Post # 1
I didn’t want to threadjack another post, but I was surprised about all the negativity about having only one child. I am an only child and I have several good friends who are only children and I have never understood why people think it is such a bad thing. Not just on this forum, but people are always saying how only children will be: lonely, mal-adjusted, socially awkward, etc.
Yes, we have never had a bond with a sibling, but my mom and aunt hate eachother- so I know having a sibling is no guarentee of a close relationship. I understand if only having one child does not fit with your vision of what a family should be, but having only one child is not “sad”. Many of us are glad about being only children. It has always bothered me that it is such a prevalent societal perception. I’m sure many of you have stories about how your Fiance, best friend, boss, blah blah blah are sad that they are only children, but how many people do you know who don’t get along with a sibling? Ok end rant.
Post # 3
I’m in a little bit different of a situation. My husband has a son from his first marriage who is 4. My bonus son is with us every day, but does have entire weekends with his Mom, and a couple entire weeks. So both of them will have a sibling but at times also lead only child lives.
Even if my bonus son didn’t exist, I don’t think we would have more than one. I don’t see anything negative by not providing a sibling (and I’m close with mine).
Post # 4
@eeniebeans: I know what you mean. I’m not an only child and I do NOT get along with my one and only sister who is only 2 years older than me. My Fiance has 3 other siblings (2 brothers and 1 sister) and they get along fabulously! This has been an issue when talking about having future children. He wants 3 or 4 children so they can have the bond that he has with his siblings but I argue that you cant guarantee that bond will exist!
Post # 5
I’m an only chld and this has always bothered me. Anyone who thinks that only having one kid is not really a “family” is, well… clueless. It doesn’t even really make sense to me. I’ve never wanted a sibling and I don’t miss this fancy “bond” that people keep referring to. I know lots of siblings who don’t really seem to care for each other. Infact, my relationship with my best friend (who is the closest thing to a sister that I have) is better than some of these blood relationships that I see now a days.
Most only children don’t feel like they’ve missed out on anything so please, save your sympathy for someone else. My childhood was anything but “sad”. Being an only allowed me to experience many things that my friends with siblings never would have been able to. I always had friends around growing up so finding someone to socialize with was never an issue. Up until middle school, most of my “best friends” were also only children so we spent a lot of time together.
We only plan to have one child. DH has a brother and has expressed interest in our child having a sibling bond but I think he’s over that now. He’s fine with us only having 1 so obviously this “bond” isn’t that terribly important.
Post # 6
Amen! I wished all the way up until I was about 16 that I was an only child, and to this day, my brother and I still only talk once a month or so and we work for the same company! My son will be my only biological child (getting a bonus daughter from FI), but I’m happy about it. He’s outgoing, strong willed, intelligent, and I don’t worry about him being lonely. The time he spends at playschool and with friends and family on the weekends/after school is more than enough for him to socialize with children his own age, so I have no worries for him going forward. FI’s daughter is an only child as well, and she is the same way. Outgoing, super smart, and has a circle of friends a mile wide. There are some people who won’t cope well with the situation, but it’s a genetic crap shoot and certainly not a reason to have more kids just so you can avoid it.
Post # 7
I’m also an only child. I think my biggest gripe with others is they think we are “spoiled” automatically. I HATE THAT! Spoiled for attention maybe, but not with material things. My parents are good hardworking people who have taught me to do the same. I’m not socially unadjusted. I love my family (as small as it is) and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Post # 8
I think like anything else, there are positives and negatives for having a sibling or not. But it’s impossible to say what could have happened (like, what if you wouldn’t have gotten along with your sibling).
Post # 9
I’d never say a family of mom, dad, and one child is incomplete. I wouldn’t even say a family of husband and wife is incomplete.
I do want my kids to have siblings, though. I love that I have my sister and brother. They’re the greatest gifts my parents could have possibly given me. Even though everything sucks between me and my brother, and even if we never reconcile, I love that he’s a part of who I am. I want to give that to my kids.
I think, though, there are benefits for only children. I wouldn’t consider my child unfortunate for not having siblings if I was blessed with one child. I would consider him or her fortunate in other ways. It would be a fantastic opportunity for my Fiance and I to save more money for our child’s future, to go on more vacations, to have more energy to devote to actively parenting, etc.
I’ve actually almost exclusively had experience with spoiled only children, sorry. I don’t think it’s part of being an only child, I just think parents in our society tend to spoil their kids and only children get a huge dose of spoiling while kids with siblings get the spoiling split up. In the end, we’re all spoiled brats, only one of us is a spoiled brat whose parents can afford to take us to Disneyland or send us to private school. So in my opinion, questionable parenting results in spoiled children either way but the most obvious example is the only child whose parents can spend on one child what other parents spend on three.
Post # 10
I couldn’t agree more. At this time, I’m planning on one child. My sister is 6 years younger than me (and FI’s brother is 8 years younger than him). I’ve not been close to my sister until very recently (and I wouldn’t even say we are close now, we just are at a point in life we can relate more to each other) and my Fiance is not close to his brother. While I think it may have something to do with the large age difference, we have decided that we think 1 is a good number for us. However when people find out that I only want one child, people always say to me well what if you die (morbid much)? They won’t have any family but their sibling. My father had a brother who died when he was ~40 and my mothers brother lives in a foreign country, so even though they have/had siblings, they won’t really have “anyone” once their parents are gone. I tend to disagree with this analogy though as my parents each have their spouse as well as their children when their parents pass. But thats just my 2 cents.
Post # 11
No hate here. Like I said in the other thread, DH and I are on the fence about having more than one. I think there are pros and cons to both situations.
Post # 12
I would have personally been fine raising my daughter as an only child. My husband was an only child and didn’t like it, so he’s happy she’ll be getting a sibling. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being an only child, but I do know a few who still have issues (as adults) with sharing! My husband was a lonely child. But he also lived in a very isolated country town with no kids nearby. I think if extra effort is made to not spoil and get your kids out with other kids (if other families don’t live close), it’s perfectly fine and a non issue. And even having siblings doesn’t mean immunity to being spoiled or lonely.
Post # 13
I have no issues with only one child in a family. My DH and I both have siblings. He gets along with his siblings. Myself, it is like I am an only child. My brother and I don’t have a relationship. As of right now we have an only child but down the road would like to have one more child. Both myself and DH want this and have nothing to do with not having an only child.
Post # 14
I have always wanted a big family because i come from a big family (well, medium to big by todays standards) I have 3 sisters and we all get along. Sure we bicker like it’s our job, but there are never any real grudges or hate. My mom is one of 7 and and all my aunts/uncles have at least 3 kids. I always wanted 3 kids. Fiance only wants 2. And i could live with that
However, lately I have been considering only having one child. I’ve been weighing the pros and cons. And like some I worry that an only child might be lonely. So thank you for starting this thread, it’s nice to see a different perspective.
Post # 15
Im an only child, and I think I’m more outgoing and independent because of it! My parents got me a dog and I was always making friends with people! FI is also an only child and we are both really close with our parents. Both of our parents have siblings my parents are not close to theirs. My moms sister was a crazy person (lots of problems with drugs etc. not safe to be around) and my dad is one of 6 and none of them are close.
I always wanted a bigger family, but after all the drama and issues and selfishness I have seen with FIs moms side of the family (not his mom, I love his mom she is so great!) I am really glad to have my parents and my small family! FIs Aunt has 3 kids who are obnoxiouss and spoiled in the bad way! Because of how they are I am thinking we may only want to have 1!
Post # 16
I’ve always wanted to have more than one child–but not because I think anything bad about only children–because I grew up with siblings and even though we got on each other’s nerves–it’s nice to have that bond. My sister and I are friends, too, we hang out in the same circle.
Interestingly enough, my three serious relationships have all been with men who are only children. And they are all so different! None of them were spoiled. None of them have problems sharing. I’ve experienced spoiled only children/adults, as well as spoiled children/adults who are the youngest in their families.
But my husband wants us to have 2 children because he felt like he missed out on the sibling experience and wants our child to have that. I do, too. Even though I’ve been wavering on it because 1) I’m not enjoying pregnancy and 2) kids are expensive!