(Closed) Why all the pressure to be engaged???

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@jaybird12:Personally? No.  But that’s probably because my Fiance and I have always seen each other as married, just without the legalities that went with it (aka paperwork/ceremony).  We act like a married couple and think like a married couple (usually… there are a few slip-ups on BOTH our sides on occassion, but nothing major).  Our friends go from being married to single to divorced to dating.  Soooo, we don’t really see the whole thing as “engaged” or “single” or “married”.  We love our friends as people and don’t put ALL the emphasis on their marital status.  Of course, we also have two kids, which adds a fun dynamic to A LOT of things, lol.

I do know this happens though, when people go from high school to college, single to dating/engaged/married.  It’s all about where they are in life.  

To me, I’d think it has more to do with her mind being on the engagement, wedding, and change to married life.  You, however, are still going to college (if I read that right?) and aren’t “settling down” like she and her now-fi are.  It’s kinda like when you graduate high school and some friends go to college and others enter the workforce while you’re stuck in limbo.  (if that makes any sense?)

I’d say suggest hanging out with her and the girls and not talking about weddings, engagements, or stuff like that and do things you BOTH love doing.  That might help lessen the gap. 🙂  maybe meet for dinner and a movie or something?

Post # 4
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It might be the engagement issue, but I have to say I drifted from my college friends after graduation too – it’s normal.  Yes, it’s sad to outgrow friendships and realize some folks you thought would be lifelong friends are just time/place friends, but it happens.  If you want to keep the friendship, you have to figure out how much effort to invest in trying to keep it going. People change over time and friendships need to grow and change with them.

Anyway, you would all know better than I, being engaged yourselves…did you experience anything like this with your friends?  Btw, you posted in the wrong section if you wanted to talk to engaged women. 

Post # 5
3305 posts
Sugar bee

Samw sort of thing happens when you have babies and other people don’t. These type of life changing events also can cause changes in friendships. Don’t take it too personal- we all will or have gone through the same thing.

Post # 7
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@jaybird12:  First of all, you figure out who your true friends are based on the ones you keep in touch with after school.   14 years after graduating from high school, my four best friends and I still get together all the time.  13 years after college, my best friend from college and I are still as close as ever.   You realize who you actually have a deep and meaningful friendship with and who was a good friend because certain commonalities threw you together.

Second point, your friend is focused on one thing and one thing only…her wedding.  Fair enough to an extent, but definitely not a reason for you to feel pressured to get married.   You sound much more sensical about things than she does; she sounds a bit immature to be honest. 

It’s ok to grow apart, that’s part of growing up.   You are only in your early 20s I’m guessing and you still have a lot of life changes that are going to occur for you.   Some of your friends will remain with you, others won’t.    As you grow and mature, things will change and with that friendships will come and go.  It’s always a bit sad bu it’s a part of life.  

Post # 8
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that friends change as your status changes. For instance when you’re in a relationship, you tend to hang out with other couples. Then when you’re engaged it’s easier to relate to women who are planning a wedding or have planned a wedding. Then when you’re married it’s easier to have friends who are buying houses and having babies. The same thing once you have kids. It’s hard for your non-kid friends to understand that you can’t just go out at 9pm, because you need a sitter and stuff. It’s just a change in lifestyle during each one of these steps.

Post # 9
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I think sometimes you may have a hard time relating to some friends, but not all. I know there are different “stages” in life (as if they are still stages when you  are older,LOL), but people go through them at different times. My non-married friend and I (a waiting bee)bought houses last year and my married friend didn’t. We could still relate to her. My other friend got married in 2009, and my other friend and I are not engaged,we still related to each other and still hang out.

I think if a person is your friend, a real one, not just an associate, they will be your friend regardless.

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