(Closed) Why am I depressed about getting married?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think cold feet is common unfortunately. 🙁 I’m having issues too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love him, but the idea that this is a HUGE, major, life changing, can’t take it back, forever thing…that’s a pretty big deal and having that in the back of your mind, even if you are 100% confident in this decision, happy and love this man – that can make anyone feel uneasy. I feel so guilty often for having these feelings, and I question it and wonder why too. It’s a terrible feeling, but I think most women experience something similar to this. Wish I could help you more… :-/

Post # 4
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

What is making you sad?  The thought of being with your Fiance forever, moving, leaving your parents?

I think everyone gets a little nervous/anxious before such a big life step.  I’d talk to him about how you’re feeling!  It may make you feel better, and who knows, maybe he feels anxious too.

Post # 5
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My fiance and I both get this way at times. We argue and talk about it and then that’s all it takes. We just need to reconnect and talk and we’re ok. It has happened a few times but all due to the stress of our jobs and only seeing each other for about 2 hours a day during the week. I’ve considered moving back home a few times and have busted at the seams too. Don’t keep it bottled up. I have learned that it will eventually just spew out and won’t come out the way you want it to. Talk to him and let him know that he IS The One but you’re nervous and scared. You’ve been together this long and marriage will change your relationship again (from what I’m told). It is really only a legal thing and if it were still recognized, we’d probably just go for common law marriage. (assumed marriage but not really married, with legal benefits but no big to do involved).

Post # 6
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have the same date as you and have definitely been thinking the same thing lately!  I think, for me, its…and I know this may sound cheesey…but realizing this this whole experience, one most girls dream of their whole lives, is here and in 4 months it will be over!  I love this whole planning process and putting together a big party and a big day with such importance!  Sometimes I think “what now?” for after the wedding day haha.  What do I fall asleep dreaming about and running different scenarios through my head through out the day 🙂

Sorry for the cheeseyness!

Post # 7
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’d recommend having a look at http://www.consciousweddings.com or the book, The Conscious Bride. It’s very good at explaining why being engaged is not always rainbows and sparkles 🙂 And yes, it’s normal!

Post # 8
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I definitely had moments of feeling sad and having “cold feet.” My husband is a very understanding person, so it helped to talk to him about it. Everyone is different, but I attributed my sadness to the enormity of the change. I tend to get a bit down right before experiencing a big life change (am going through it right now as I face graduating from graduate school and moving to a new city). I think I was sort of “mourning” the past, which I feel is healthy. I was super excited to marry my husband, but part of me was sad about losing my single self, even if it was silly because I’d still be the same old me, only with a new piece of jewelry and a wicked tax break. Plus, you’re expending all of this energy in wedding-planning, and it’s hard to contemplate losing that energy, even if it drives you up the wall sometimes.

You’re not alone to feel this way.

Post # 9
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It is normal!  It’s a huge life decision and honestly, I would be suprised if there were brides out there who didn’t have one fleeting thought or one doubt about their decision.  In part, you are saying that you would give up things for him by getting married.  I had to give up working for almost a year and thankfully I finally have a job offer but I was really starting to wonder there.

Maybe you should try and figure out what is making you sad.  Is it something in particular that you can talk about and work out?

Post # 10
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hmmmm…maybe you just need to set aside the wedding planning stuff for a week or two, and just concentrate on spending quality time with your FI? It might just be that unconsciously you are feeling disconnected to your Fiance or maybe feeling lonely in some undefinable way. While I have been getting increasingly anxious (I am certain I’m going to look like a big, giant white whale on my wedding day and everyone will be whispering about how hideous I am, not how beautiful!), I am not experiencing depression. We all handle the pressure differently. Maybe its just that the pressure is starting to be on, things need to be done- and when everything is done, wedding planning will be DONE. We’re in transitory periods in our lives where we’re moving from what we know (wherever our relationships are now) into the unknown (marriage, babies? moving? new jobs? having to own up to adulthood? etc.). That’s a lot on its own, but then we’re all in pressure cookers of planning- having to make decisions while working/going to school/living/etc.

 

Post # 11
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i’m sorry you’re feeling off.  is the anxiety about the relationship itself or the idea of marriage?  sometimes wedding planning is just a lot of pressure and can make you doubt your decisions.  but do you still want to be with your partner?

Post # 12
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Stress can do crazy things to your emotions.  I have mini-freak-outs and “sads” quite frequently.  But I also have a lot of happy experiences.  I was SOOO happy the night I got engaged, and I know my fiance and I are the right match.

I think this is just an emotional period.

Post # 13
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am feeling the same way…. almost to the point of calling the whole thing off! I-AM- SO- STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 14
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i think its normal to get cold feet. I have had times where i question if we are ready to get married, but we talk it out and i’m sure this is what i want. I think it has helped that we will have 2 and a half years between engagement and wedding.

Post # 15
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I haven’t had cold feet. But getting married is a huge “grown up” life step that is making me feel a little wistful for when I was younger and wasn’t concerned with things like merging finances, starting a family and real estate markets. The feeling is similar to when I turned 30. A little sad that part of my life is gone. But then I think of having this wonderful man by my side for all of these future decisions (and silliness and fun times, too) and I feel better.

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