married?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Whose decision was it? Were you surprised? How long together before the decision/proposal?
    my decision : (31 votes)
    12 %
    his decision : (54 votes)
    21 %
    was totally surprised : (18 votes)
    7 %
    was not surprised at all : (48 votes)
    19 %
    we had been together 0-6 mos. : (14 votes)
    5 %
    we had been together 6-12 mos. : (13 votes)
    5 %
    we had been together 1-2 years : (33 votes)
    13 %
    we had been together 3-4 years : (25 votes)
    10 %
    we had been together 5+ years : (20 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    3255 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We were friends for a long time before we dated, and we had both always said we wanted to get married someday. As our relationship progressed, we both just started saying “Someday when you and I are married…” No one really initiated it; it just “clicked” for both of us.

    We had dated for 2 years and been friends for 6 when he asked me to marry him. I was surprised because I didn’t know he had the ring, but I wasn’t surprised at the fact that he wanted to ask me.

    Post # 4
    1269 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I put DH’s idea only because he’s the one who proposed but we talked about marriage since week 4.  I was both surprised and not at the proposal.  I knew that’s where it was going but I was surprised he did it on that vacation, I was wonderfully suprised at the ring he picked out, and I was surprised he didn’t wait until he was done with school. We were together 7.5 months.  He ordered my ring at 4 months.

    Post # 5
    2522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Both of our ideas, I knew he was proposing and we were together for 18 months.

    Post # 6
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee

    It was 100% his decision. We knew we wanted to get married, as we had discussed it in detail a few times. I wasn’t in any rush and didn’t expect a proposal any time soon. I am not the type to rush things that will happen naturally anyway. He had the ring and asked my dad permission approxmiately 4 months after we knew for sure that things we’re heading in the direction of marriage. We were together for over 2 years, and already living together.”Waiting” posts drive me bonkers so I never comment. Don’t rush things, let them happen naturally. There is a reason for everything.

    Post # 7
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I had a very similliar situation as @brideatbeach: we always just ‘knew’ that we would end up married.  The engagement was a surprise, on the day and how it happened, but other than that I had been expecting it =)

    We had been together for 8 years…we started dating at 17.  We are 27 now, and a little over 1 month married =)

    Post # 8
    2018 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    It was mine because I told him when he asked me to move in with him that I would only do so with the understanding that the relationship would have to move forward into a proposal. I wasn’t going to wait for more than a year. He agreed. But I ended up having to prod him a little anyway:)

    Post # 9
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Oh, man, I don’t even know.  I think we originally decided we should get married after talking to some engaged friends of mine, then getting pissed off that same-sex marriage was not allowed (we are both HUGE supporters of same-sex marriage laws).  So we (obviously not seriously) crafted this elaborate plan of making a mockery of heterosexual marriage by having a series of ridiculous weddings and getting them annulled.

    That was after a month or so of dating.  After another month or so, we knew we really did want to be together (even though we – and probably more me than him – had not been looking to get married) and started talking about getting married when we were drunk.  Like, man, we know we want to be together, wouldn’t that really mess with people’s perceptions of us.  Maybe we were high, too, when I talk about it that way.

    Eventually this transitioned into talking about this stuff while actually sober, but point being I have NO IDEA who brought it up first.  I know I was the one who was like “man, if we’re gonna do this, we should do this in the next couple years” but that’s just because I didn’t want to wait until all our friends and relatives had kids to fill up our guest list.

    We were talking about marriage seriously within 6 months of dating, knew we would within less than a year, knew about when within about 18, but didn’t get engaged until we’d been together 2 1/2 years.  I am too weird for these ticky boxes.  😛

    ETA: oh, we didn’t actually have a proposal.  He asked me at one point if I wanted one, and I told him I’d prefer it just be a mutual decision to start calling ourselves engaged.

    Post # 10
    1120 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    I told him early on that I would not move in until we were both sure we wanted to spend our lives together.  We eventually started having conversations about how our wedding would be like ‘if’ we got married.. Then ‘if’ became ‘when’. He would bring up the subject as much as I did, and even went as far as telling people about our plans..

    It was obvious the relationship was serious, but we still had our own places and kept travelling according to a schedule that we had in order to spend all our time together. One day I told him that I was hoping for our living situation to be stabilized by the end of the year. He asked if I needed to be engaged before moving, I said yes. He said he wanted to marry me, but not the next morning, I told him I’d start by moving in, then we can take our time to plan a wedding and aim at being married one year later. He was comfortable with that plan and said ‘ok let’s do this’. We were engaged, bought a ring a few days later and I started moving in during the following week.

    That was 18 months into our relationship.

    Post # 11
    5011 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    We’d bought a house and spoken about our plans in terms of decades, so marriage was pretty much a given. I think I was the first one to explicitly bring up marriage when I won tickets to a wedding show and ended up taking him along (where we spoke about all the family favours we could call in for our wedding).

    By the time he proposed, 10 months later, I was expecting the proposal although he managed to catch me with the actual proposal at a time when I wasn’t expecting it. So I was still surprised. We’d been together 21 months.

    Post # 12
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    lol um… both? I guess he’s the one who actually made it happen though. After we were togethar around 18 months he made it very clear that he was ready to be married (we never had a candid discussion but he hinted strongly). I wasn’t ready and I hinted strongly to that effect and he cooled it on the marriage talk. A little after we hit the 3 year mark I decided I was ready and hinted strongly to that effect, and within a month he was ring shopping. I was not surprised at all because he’s terrible at acting nonchalant. I knew he had the ring and I knew when we were going to get engaged (vacation = obvious). By the time we got engaged (he was waiting for an already-planned vacation) we had been together a little bit over 3.5 years. 

    Post # 13
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We never really “decided” we were going to get married.  It was just kind of something we realized we both wanted and started talking about “when we’re married someday”, etc in conversations.

    He actually made things happen in terms of the proposal (planning, buying ring, timing, etc) without any encouragement and prodding from me and although I had no idea the proposal was coming right then, I knew it was something we both saw in our future.

    We’d been together for close to 2 years when he proposed.

    @brideatbeach: You and I sound very similar!

    Post # 14
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    We talked about marriage on a few occasions and I KNEW I wanted to marry him… but didn’t ever really push the issue.

    Came home one day and he was on bended knee! I was completely shocked!

    We met, dated and were engaged within 10 months…. talk about a whirlwind experience!

    Post # 15
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    WE decided to get married. WE went and looked at rings.

    I wasn’t surprised about the proposal as I knew he had bought the ring. I just didn’t know when he had picked it up or what the wedding band looked like . He actually ended up getting a different and better ring then any of the ones I had suggested. So, the actual proposal I was surprised with.  

    We had been together 6 months and 3 weeks when he proposed. We will have been together 18months when we get married in Nov!

    I’m not a fan of the waiting posts that want to find ways to get him to propose and all of that . Other than those posts I don’t mind the waiting board cause it helped me when I knew he had the ring lol

    Post # 16
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    We started talking about marriage almost from the beginning.   He brought it up early, weeks into it and we were engaged at 5 months.

    We’re both older, were together for over a year at our wedding and I have a 3 year old son that seemed to make us a family much quicker than it would have gone.

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