Post # 1
So it’s high time I joined, having been a lurker for a little while 😉 i think I’m officially ‘waiting’ as we’ve discussed timelines and have decided to start saving for a ring and a wedding!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, 4 of which have been university and we will be in the second year of living together this summer. We have a really amazing relationship, very honest and loving – we’ve worked hard to create a good balance and are so happy together!
As both of us are starting our first jobs/incomes this winter, we don’t feel ready to commit to marriage until we’re more financially stable and used to being a couple working full time (studenthood has spoiled us!).
I know this is totally sensible and I agree 100% with it but at the same time I also fully admit I am having crazy thoughts! I have no reason at all to believe we won’t get married as we’ve planned and yet I have this irrational fear that he won’t be sure enough to marry me!
He’s given me no reason to feel like this apart from not being ready right this instance, so I feel ridiculous! I’ve known heartbreak before and been through the ‘I will never find anyone like my ex again’ and I know it’s not true, but even with insight I honestly believe I’d never have nor want this relationship with anyone else but my current boyfriend. I’m trying to stop myself probing him so much about our future because he’s already expressed he’s starting to feel a little stressed by it.
Why am I finding it so hard?? We’re still young and in no rush (24) and things are definitely moving in that direction so why is my mind playing tricks on me like this?
Post # 2
It is natural, especially if you have been dating for a while. Around 24 all of your friends start to get married too. You said yourself that you don’t feel quite ready yet. What does your timeline look like?
Post # 3
cinnamonster : because you’re not sure he really will marry you! You would get engaged right now but he will not… After all, being engaged does not mean you have to get married next week. Its the public commitment to get married in the future. You’re not crazy, you’re right to have concern after 5 years and no ring.
Post # 4
bee45678394 : We’re basically only waiting until we mentally feel more like adults – at the moment we already live like a married couple but feel like children as we’re still technically students and also dependent financially on our families. In the UK it’s quite unusual to get married as a student (unless the couple is religious).
He’s convinced that we will be ready very quickly once we move into the next stage of our life so our timeline is probably engagement within the next year or so. He’s taking me to look at rings for one of our date nights soon so he has more of an idea of what to budget in that respect 🙂
Post # 5
I don’t really think uni years count in term of waiting. If you get together at 26 and are still waiting 5 years later it’s one thing but you’re still so young! Sounds like things are moving in the right direction so try relax.
Real life post uni can be tough, jobs can take you in different ways geographically and keep you really busy, you have more money to figure out, less time. Give yourselves a bit of time to figure it all out 🙂 plus you’ll have more money to spend on the wedding!
Post # 6
cinnamonster : I just wanted to say that you sound very level headed and mature. You know that uni is not real life and you know that you need to learn to adjust to real life on your own and also together. It sounds like you are approaching this in a sensible way, you know you want to marry each other, you know it wil happen but waiting is a killer and can drive the most sane, mature, level headed woman a bit loopy. My SO and I browsed rings on Friday but it doesn’t feel real because part of me feels like it is too good to be true. Our minds can play tricks.