Post # 1
This may be a silly question and I do hope I don’t get slammed for it. I’m asking because I have never understood this so I hope some of you lovely bees can provide clarification.
Why, as a wedding guest, do you have to give a gift at the shower then again at the wedding? I’ve never understood that. If I attend your shower and buy a gift off the registry, it is for the couple, no? So why then is another gift at the wedding expected?
Post # 3
Its a valid question. I’ve never really thought about it. Its kinda just one of those things that “is what it is” to me. Sometimes I’ll wish I didn’t have to spend so much on people (the ones I don’t even know too well) but I just do it because its what’s expected. There must be some kind of archaic tradition, I just don’t know it.
Post # 4
I personally see the shower gift as just for the bride, rather than the couple, so it never seemed strange to me to give gifts for both. To me the wedding and the shower are separate events, if that makes any sense.
Post # 5
why is a very good question. in the quest for more “stuff” it has become the norm. i try to give a small gift to the bride at the shower and a larger gift for the couple at the wedding. I always hope they’re spaced far apart!
Post # 6
I believe it is regional. I live in Kentucky and it is the norm to purchase either a shower or a wedding gift. To purchase both would give the impression they are going overboard.
Post # 7
The norm for my family is to buy a gift for the shower and give cash for the wedding. Reason being that the shower is to set up house and home (thats why you get pots and pans and linens), and the wedding money is to “start you off right” or something. It just is what it is. 🙂
Post # 8
Well I believe it you were a guest at both functions, you deserve to give them a gift for both. After all showers are very expensive to throw as well!
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
If I am invited to a shower and wedding for a friend, I usually take gifts off their registry to the shower and a card/check to the wedding.
Post # 10
They are two separate events and therefore two separate gifts.
I guess I could kind of compare it to this: Let say you have a child who is born in mid-December. You’d still say that they deserve to get both birthday and Christmas presents right? Even though the events are close together and the presents are for the same person? I don’t think you’d argue that those two events shouldn’t have seperate presents so why shouldn’t a shower and a wedding?
Post # 11
@MissBuffalo: I don’t think the cost of the shower is relevant since the bride and groom aren’t footing the bill for the shower. If cost played a role, it would be more logical to buy gifts for the BMs since they are paying for the shower.
I think this is regional, or to drill down even farther, based on what is normal within a certain family. For my family, the shower is a way for guests that won’t make it to the wedding to celebrate. Those guests usually buy off the registry and that is the only gift the bride and groom will receive. The bridal shower guests that will be attending the wedding as well either purchase off the registry or purchase something specifically for the bride. At the wedding those guests will bring a card with or without money for the bride and groom….and in rare cases..a gift off the registry. We normally don’t do double-gifts. We view the wedding celebration as encompassing ALL events: bridal shower, bachelor(ette) party, and ceremony and reception. So it’s one gift for the entire celebration.
Post # 12
@Mrs.KMM: I understand what you mean but a birthday and christmas are two different occasions so I understand the 2 gifts in that instance. A wedding shower and a wedding are related to the same occasion, so I don’t think this example applies. If at the shower I give, linens or whathaveyou, it’s for the couple, for their home. At the wedding, I give them $ for the couple again. Why? Don’t get me wrong, I do it but I don’t get it.
Is the same done for babies when they are born versus when the shower is held? I don’t think it’s expected in the same way that if you attend a baby shower with gift, you will send an additional gift once the baby is born. Same occasion, same people, same baby. Another gift?
Post # 14
I think the shower gift is to shower the bride and the wedding gift is for congrats and thanks for having us!
As for the baby shower and when the baby is born I dont think is good comparison because unless they are throwing a HUGE dinner party when the baby is born they are different.
Post # 15
Future KMM said it right — two separate events and thus two gifts.
@ Casey KM — My mother-in-law gave me a gift at the shower, but not at the wedding. Do you think she meant my electric fryer to be a gift for both?
Post # 16
I told my family/friends who came to my shower to please not buy another gift for the wedding. Most of them probably will anyhow, but I certainly do not expect it, one gift is plenty.