(Closed) Whose name goes first on STDs and invitations? Also, hosting wording?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Whose name goes first? / How should I word my invitations?
    Bride's name first : (43 votes)
    53 %
    Groom's name first : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Invitation: "Together with their parents..." : (27 votes)
    33 %
    Invitation: "FI's parents cordially invite you... : (1 votes)
    1 %
    Invitation: "FI's parents and Bride's parents cordially invite you..." : (3 votes)
    4 %
    Other (please explain) : (2 votes)
    2 %
    I have no idea what you're asking about, I just like polls : (2 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @fzesguer:  I’m with you and have always gotten invites with the bride’s name first…

    Post # 4
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I *think* the bride’s name goes first since you are not yet married. If you were already married and sending an invitation, your husband’s name would go first.

    For wording, I would just say “Together with their parents”.

    Post # 5
    1573 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @fzesguer:  I’ve always seen invites with the brides name first. As far as wording for the invitation, I like the sound of ‘Together with their parents Jane Doe and John Smith welcome your presence at their marriage…’

    Post # 6
    922 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’ve always seen the bride’s name first, but that’s because most invites I’ve seen the brides’ parents are hosting.  I like “together with their families”.  It’s a more modern wording.  Our STD’s just say Brides Name and Grooms Name are getting married.  No mention of anyone else.  In your case, it doesn’t sound like it really matters who’s name goes first.  The detailed person in me is making sure that everytime there is mention or wording of both our names, that it’s always in the same order and does not flip flop.  So in the ceremony, my name always comes first and I will go first with my vows.


    Post # 7
    384 posts
    Helper bee

    traditionaly the brides name goes first, since you are being traded for ur dowry to the man, also traditionally the brides parents pay for the expense, (since they are marrying off their daughter and getting money/goods aka dowry, for doing so). And lastly since its Your day (kind-of a stupid reason) but makes sense since women fantisize about this day, not the groom (most of the time)

    Post # 8
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I have 6 STDs on my fridge…3 start with the bride’s name, 3 with the groom’s name. So that’s utterly useless! I haven’t thought about what we’ll do yet…

    Post # 9
    57 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    As it was taught to me, when using first names only, the lady goes first (Jane & John), but with a married couple using their last names and titles, the gentleman goes first. (Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.) This is true whether it’s the couple issuing the invitation or if it’s some corespondance being sent to the couple.

    Typing it out makes me realize I have no idea idea if there is a “proper” order for same-sex couples, which is neither here nor there to your question, but has made me curious.

    As for the invitation, I think “together with their parents/families” is best. The precentage of who is contributing what doesn’t really matter.

    Post # 10
    2069 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I never knew there was proper etiquette for these things.

    We did my name first on our save the dates and will do the same on our invites.

    HOWEVER, we are probably doing custom matchboxes with our names on them but I generally go by a short form of my legal name. For that, we are doing his name first because I just think it sounds better with my informal name!

    Post # 11
    3783 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @fzesguer:  Bride’s name goes first on Save the Dates (and on invitation if the couple is hosting the event themselves. If the parents are hosting, traditionally it’s the name of whoever’s parents are hosting the event that will go first) We are going against etiquette rules with the invitation wording. Typically, whoever is hosting (read: paying) for the wedding is listed on the invitations:

    Bride’s parents hosting:

    Mr and Mrs John Smith request the pleasure/honor of your company/presence at the marriage of their daughter, Susie Jane to Jimmy White.


    Groom’s parents hosting:

    Mr and Mrs John White request the pleasure/honor of your company/presence at the marriage of their son, Johnny Richard to Susie Jane Smith.


    Both families hosting:

    Mr and Mrs John Smith & Mr and Mrs John White request the pleasure/honor of your company/presence at the marriage of their children, Susie Jane Smith and Johhny Richard White



    While my parents are paying for everything, I don’t think it’s fair to leave off FH’s parents. So we are using the “both families hosting” wording. I just think it sounds nicer.

    Post # 12
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would look this one up on Emily Post or something along those lines. I believe the woman is first, and you can tell your FMIL it’s along the lines of “Ladies first” mentality.


    For the invite I would structure it like another PP had said;

    Mr and Mrs John Smith


    Mr and Mrs John White

    request the pleasure/honor of your company/presence at the marriage of their children

    Susie Jane Smith and Johhny Richard White

    And again, you can use the ladies first rule here.

    Post # 13
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Together with ther parents bride and groom request the honor of your presence (or pleasure of your company) at their marriage

    Bride’s name goes first on everything

    Post # 14
    341 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I heard that everything before the wedding (invites, stds, anything at the ceremony) should have the brides name first, then after the ceremony (anything at the reception, favors, etc) should have the grooms name first.

    I like it because then we both have a turn for our name/initial to be first (even though my FI wouldn’t care one way or the other).

    Hope that helps!

    Post # 15
    10454 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I have always seen the bride first. 

    Post # 16
    1033 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    The bride’s names go first for things like save the dates. For a formal invitation where everyone is paying, I would say together with our parents. 

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