Post # 1
Hi, I am new here and had a question for you gals that has been stressing me out a lot lately. One of my really good friends got engaged and asked me to be her bridesmaid and of course I said yes! then two days later, my husband’s Brother got engaged and they both picked the same day to get married (the weddings are 5 hours apart). So which wedding do I go to? The one I already committed to be a part of, or my Brother in laws? Thanks for any replies!
Post # 3
I would go to your friends that you’ve already said you’d be in it
Post # 4
@RockStar33: I agree. You’ve already made a commitment to be IN the wedding, never mind at it.
Post # 5
@jb63012: That’s a tough one but I would stick with the one I’ve been asked to be a part of. Have you told your Brother-In-Law what’s happening? Hopefully they’re sympathetic to your situation.
Post # 6
Well the rule of thumb is… that technically…
Family trumps non-family
And Best Friends (especially if you are in the Wedding Party) trumps Other Friends
Then Acquaintances & Co-Workers would come further down any list.
So although you’ve said YES to your Girlfriend… even to being in her Bridal Party… I think you now have to find a way to sweetly bow out *
(Family is FOREVER… even best friends come and go over time… rare is the friend one has at 25 and still at 50… not so much with Brothers In-Law)
* I take it this all is pretty recent news, so you haven’t bought the dresses etc… the best way to bow out then would be to get together for lunch face-to-face (you buy) and let her know the dilemma you now are faced with… tell her you are sad that the two events overlap but for the sake of family (especially being it is HIS family / inlaws) you don’t see any other solution. Then remember to buy her a FABULOUS Wedding Present… and if you are invited to any Pre-Wedding Events as a friend (such as a shower… bring along another great present). And after her Wedding be sure and call her up for drinks / lunch, and tell her how much you missed being there for her… but would love to see the pics, hear the stories etc.
IF you guys are really good friends (which I assume you are as you were asked to be a Bridesmaid) you guys will get thru this “bump”… it is WHAT YOU DO to make the heart-break less painful for her that truly will make all the difference going forward.
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
…toughie… i also would say family over friends.
Post # 8
@This Time Round: thanks for the responses! I have told both my friend and brother in law the situation and my friend I think guesses that I won’t be going to her wedding. They both just got engaged few weeks ago so I am trying to get everything figured out before they get too far into planning. my husband thinks it’s a given that I will be going to his brothers wedding, but I feel so bad that i have already committed to my friend’s wedding! I know she will be disappointed but it’s definitely not a friendship ending move for us. I will still definitely go to all her pre wedding parties and get her an awesome gift, but I still just feel like it’s not right to back out on her…
Post # 9
@jb63012: are you sure that’s what you want to do??
i wouldn’t even think twice about not going to my friends wedding.
She asked first.
How close are you to your BIL? I’m not close to mine and he wouldn’t care if I didn’t go as long as his brother goes.
Post # 10
I’d go to the friend’s wedding and let hubby fly solo at his bro’s wedding.
Post # 11
I would go to my friends and let hubby go to his brothers. Unless you and your brother in law are super super close….
Post # 12
I think family wins. It certainly wouldn’t send the greatest message of family unity to your in-laws and all the other extended family of his that will expect to be seeing you there. Agree with other posters saying you should your friend down easy, but I hope she will understand. Plus there are so many other wedding-related activities, maybe even offer to host a bridal shower or bachelorette party! And if they’re having a day-after brunch, try to make that!
Post # 13
I’m not sure how recent the engagements are, but I will be a little ray of hope and say that if they haven’t booked their venues, maybe one of the dates will change. :] I don’t really have any advice about which wedding to attend, because really it is a no fun situation. 🙁 But maybe everything will work out and they will end up on different days! :]
Post # 14
I also vote family over friends. I think it’s reasonable to attend and help with all other wedding-related events for your friend.
Post # 15
I’d go to the friend’s wedding but send your hubby to BIL’s wedding. My family would never expect me to back out of a previous committment due to a scheduling conflict… in my family, whatever you committed to first wins, unless it’s a funeral.
Post # 16
Hosting a Party or Shower is a great idea (if you can manage it)… sure the Family / Bridal Party would be grateful.
Another idea, is let her know that even tho you can’t make it… you can be her sounding board… planning a Wedding can be fun, but it also can be stressful.
Many Brides say they are disappointed at times not to have someone to share it all with… and grateful they have WBee to chat with / vent on.
Imagine how great it would be to have a REAL LIFE FRIEND to fill that role. Someone who never tires of hearing about your plans (more so because she doesn’t have to “play nice” as a Bridesmaid)… just an honest to goodness TRUE FRIEND
You could be that friend.
Hostess or Sounding Board, I can guarantee you she’ll appreciate it and NEVER FORGET your amazing contribution.