(Closed) "Why 30 is not the new 20"….thoughts? (TED Talk)

posted 7 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 17
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8036 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@bmo88:  Yeah, I definitely agree with that. Like retirement savings and money management for example… I think a lot of people in their 20s take it for granted and don’t realize that starting early means a MUCH easier path to retirement.

Post # 18
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1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

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@bmo88:  It’s a good point, but I certainly don’t know any people like that.  almost all of my friends got married in their late 20s or early 30s, but their relationships leading up to that were not throwaway. myself included.

but I do have to say that in my 20s, I didn’t want to get married ever. I did want to be in long monogamous relationships, but I could not handle the idea of one person forever. of course that changed since I’m happily married now.

as for other lifestyle choices, I really enjoy being able to go out and have fun with my friends, and travel wherever / whenever I want.  so yeah, I admit I have a bit of the peter pan syndrome going on, but whatever, I’m having fun. and since we’re not planning on having kids, then I see absolutely no rush whatsoever in putting a stop to that fun.

I’m in a loving committed marriage now, and our careers could not be better. so no regrets for me!

Post # 20
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1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@bmo88:  A lot of people did not actually watch the talk, lol. I enjoyed this TED talk. I agree with a lot of what she said, though I had never thought about it that way before! I consider myself fortunate- I went to a great college, went to law school, and I’m an attorney now at age 26 launching my career. That doesn’t mean I didn’t have fun- studying abroad, traveling, etc- I did that too! But sometimes I take it for granted- I could definitely work on me personally more, work on marriage before our marriage, be more intentional, etc. I have some friends who are using their 20s as “throw away” years. In particular, a really good friend of mine is the same age and we went to highschool together- she started college right out of high school… takes a semester off every now and then… waits tables… and now she has been in college off and on for 8 years and no degree yet. I don’t like saying that she is behind, but she is kinda behind.

Post # 22
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463 posts
Helper bee

Does anyone actually think, or worse encourage others to think, of ANY part of their lives as a “throwaway”?! That sounds like a massive straw man to me.

Post # 23
Member
576 posts
Busy bee

I can’t watch the video at the moment,  but based off summary I agree very much!

I’m considered very young, I’m 23. However I’ve been very responsible for a while. I’ve consistently had a job since I was 13. I take care of my father with several health conditions. I work part time/sometimes full time. I go to school full time(and maintain academic scholarships) . I just bought a house with my SO. 

And it aggravates the hell out or me when others tell me to ‘slow down, don’t rush to grow up, you have plenty of time,’ It comes off as condescending to me. I am ‘grown up’ and I am doing what makes me happy! So what, I should abandon my responsibilities to fit a more culturally appropriate view of ‘enjoying youth’? Sorry but that’s some steaming poo right there!

As far as people marrying young, marriage/children doesn’t make you a grown up, being a responsible individual to the best of your ability does. People are ready/meet the right person at different ages. Marriage isn’t a qualifier for adulthood in my opinion, more like an optional feature.

 

Post # 24
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1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@bmo88:  I am only just getting into this part of my life (Im just 20 years old right now!) but I see people older than myself, whom I grew up with, went to school with or my brothers grew up with, just tossing all the money the make. There is no networking, only drunken socialising, there is no saving, only spending, there is no future, only “YOLO” (UGH I hate hate hate that statement right there, another rant…)

They have crappy part-time jobs and spend the entire lot on booze, trips, booze, roadtrips to get to more booze, big cars they can’t afford and they scrape by making rent. Fiance and I have very set goals, I am setting up my career (no degrees, I will study on the job once I reach a certain level position) and once I have Fiance will start his (apprenticeship-tradesman path, so we need me to be stable).

So our plan goes: me getting a stable job in a stable environment – wedding – house – Fiance starts his new career path – saving – family.

I want this to all happen before I am 30, easy. I am determined to put in the hard work now to build a great foundation for us. The end goal isn’t having a family, or buying a house, or getting a job – its providing a rounded and full life we can reap the benifits of later.

Post # 25
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6354 posts
Bee Keeper

Who the heck lives life wanting to “throw away” a whole decade?

And who the heck wants 30 to be “the new 20”? I’m in my early 30s now… not much different than my late 20s… but WAY better than my early 20s. And finally, who pats 20 year olds on the head? Seems like a dangerous sport.

Her premise just makes no sense. Does she think life is some kind of race with mileposts we all have to hit? That you can be “ahead” or “behind” other people with completely different lives and dreams from your own? Perhaps it’s she who’s “thrown away” years of the potential to gain insight that each person’s life is her own, and one person’s “getting serious” is meaningless, or even a hell on earth, to another person.

Post # 27
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6354 posts
Bee Keeper

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@bmo88:  synopsis. I actually dislike video anything (too slow) and especially TED talks =/ (with some few exceptions).

Seems really hard to imagine that she understands that everyone has complete freedom to choose their own goalposts AND their own pace, with the premise described in the text.

Post # 28
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1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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@joya_aspera:  Unfortunately this is drummed into us, my entire generation has the habit of thinking like this and it is HARD not to. But we are also told to “live it up” when young, its looked down upon to have kids before 30, to buy a house before 30, to get married before 30. I love the idea of having more options, but we have moved from looking down on older brides/mothers to looking down on younger brides/mothers.

Post # 30
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6354 posts
Bee Keeper

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@bmo88:  So, in those instances, she is assuming that people’s goalposts are 1. Highest lifetime earning possible 2. Get into a permanent monogamous relationship as soon as possible.

You could imagine that these are not the top two priorities for many people, right? And for some people, one or both are not even on the list. 

Looking at her first goal, there’s a huge range of how much people focus on in terms of income generation. Taking myself as an example, it is only a mid-level priority. I’m proud to say I work to live, not live to work. And Edward Snowden, for example, clearly isn’t putting that high on his list whatsoever, having knowingly thrown away his high-paying career for a life on the lam (if he’s lucky) because of his other, higher-priority goals.

Looking at her second goal, she may find it baffling if I told her that I’m glad I didn’t meet my Fiance earlier. None of the guys I dated before Fiance were suitable husbands for me, but I gained so much from each of my relationships. I don’t regret them and I wouldn’t take back that time to spend it on more “marriageable” prospects. And, frankly, while I will be (very happily) getting married, it was never something I had felt I “HAD” to have in my life. Marriage is not for everyone. Some people couldn’t stand it! I have an uncle who’s a happy “lifelong bachelor.” He really likes his independence and the benefits of living alone. Her second goal would not only not be on his priority list, but a hell on earth for him.

She appears not to realize that she is assuming that the rest of the human population has the same goals and wants to reach them at the same pace as she does… and she appears not to realize that people could value things she sees as a complete waste of time (hobby that will never generate revenue, boyfriend that you know you’ll never want to marry, etc.) Because of these limitations to her perspective, she sees people growing in different directions than herself, and perceives them to be floundering.

(There is real floundering…and we know it when we are floundering, because however “successful” or not we may look according to an external checklist someone else wrote, we feel the pain of increasing distance from our true goalposts… but she doesn’t seem to understand things at this level. She’s just got her own checklist and trying to score everyone else on it.)

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