(Closed) Whose wedding do I go to?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Whose wedding would you go to?
    Very good friend who asked you to be a bridesmaid first : (99 votes)
    75 %
    Brother in Law who you are pretty close to : (29 votes)
    22 %
    try to make it to both (even though there is a 5 hour driving distance) : (4 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    2359 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I would go to your friends that you’ve already said you’d be in it

    Post # 4
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    @RockStar33:  I agree. You’ve already made a commitment to be IN the wedding, never mind at it.

    Post # 5
    7560 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @jb63012:  That’s a tough one but I would stick with the one I’ve been asked to be a part of. Have you told your Brother-In-Law what’s happening? Hopefully they’re sympathetic to your situation. 

    Post # 6
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Well the rule of thumb is… that technically…

    Family trumps non-family

    And Best Friends (especially if you are in the Wedding Party) trumps Other Friends

    Then Acquaintances & Co-Workers would come further down any list.

    So although you’ve said YES to your Girlfriend… even to being in her Bridal Party… I think you now have to find a way to sweetly bow out *

    (Family is FOREVER… even best friends come and go over time… rare is the friend one has at 25 and still at 50… not so much with Brothers In-Law)

    * I take it this all is pretty recent news, so you haven’t bought the dresses etc… the best way to bow out then would be to get together for lunch face-to-face (you buy) and let her know the dilemma you now are faced with… tell her you are sad that the two events overlap but for the sake of family (especially being it is HIS family / inlaws) you don’t see any other solution.  Then remember to buy her a FABULOUS Wedding Present… and if you are invited to any Pre-Wedding Events as a friend (such as a shower… bring along another great present).  And after her Wedding be sure and call her up for drinks / lunch, and tell her how much you missed being there for her… but would love to see the pics, hear the stories etc.

    IF you guys are really good friends (which I assume you are as you were asked to be a Bridesmaid) you guys will get thru this “bump”… it is WHAT YOU DO to make the heart-break less painful for her that truly will make all the difference going forward.

    Hope this helps,


    Post # 7
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee

    …toughie… i also would say family over friends.

    Post # 9
    2951 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    @jb63012:  are you sure that’s what you want to do??

    i wouldn’t even think twice about not going to my friends wedding. 

    She asked first.

    How close are you to your BIL?  I’m not close to mine and he wouldn’t care if I didn’t go as long as his brother goes.

    Post # 10
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I’d go to the friend’s wedding and let hubby fly solo at his bro’s wedding. 

    Post # 11
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would go to my friends and let hubby go to his brothers. Unless you and your brother in law are super super close….

    Post # 12
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think family wins. It certainly wouldn’t send the greatest message of family unity to your in-laws and all the other extended family of his that will expect to be seeing you there. Agree with other posters saying you should your friend down easy, but I hope she will understand. Plus there are so many other wedding-related activities, maybe even offer to host a bridal shower or bachelorette party! And if they’re having a day-after brunch, try to make that!

    Post # 13
    793 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I’m not sure how recent the engagements are, but I will be a little ray of hope and say that if they haven’t booked their venues, maybe one of the dates will change. :] I don’t really have any advice about which wedding to attend, because really it is a no fun situation. 🙁 But maybe everything will work out and they will end up on different days! :]

    Post # 14
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I also vote family over friends. I think it’s reasonable to attend and help with all other wedding-related events for your friend. 

    Post # 15
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I’d go to the friend’s wedding but send your hubby to BIL’s wedding. My family would never expect me to back out of a previous committment due to a scheduling conflict… in my family, whatever you committed to first wins, unless it’s a funeral.

    Post # 16
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hosting a Party or Shower is a great idea (if you can manage it)… sure the Family / Bridal Party would be grateful.

    Another idea, is let her know that even tho you can’t make it… you can be her sounding board… planning a Wedding can be fun, but it also can be stressful.

    Many Brides say they are disappointed at times not to have someone to share it all with… and grateful they have WBee to chat with / vent on.

    Imagine how great it would be to have a REAL LIFE FRIEND to fill that role.  Someone who never tires of hearing about your plans (more so because she doesn’t have to “play nice” as a Bridesmaid)… just an honest to goodness TRUE FRIEND

    You could be that friend.

    Either way…

    Hostess or Sounding Board, I can guarantee you she’ll appreciate it and NEVER FORGET your amazing contribution.


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