Post # 1
I posted another thread a few days ago about FI’s dad….he has cancer and it seems like it’s getting worse. There’s a chance he won’t be able to make it to our wedding.
Here’s the thing: we were planning a destination wedding. We wanted to be surrounded by just our family. However, ALL of his family members are pretty much up in the air about their attendance. Our guest list:
His mom (who, unfortunately, he isn’t close with. She hasn’t let us know if she’s coming.)
His bro/sis-in-law/nephew (bro is active duty military. We don’t know if he can get leave. I don’t know when we’ll know.)
My mom/dad/grandma (coming for sure.)
Now all of a sudden I feel like we’re put in the place of spending our $5-8k wedding budget on a wedding that may have three guests…all my family. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to spend $2000 on a wedding coordinator for us and my 3-person family. That’s silly and ridiculous. It totally misses the point of what I wanted, which was to share the day with OUR loved ones and combine our families. I want a wedding, I really do, but if his family can’t/won’t be there, I’d just as soon go to the courthouse.
We can move the location to CT where his dad is…but we’d be postponing it by another 6 months or so (if we keep the outdoor/beach wedding we want)….and there’s no guarantee that he could be there even if we moved it and even if we kept our date.
We can expand the guest list to friends….but it would be mostly (if not all) MY friends. His closest friend is his brother; other than that, he’s an introvert who’s done a lot of moving. He has some friends, but I don’t know that any of them are close enough to be willing/able to go to a Destination Wedding. I don’t want that option either – great, MY family, a handful of MY friends (most of whom I’ve grown apart from too, so who knows if it would even be a handful)….my Fiance by his lonesome. Eek.
I don’t even want to look at my wedding stuff or dress websites or any of it anymore. I have no clue what to do. FI’s response is basically “I don’t know either.” Maybe I should just give up on my beach wedding and flowers and fancy dress.
Post # 3
I’m sorry – that’s really tough. I think you and your Fiance need to find out what your top priorities are and that will help you make the decision. For me, I would want all of our immediate family members to be in attendance – no matter what. I would give up all the “details” (the season, location, etc) that I originally wanted to make sure everyone could be there. That being said, we are both very close to our families.
Unfortunately there are no easy answers though. Ultimately it’s a decision you have to make with your Fiance. Good luck!
Post # 4
The problem is that we can’t make sure Father-In-Law will be there…unless we, say, get married this weekend. Planning for next year leaves open the possibility that he won’t be able to make it.
That said…maybe we can move up the date. His brother will be on leave in June and will be in CT. If my family could go out there, we could do it then. We may just have to delay the honeymoon depending on how much vacation time we both have from work. Hmm…can I plan a wedding in 3 months?
Post # 5
planning a wedding in three months is def possible, as long as you go with the attitude of keep it simple. I.e instead of ordering a dress, buying off the rack. I think it would be a good idea to reconsider a destination wedding.. and do something differant.
But I think you def need to discuss it with FH.
Post # 6
I completely agree with ccranetobe. Planning a wedding in three months would be possible 🙂
Post # 7
This is really tough. My FH’s family won’t be there either but we are having 50 people, hopefully his Boyfriend or Best Friend from England and his fiance will be included in that. To me, the courthouse thing makes sense if you really don’t want to do it anymore. But I also think it’s possible to put a wedding together quickly as long as you are willing to compromise on the venue. Everything will be booked up so I’d look into doing a local park wedding or a national park wedding. We are having our ceremony on a budget of 5K and doing it in my parent’s backyard. We haven’t gotten the ball rolling yet and we are 8 months out. Do what makes you happy and will cause you the least stress.
Have you thought about having a destination wedding for just you two? FH and I thought about doing that when we found out his family wouldn’t be attending.
Post # 8
I think we’ve got it. 🙂 I talked to Fiance, fully expecting him to tell me he was crazy, and he liked the idea. I talked to my mom and my family is willing and able to go out there. She even said she liked the idea better than our initial Destination Wedding because this one will be much more personal and “us”. We can still do a beach wedding and it’ll be beautiful. I’m hopefully an average enough size that I can buy a dress off the rack and my friend’s mom already said she would alter it. FI’s just going to find out exactly when his bro will be around so we can set a date. I’m thinking if we do it during the week, we’ll have a better chance of booking everything.
I think we’ll keep our honeymoon in January because we’ll need time to save for it. Plus, I only have four vacation days to use before July 1 (fiscal year. Silly work.)That’s ok; January will be a good time to go someplace warm.
I feel much much MUCH happier and more settled with this idea than I did with the Destination Wedding idea even before we started hearing bad news about his dad. I think this will be much more personal and meaningful to us.
And HOLY CRAP. I’m now getting married in 3 months instead of 10. AAAAH!!
Post # 9
Yay, congrats! you will definately be one busy bee:-)
Post # 10
Congrats! It sounds like you did the right thing for you. If you keep the guest list as small as originally planned, this can absolutely be done in 3 months, especially since you don’t have to plan the honeymoon at the same time. Have you thought of having the reception at a really nice restaurant? Then you mostly have to plan the ceremony. Good luck – I wish I could do this but I have a billion family members I’m close to who would be really hurt, and Fiance has a billion friends he wants to show a good time.